


White marbled pool

by Misila



Series: Tumblr drabbles [3]
Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Splash Free, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, possibly disturbing content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-05-27 02:00:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 64
Words: 64,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6265234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misila/pseuds/Misila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The desert is hostile. So is coming from such different realities. But even in this world, the water bound them together.</p><p>[<em>Splash free!</em> drabbles without chronological order, but definitely with a story to tell.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [I won't deny I have thought a lot about deleting this fic often. It tells a story, I guess, but don't like it and I wasn't proud of it even at the time I was writing it. But I also have my fics as proof of my improvement, so I eventually decided to keep it. Just keep that in mind.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "I'm alive... I can tell because of the pain."

 

 

 

It took centuries for Rin’s mind to breach, for him to stop breathing that muddy water and taste air again. It was cooler than he remembered; so cold that the oxygen burnt his throat on its way to his lungs, and once there it felt so strange his own cells seemed to repel it, sending him in a fit of coughs that almost made his head explode three, four, five times as his body shook violently on its own.

Strong hands pushing him down to lay on his back distracted him from opening his eyes. Rin tried to fight them, but it was as if the whole palace was holding him down. He tried to turn the incoherent noises falling from his lips into words, but someone spoke first:

“It’s alright… Everything is fine now– Rin,  _breathe_.”

_You._

A hand landed on his cheek. It was subtle, almost shy, as if its owner didn’t want to be noticed; but it was cool and it didn’t have those sharp knives that scratched the inside of Rin’s throat, so the Sultan leant into the touch, seeking it.

_Ah… I’m alive._

Or at least he hoped so. If death was this painful he had a serious problem.

He made an effort to open his eyes.

He recognised his ridiculously big bed, the canopy separating him from the rest of the world. Him and the person that kneeled on the at least three quilts (besides the silky blanket) covering Rin. The Sultan stared into the stranger’s eyes, recognising them faster than he’d recognised his own bedroom.

“Ha…ru?” Rin felt his tongue dry and heavy.

Haruka winced, as if his own name had burnt him. He crawled towards the edge of the bed and peeked his head and an arm out the canopy, crawled back next to Rin and showed him a glass of water. Rin immediately tried to sit up, to reach for the water, but he had barely lifted his head a few centimetres when he fell back on the pillow, exhausted.

_What’s wrong with me?_

“It’s water,” Haruka muttered. Rin frowned. “Really,” he insisted. “I can drink from it so you’re sure.”

Not understanding anything, Rin watched as Haruka took a sip from the glass before sliding a hand under the Sultan’s neck and raising his head so he could drink himself.

Rin drank as much as he could, taking water in big gulps; he hadn’t realised how thirsty he was. Haruka took the glass away, though.

“Slowly,” he scolded before putting it on Rin’s lips again. Rin obeyed and forced himself to keep calm as he emptied the glass. Haruka crawled away once more before returning with empty hands. “How do you feel?”

The water had helped Rin clear his mind, had made his headache subside to a bearable level. He looked at Haruka; let his gaze wander from his slightly trembling fingers, intertwined on his lap, up to his tense shoulders and his sore lower lip, to the bags under his eyes.

“And you?” Rin countered. “And why did you drInk water before me?” It wasn’t as if he cared about his status when Haruka was around, but to his eyes it had seemed unnecessarily rude.

Haruka’s eyes widened. “I thought it would soothe you, after what–” But he trailed off. “Don’t you remember?”

Rin tried to think. He felt like he had spent the last eternity wandering in his own personal hell, but as he kept thinking memories from  _before_  came back. The visit of the other kingdom’s King, the gathering with merchants’ representatives to discuss the safest trade routes, laughing at Haruka’s unwillingness to drink anything but water–

“I…” he started slowly. His memory started to fade after the second glass of wine, but there was something he tried to wrap his mind around, something that didn’t quite  _fit_.

“You were poisoned.”

Haruka’s voice brought Rin back to the time being. The Sultan let out a shaky sigh, finally piecing everything together.

“What was–?”

“The wine.” Haruka wasn’t looking at him. “Apparently they thought dealing with your sister would be easier. Sousuke doesn’t want to wait for the trial before executing them.”

“And when–?”

“Four days ago.”

Rin fell silent. He had been aware of people trying to kill him since he was born, but he had never _actually_  thought one day he would be almost killed.

He stared at Haruka. He wasn’t the best at understanding his friend, but sometimes it was ridiculously easy. Rin reached for his hand, and he could tell the only reason Haruka didn’t pull back was that he didn’t want to hurt his pride by getting out of his reach.

“I’m glad you didn’t get poisoned too.” Haruka didn’t move. “You couldn’t have known. And seriously, one attempted murder is bad enough for a night.”

Haruka ventured to look at Rin. There was the tiniest of the smiles on his lips, and for some reason the first thought that came to Rin was that he had just drunk from the same glass as his friend. The Sultan felt his cheeks heat up in what was probably a healthy blush.

“I’m glad you didn’t die.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also posted on tumblr.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: "You came back."

 

 

 

The Sultan tripped over his own feet several times, the many bracelets on his wrists and ankles chattering and jingling as he ran down the palace’s hallways. Only a few servants saw him, but he wouldn’t have minded if any nobleman had too.

It had been a whole month since Haruka left.

He found his friend where Sousuke had said he was, but Rin couldn’t think of any other place Haruka wanted to be after spending several weeks wandering under the burning sun. The private natatorium was Haruka’s favourite place in the entire sultanate, except maybe the coast. He hadn’t even finished taking his clothes off; he looked up when he heard the jingle preceding Rin.

“Highness,” he greeted, not even bothering to bow down. Rin could hear the teasing in his voice, but looked away as the last pieces of clothing fell to the floor.

“My father would have had you executed before you finished talking,” he replied, even though both of them knew there wasn’t any threat in those words. Rin ran his fingers through his red hair, noticing his turban had fallen off somewhere along the way. “Here I was hoping to see you again when you came back and the first thing you do is going to your dear water instead.”

Haruka took a step towards him, and the sound forced Rin to tear his gaze off the tiled floor. His eyes lingered on the striking contrast between the tan darkening Haruka’s arms and the paler skin that hadn’t been kissed by the sun; Rin stared for a second longer than he should at the ugly scar on his side, let his gaze wander up to Haruka’s serious face, to the eyes that shone brighter than any jewel Rin had ever worn.

The Sultan wasn’t able to look away again.

“I didn’t know if you were already alright,” Haruka admitted.

“Of course I am,” Rin replied, almost offended. It was true that when Haruka had left, he could barely stand on his own; the only farewell he remembered was his friend telling him that he was leaving in the middle of the night and a warm squeeze of his hand, and he wasn’t even sure that last part had really happened. “It’s been a month, Haru.”

Haruka simply nodded. “Are you swimming?” he asked as he turned around and walked to the pool. Rin’s eyes were still glued to his naked form when he jumped into the water; the Sultan only remembered he was supposed to answer when Haruka’s head resurfaced, his black fringe sticking to his forehead.

“Uh, not now, I have a meeting in half an hour,” Rin spluttered. He walked to the edge of the pool, though, and rolled up his tunic before he sat down and dipped his feet into the water. Haruka stared at him for a moment longer than necessary before he dove and started swimming.

Rin was glad Haruka hadn’t been poisoned that awful night, too. Not only because, according to the doctors, nobody had expected the Sultan to survive, much less to fully recover from it; Rin would never forget the day his friend had been stabbed, as well as the following ones –the ones he didn't want to think about, the ones Haruka had spent barely awake, delirious and begging to be outside _just a bit, Rin, please,_  please, _tell them to let me go_  despite the seriousness of his wounds–; and he knew too well that being unable to move around for so long would have definitely killed Haruka.

He hadn’t been made to be tied down, and he would want to break free when he started seeing being a spy for Rin’s family as a chain. And when that moment came nobody, not even the Gods, would be able to stop him.

Long fingers closed around Rin’s ankle and tugged at it, bringing him back to the present.  Haruka was floating before him, eyes fixed on the Sultan.

“You’re overthinking,” he guessed.

Rin let out a laugh.

“Me? No, I’m just wondering how long you can stay in the same place,” he half-lied.

Haruka frowned, letting go of the Sultan’s ankle. “I live here.”

Rin shook his head, looked down at his lap. He already regretted bringing the topic up.

“Yeah, I know. Forget I said anything.”

“You’re overthinking,” Haruka repeated, more confident than before. He sat next to Rin on the edge of the pool. “I’m back, right?” he whispered.

Rin looked down. Yes, Haruka was. He was right there, and that should be enough to stop thinking about his month-long torture of wondering whether he would see his friend again, or he had taken advantage by leaving when Rin was sick to never come back.

“Forget it,” Rin said again. “It’s not important.”

Instead of doing what he had just been told to, Haruka gently grabbed Rin’s hand. It was burning, even though it hadn’t even dried up yet, and the Sultan wondered if Haruka had caught a fever from being in the desert for so long.

“Will you hang me if I try something?”

Rin turned his head towards his friend.

“You know I won’t.”

He realised what Haruka was up to. Maybe he had known for a while, perhaps even since the day they met for the first time. Maybe Rin had completely ignored the knowledge, afraid of finding he was the only one who believed it to be true.

The thing is that Rin wasn’t surprised when Haruka kissed him. He had been waiting for it for a long time, and he only could tangle a hand on Haruka’s black hair, the other pressed to his friend’s back to pull him closer. He didn’t mind his clothes were soaking as Haruka leant more into him; he sighed into those hot, wet lips when they pulled back to catch their breathing.

“I won’t leave,” Haruka insisted. “All I want to come back to is you.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the end I made a sequel, so this felt a bit more... complete? I don't know, truth is I like exploring this AU.
> 
>  
> 
> ~~In case you're wondering: yes, Haru is still naked.~~
> 
>  
> 
> Also posted on tumblr.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Just an one-shot_ , she thought. _Well, just a two-shot_ , she corrected herself.
> 
> Believe me when I say that I actually tried.
> 
> But well, here you have.

 

 

 

Rin met him the day Gou turned thirteen.

Well, truth be told, it was more like _he_ met his sister, and her startled shriek attracted the royal family, a third of the Palace Guard and about a dozen of nobles.

Sultan Toraichi Matsuoka had ordered the construction of a private natatorium for his children four months before his daughter’s birthday, after he took them on their first trip outside the city and saw them enjoy themselves in an oasis nearby. He had wanted to keep his present a secret, but no potential punishment (not even Sousuke’s tired _you’ll get in trouble_ ) had been scary enough to stop the future Sultan and the Princess from sneaking into the construction. They pretended to be surprised when their father finally allowed them to see it, though.

Rin couldn’t spend all the time he would’ve wanted in the pool, though; despite the Sultan’s lively mood, his health was getting worse with each passing day. He knew it wouldn’t be long until he became Sultan himself, and the idea made Rin’s stomach tighten until he felt like throwing up– and instead he had to take more lessons, to memorise history books and nobles’ names; all of that under the Sultan’s increasingly tired gaze.

But when he heard his sister’s yell he forgot it all. He ran towards the natatorium, not realising there were more people behind him, heart beating in his throat and a sudden dizziness overtaking him when the thought of losing her too assaulted his soul.

“Gou! What’s–” Rin stormed inside the natatorium, sliding a bit over the marble floor before regaining his balance as he took his dagger out of his sash, but halted upon seeing the scene before him.

Gou was only a few meters before him, not far from the entrance. She wasn’t the only one in the room, though; Rin’s mouth fell open when he saw a boy’s head on the water, floating as far as he could from them. His clothes were scattered on the floor, as if he had taken them off as he walked towards the pool.

“Gods…”

Rin turned around to see his parents look at the intruder with the same stunned expression he supposed he had as Gou slowly retreated until her mother’s arm snuck around her waist. The Prince was slowly noticing other people’s presence, too; they talked in whispers among themselves, but their voices died down when Rin took a step towards the pool.

“You,” he called the intruder. The boy looked up, water covering his mouth; Rin had expected to see fear, or at least a healthy amount of concern, but his expression was, as far as the Prince could tell, blank. Blank and with the bluest eyes Rin had ever seen. He cleared his throat. “Tell me your name,” he demanded, in what he hoped was an imposing tone.

The boy mumbled something into the water. Rin heard several swords unsheathe behind him.

“I wouldn’t test my patience if I were you,” he warned.

For the first time, something that wasn’t indifference crossed the boy’s expression. He raised his head enough for his mouth to be above the surface.

“Haruka.” His voice was little more than a whisper. He was frowning at the water, as if it was at fault for his name.

“Haruka,” Rin repeated, watching as the boy’s frown deepened. “Get out of the pool. This is not the best place to interrogate someone.”

Haruka’s lips parted, as if he wanted to talk back, but he seemed to think better. He swam towards the side of the pool and did as he had been told, standing right before the Prince and shamelessly staring into his eyes.

And Rin couldn’t help but look at the boy from head to toes, fixated by his tanned skin and his scrawny form, tempted to reach out and trace his bones with his fingers; he realised then that Haruka wasn’t a _boy_ – or, at least, he wasn’t as young as the Prince had thought at first; he looked around his own age. But he had never seen a malnourished person up close.

Haruka cleared his throat, reminding Rin that _he_ was the one staring now. The Prince stepped back, cheeks heating up as he switched to glare at Haruka again, choosing to believe he didn’t know who he was talking to, even though it was impossible that the boy didn’t know his face. Everyone in the city did.

“Get dressed!” Rin hissed. Haruka’s gaze lingered on his reddened cheeks for a second before complying.

 

 

Rin almost complained when his father told him to deal with Haruka the way he thought better. Not (only) because he had no idea what to do with him, but because he had the feeling his father was gradually letting him on charge, and that meant he was worse than he thought.

He ordered two guards to escort Haruka towards one of the private rooms while he made sure his father would be able to walk to his own chambers, then took a deep breath and made his decision.

Haruka had been handcuffed; he frowned at his immobilised wrists, and didn’t look up even when the guards bowed down at Rin.

“So, Haruka.” Now _that_ made him look at the Prince. He half-closed his eyes, and the irritation that seemed to take over his expression for a second confirmed Rin’s suspicions. “You don’t like your name, do you?”

“That’s not any of your business,” Haruka snapped.

One of the guards stifled a yelp. Ryuugazaki, if Rin’s memory hadn’t been damaged with his intensive classes.

“That’s the Prince you’re talking to, brat!” the other hissed, raising his hand to hit the boy almost on instinct.

“Don’t touch him.”

There was a short silence where Haruka’s lips parted in surprise as the guard lowered his hand.

“Highness, he is not to talk to you like–”

“I know how people are supposed to address me,” Rin cut him off, angry for the first time that day. He looked at Haruka again, straightening his back. “But now you know.”

Haruka frowned.

“That’s not any of your business,” he repeated, although calmer than the first time, “Highness,” he added.

 

 

Rin was right. Haruka didn’t like his name.

Haruka also lived with a family of merchants since his parents had died. He had heard about the natatorium and had snuck into the Palace to swim in it; he didn’t seem to care about the royal family in the very least, and after Rin stopped the guard from hitting him twice when he stubbornly repeated _swimming_ as the reason why he was there, he couldn’t help but believe him.

“How did you get into the natatorium without being seen?” Rin asked, and couldn’t help the admiration leaking into his voice.

Haruka shrugged. “Ask your guards how they didn’t see me,” he suggested.

Rin had to admit he found the intruder rather interesting, but he had to make sure there weren’t any more incidents.

“You can go, but don’t do it again,” he advised Haruka as Ryuugazaki freed his wrists. “You’ll get in trouble.”

Of course, Haruka did it again.

And again.

Eventually Rin stopped pretending it bothered him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jokes aside, I'm actually excited about giving non-linear narrative a try.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 

 

It was already dark when a shadow jumped through the window and into Rin’s bedroom.

The Prince sat up on the mattress, heart beating in his throat as he stared at the silhouette moving on the canopy. The stranger’s steps were almost silent, and Rin didn’t know if his own breathing was too loud or the other’s too quiet. It hitched every now and then with sobs that kept shaking his whole body; the Prince had no idea how he hadn’t suffocated yet.

Yet he closed his hands into fists. He was falling apart, but he still wanted to fight.

The intruder stopped, arm reaching to draw the canopy. He let the moonlight spill over the bed with a wide, swift motion.

Rin’s hands lost their strength as their owner let out a shaky sigh and looked down, all the exhaustion coming back at once. Dazed, he fell back on the mattress, laid on his side and curled up as he pressed his trembling hands to his face.

There weren’t any more tears to shed.

“Wrong room,” he exhaled instead. “There is no pool in my chambers.”

Rin felt the bed sinking under Haruka’s weight, but didn’t look up.

“I didn’t come to swim.”

 _He knows_.

Of course Haruka knew. The whole city did.

“Then you must be sick.”

Haruka didn’t reply, though; and ironically his silence was the one thing that gave Rin something akin to calmness. He had heard many people give his family their condolences throughout the day; he didn’t need more of it. The part of him that could still process his surroundings even felt grateful for the lack of touch.

Rin only wanted to rest.

The Prince focused on Haruka’s breathing, on the regular, slow rhythm of the air coming in and out his lungs. Maybe subconsciously, he tried to mimic it, because his despair felt too loud now that he wasn’t alone anymore. Haruka would hear it, would worry– and he had nothing to worry about, because Rin was perfectly fine.

Just a bit broken.

“Did anyone see you?” he asked when his thoughts became overwhelming.

“They never know where to look,” was Haruka’s quiet reply.

Rin chuckled. He didn’t feel better and his father was still dead and the future had never looked so terrifying, but his breathing had calmed down and he wasn’t dizzy anymore; so he tried sitting up again, drawing his knees up to his chest and hugging them. He looked at Haruka out of the corner of his eye.

Haruka, who looked stiff– uncomfortable, even. Rin would have asked about it had he not been so tired.

“Rin,” he started, but even the Prince could tell something was off, “your father– He was–”

The growl was scratching Rin’s throat before he was aware it was his.

“ _Don’t_ ,” he warned. “Please, not… not now.”

Haruka nodded, looked at his lap.

Neither of them spoke for the rest of the night.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

 

Haruka had lied.

He would have felt bad had someone realised it; but if someone in the palace noticed the missing food, Haruka had no evidence of it. Therefore he often took something with him on his way out when he wasn’t caught in the natatorium. He didn’t think anyone in the palace would starve without some loaves of bread and a sack of cereal; there was so much food Haruka didn’t think his family could eat all of it before it spoilt.

But it wasn’t enough, and he knew it. He couldn’t tell them where he got the food– they were honest people, which for Haruka meant they would rather die from starvation than do anything considered wrong by those who could afford wasting what they had–, so he had to make up something about a neighbour that pitied them. And never bring too much (never bring _enough_ ) because it would have been suspicious.

So he had to limit himself to the bare minimum to survive. Life since the war had started was humiliating, but at least Haruka was the only one who knew the truth.

He took deep breaths in an attempt to ignore the painful emptiness in his stomach as he entered the natatorium, lit up by torches whose flames reflected on the calm water.

“I’m starting to think you hope to find my sister naked one day.”

Haruka flinched. He hadn’t realised Rin was in the pool.

The Prince was submerged to his chin, a mischievous grin turning his features dangerous. Haruka sighed, relaxing when he scanned his surroundings and confirmed that Rin was the only one there. He had said he didn’t mind sharing his pool with him.

“I don’t want to see your sister,” he replied.

“Oh?” Rin raised an eyebrow. “Is it me who you want to see, then?”

He was blushing even before he finished his sentence. Haruka wondered why he would say something that was so embarrassing even for him, but wasted no time in taking his clothes off and jumping into the pool.

He felt Rin’s gaze on his skin as he swam, but he didn’t exactly mind. He knew Rin could count his bones if he wanted, and that made him feel the tiniest bit of embarrassment, but the Prince had never mentioned it, nor had he ever treated him like most people in the palace had, with that suffocating pity shining in their eyes. He often complimented his swimming and admitted breaking into the pool was _amazing_ , and even though Haruka found it strange that the future Sultan looked at him with admiration he didn’t exactly dislike it. Rin had told him to drop the formalities the fourth time he had caught him in the natatorium – _almost nobody ever calls my name these days, I don’t want to forget it_ –, which made Haruka feel almost as if they stood on the same ground. He was even older than Rin, if only for a few months.

“Hey… Haru?”

Rin’s voice echoed in the silent natatorium; Haruka raised his head and grabbed the pool edge as the Prince swam towards him. He was tired, more than usual; but as long as there were people in the house who needed the food more than him, he would gladly give it to them. Haruka pursed his lips together and looked at the Prince.

“How is it? Outside.” There was honest curiosity in Rin’s voice. Haruka frowned, blinked when Rin stopped before him. “I mean, when I’m not there,” Rin went on. “I know people cover everything in flowers and many pretend to like me, but–” he bit his lip. “I want to learn, so I can help them when I become Sultan.”

Haruka stared at Rin. The Prince probably knew much more than himself –he often complained about his lessons, and could curse in at least three languages besides the only one Haruka knew; not to mention the references to things Haruka didn’t know he usually made–; but there he was, asking the boy that kept sneaking into his private pool and stealing food from his kitchen.

As if the abysses between them didn’t matter.

The words escaped Haruka’s lips before he could stop himself.

“I’ll show you.”

He found out he didn’t regret them anyway.

Rin’s frown was deeper than his own. “But when they see me they’ll–”

“They won’t know you’re there.”

The Prince’s face was blank for a second, then a smile spread across his face as he understood.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um. Hello. (It's me.)
> 
> I just wanted to remind you that I'm not into cannibalism, which means I won't eat anyone, so you are welcome to comment if you like it. Writers like words, after all.


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

 

Rin’s sixteenth birthday gave him something more to think about.

It wasn’t as if he didn’t miss his father. As far as he could remember, the Sultan had always been there for each and every one of his and Gou’s birthdays; even on years he went on trips, he came back to spend that day with them. Now Rin felt cold under the burning sun because he knew nobody would come, didn’t dare look at his sister or his mother in the face as they ate –without guests, because they weren’t needed for grieving–; they were probably thinking about that too. Even Sousuke was silent, not wanting to intrude in their pain.

Maybe his mother wanted to cheer him up, or maybe the silence was suffocating her, too; but her voice sounded too strident in the spacious dining room.

“I was wondering, Rin,” she started, voice soft despite how loud it felt for Rin. “You’re still young, but have you started thinking about marriage?”

Rin swallowed on reflex, the bit of steak scratching his throat on its way down.

“Uh… Not really.”

Both Gou and Sousuke looked at him, interested; Rin tried to keep his gaze fixed on his mother as she scrunched up her noise in a rather inelegant frown.

“Haven’t you?” She shook his head, a soft smile on her lips. “I know you’re busy ruling a country, but you should think about yourself too. Do you have any ideas? You used to get along really well with the Yazakis’ daughter when you were little, remember? Or maybe Gou’s friend… what’s-her-name Hanamura.”

“Chigusa,” Gou helpfully supplied through gritted teeth. Rin caught Sousuke’s surprised expression, but he understood his sister.

He shook his head.

“I don’t know… and I don’t want to rush it.”

Rin walked straight towards the natatorium after lunch, the knot in his stomach tightening when he didn’t find Haruka there despite knowing his friend had things to do, conversations to eavesdrop. If the rumours were true, there were more than a few foreigners infiltrated in the city, ready to wreak havoc when given the chance.

He sighed, stripped off his clothes and jewels and jumped into the water.

Sometimes the Sultan thought it wasn’t _that_ difficult. Not many people minded who others slept with; there were more important issues to think about, like surviving the droughts and keeping the trade routes safe so no water was lost. His own father had had many male lovers; hell, everyone but his mother knew that Gou and Chigusa’s often intertwined hands weren’t exactly a display of their friendship.

The problem was the following: nobody minded who slept with whom, but the Sultan had a duty towards his nation, which meant having at least one legitimate child to reign after him. Which meant he had to be married to the kid’s mother. Which meant–

Which meant Rin had a huge problem, because there was no woman he would ever love that way.

If only he felt the tiniest bit attracted to them… like his sister, who had no problem with the sex of her lovers. But no; throughout the last year, Rin had tried –really, he had–, but it had been fruitless.

Rin huffed into the water, breached and leaned his arms on the poolside. There had to be a way; he had heard about herbs and infusions, but conceiving a child wasn’t his only concern. He didn’t want to share his life with some woman he felt nothing for.

He wanted…

_Ah, but you can’t_.

Rin pressed his forehead to the white tiles on the poolside. Indeed he could, he wanted to scream. He was allowed to have as many lovers as he wanted.

_You can’t turn him into a toy to play with._

Sometimes Rin didn’t want to be the Sultan.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the tags have changed. Especially pay attention to the 'possibly disturbing content' one if you are on the sensitive end of the spectrum. It's for later chapters, but know said content has to do with sex and blood (not necessarily together). I don't plan on being too graphic -this story is not going to get nearly as harsh as _I'll be there._ was at times, anyway-, but it'll be there. ~~No, the pun wasn't intended.~~

 

 

 

Deep down, Rin had seen it coming.

It didn’t start on a specific day; it wasn’t as if Haruka walked into the natatorium with _I’m not alright_ written on his forehead. In fact, he said nothing at all about the matter.

But Rin still saw, throughout the weeks following Haruka’s promise to take him outside, and a part of him got increasingly worried as days passed. The Prince noticed how out of breath he was after swimming only a few laps, the slight tremor running down his arms when he used them to push himself out of the pool. The sickly pallor under his tanned skin. How distracted he looked, not noticing Rin’s call until the Prince reached out to touch him.

Haruka almost swallowed water when Rin grabbed his arm, recoiling until his back hit the wall of the pool. He looked around and blinked several times, as if he had suddenly forgotten where he was.

“What?” he snapped.

 “Is everything alright?”

Haruka opened his mouth, shook his head and closed it again. “Yes.” He held onto the poolside. “I should– I should go–” But he trailed off when Rin grabbed his arm again. “ _What_?!”

“Tell me the truth,” the Prince demanded.

Haruka shook his hand off, pushed himself out of the pool. Now it wasn’t only his arms that was trembling.

“It’s fine,” he almost growled, standing on wobbly legs as he walked towards the pile he had made with his clothes.

“You’re shaking,” Rin noted.

“The water is cold.” And it s _cared_ Rin, not only because Haruka had never complained about the temperature in the natatorium, but also because it was the hottest day in the last three years and the water was tepid, if not straight up warm.

The Prince didn’t notice he had gotten out the pool until he found himself walking towards Haruka.

“It’s not cold. You’re sick.”

Haruka never got to shake his head. It was like he were a puppet and someone had cut the strings; his whole body went limp, and Rin could barely manage to catch him before he hit the floor. The Prince slipped on the marble tiles, and he let out a pained yelp when he fell on his knees. He forgot it when he felt Haruka stirring in his arms, though.

Rin laid him on the floor, watched as he looked around, disoriented.

“I… fell?”

The Prince ran a hand through his red hair.

“Yes, and I might have broken my knees so you didn’t hurt your head.” But Haruka wasn’t listening. He hugged himself, barely supressing a shiver, and Rin noticed they were still naked. “Stay there,” he commanded, despite he doubted Haruka could move even if he wanted to; he stood up, limped towards his own pile of clothes and picked up the towel he had brought with him. Haruka didn’t complain when Rin made him sit up and wrapped him up in the fabric. “Better?”

Haruka nodded, but he shuddered again. “I’m cold.”

“And that’s all?” Rin pressed a hand to his forehead. “I don’t think you have a fever– What’s wrong then?”

Haruka looked down.

For several moments, he said nothing; so did Rin, too focused on his glassy eyes. It was as if the last weeks exploded in the Prince’s face. Why hadn’t he said anything sooner?

“I should have eaten more yesterday,” Haruka finally admitted, in a tiny voice.

Rin blinked.

“Yesterday? Wait– you haven’t had anything today?” Haruka didn’t answer. Rin sighed as he walked towards his clothes again. “Wait a bit here.”

Rin came back from the kitchen some minutes later, carrying a tray with fruit, meat, bread and water. Some noblemen had thrown him confused glances as he passed them, to which the Prince had replied with defiant glares; it was none of their business.

Haruka hadn’t moved from his spot; he seemed to shrink into himself when Rin placed the tray on the floor and sat down next to him; and even though he was almost as pale as the white room he looked embarrassed for some reason. His blue gaze shifted between the Prince and the food, but at some point his eyes started closing.

“Eat.”

Haruka almost jumped at the unexpected order, then glanced away. “No.”

“Huh? You need–”

“I don’t need your pity.”

_Pity?_

Rin breathed deeply through his nose.

“You’re right. You don’t need pity, but food. So eat before I make you.”

Haruka shook his head.

“Haru, I’d be very disappointed if you died from starvation. I’ve gotten used to having you swimming here, you know?”

Haruka’s fingers tensed around the fistfuls of towel he was grabbing. He mumbled something, too quietly for Rin to hear it.

“What?”

His friend looked up.

“I said that’s not what I come here for!” he snapped; it was the first time Rin heard him raise his voice. “I lied,” he added, and the words shook.

“Lied…?”

Haruka breathed in deeply before a rush of words started falling hastily from his mouth:

“I know I shouldn’t have– I don’t like– But I had to, since the war started we– It’s so _hard_.”

Rin knew Haruka’s adoptive family were merchants, so he could guess where their difficulties came from. The war that had started a year ago had not only made most trade routes unsafe, but also affected people’s priorities. Nobody wanted fancy clothes when they couldn’t afford food for their children. But that didn’t explain why Haruka refused to eat.

“I’m lost,” he admitted.

Haruka leant his forehead on his pulled up knees, to avoid looking at Rin.

“Since before I was caught– I didn’t come to swim, but to the kitchen. I never stole much food, but I–” He exhaled shakily, and for a second he reminded Rin of a child that had just been caught doing something he shouldn’t. “I know Makoto’s parents would kick me out if they knew, but I don’t want Ran and Ren to cry because they’re hungry, and the errands I do aren’t enough…” Haruka’s voice had a pleading edge the Prince had never heard. “And Makoto’s been gone for weeks…” His voice died down, smothered by shame.

Rin was at a loss for words. Haruka raised his head, but he stared at the pool, pointedly avoiding his gaze. The Prince couldn’t stop looking at him, though. He had known, from the moment he had seen Haruka for the first time, that his life lacked many things Rin took for granted due to his upbringing; but he didn’t know… He had supposed Haruka would tell him if something was _that_ wrong– they were something akin to friends, right? There was no outer reality in the hours they spent swimming together, no social differences– at least he thought Haruka understood that.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t need your pity,” Haruka said again. “I suppose you should arrest me now.”

Rin pursed his lips together, making up his mind before he cautiously placed a hand on Haruka’s shoulder.

“Listen,” he started. “I– I don’t know what to think, alright? I thought… wanted to think… that maybe you had gotten fond of me.” A muscle twitched under Rin’s fingers. “But I– I think I shouldn’t, but… I really admire what you’ve been doing. You risk so much for them.”

Haruka finally looked at him. His blue eyes were tired, barely shining anymore.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Rin let out a sigh. “Well, you being sorry won’t fix anything. The war doesn’t look like it’ll end anytime soon.” Haruka’s gaze strayed towards the food. “Now eat. We’ll get something for your family later.”

Haruka’s eyes widened. “But–”

“No buts,” Rin cut him off. “You’re starving because of the war, right? Which technically is my family’s fault… and since I’ll become Sultan one day, my duty is protecting you.”

Haruka glared at him, but Rin knew he had the upper hand; his friend was exhausted, and the Prince could hear his stomach grumbling. Haruka relented after a few minutes; his arm reached out from under the towel as he grabbed a grape and took it to his mouth.

Rin watched as he kept eating; at first Haruka seemed reluctant, but he was visibly hungry, even though he kept shoving tiny bits of food into his mouth. Rin didn’t know whether he was exasperated by that stupid pride or relieved because it was just inanition; Haruka only needed to eat to get better.

“Can I ask you something?” Rin found himself asking, though.

Haruka looked up from the bread and nodded.

“You’ve only been sick recently, even though you’re so thin.” Despite knowing Haruka needed it more, Rin stole a grape from the tray. “The situation worsened, right? Did something happen?”

Haruka lowered his head.

“Ran is ill,” he answered. “Lately she throws up almost everything she eats, so I’m giving her my food. She needs it more than I do.”

Rin didn’t know whether he wanted to scold him or hug him.

He managed to stop a few rebellious tears from escaping his eyes, though.

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

 

 

The first time Haruka walked into the palace through the gates was the day prior to Rin’s coronation.

A boy who didn’t look much younger than him brought a message to his house. Haruka grunted and snatched the letter from his hands when the boy suggested reading it aloud before closing the door in his face; he could read himself, thank you very much.

He had never seen Rin’s handwriting, and it surprised him how neat it was. But if the elegant lines tracing the –still– Prince’s name didn’t lie, he requested Haruka’s presence in the palace to discuss ‘new facets of our already complex relationship’.

“Is the Prince going to ask for your hand?” Ran giggled, reading the letter over his shoulder. Haruka stood up from the chair he’d been reading the message on, cursing himself for letting the girl see it. He had even gotten nervous; Ran was the nosiest child Haruka had ever met.

Not that he thought it was a bad thing, especially not after what she’d been through; seeing the girl smiling and running around again was a relief.

“No, he just likes big words.”

It was probably a euphemism for _let’s race_ , anyway. For some reason Rin loved competitions; no matter they were in the pool or in one of the gardens, that it was about weightlifting or going from one part to the palace to another without being seen. The Prince loved being the best at everything and Haruka might have an irrepressible need to prove him wrong.

So half an hour later Haruka found himself walking into the Palace, showing Rin’s signature to the astonished guards that were more used to see him walk _out_ after his bath– and, even though they didn’t know, a trip to the kitchen to pick something for his family under Rin’s attentive gaze.

Despite Rin claimed he didn’t want anything, Haruka had yet to find a way to return his help. Since Ran had recovered they didn’t need as much as before, with Makoto sending the money he saved in a nearby town and some goods the Tachibanas had been assigned with to carry across the desert. Even though he was the only one who didn’t spend the whole day out because he had to take care of the twins, Haruka himself brought some money by running errands for his neighbours, and he wanted to think they were doing a bit better.

“Woah, fast,” was Rin’s greeting when he opened his bedroom’s door to a frowning Haruka. He walked out instead of letting him in, though, gesturing the guard to leave them alone and moving so quickly Haruka had trouble following him without running.

“Could you walk a bit slower?” Haruka snapped. Rin turned his head briefly towards him, but his glare was eloquent enough. “Highness,” he added, remembering Rin would be Sultan in a few hours. It was difficult thinking of him as a powerful ruler when they often played hide and seek in the mausoleum, between his deceased ancestors, but Haruka was glad he looked better than the night after his father’s death. The sorrow of losing a parent was one of the few things he had in common with the Prince.

Eventually they reached whatever Rin was looking for. He opened a door at the end of a narrow hallway and looked at Haruka meaningfully until he walked into a living room with large windows. Rin sighed after closing the door behind them, plopping down on a divan with his arms spread out, turban falling from his head.

“What did you want?” Haruka asked.

Rin opened an eye.

“Oh, yeah, that,” he mumbled, sitting up. “Sit down.”

Haruka complied, not taking his eyes off Rin.

“How many times have you been caught by the guards?”

Haruka blinked.

“What?”

“Since you started breaking in to steal food,” Rin clarified, “how many times have they caught you?”

Haruka tried to think back.

“Uh... Three? Apart from the times I’ve been caught in the pool.”

Rin nodded, running his fingers through his red hair.

“That’s really impressive,” he admitted. “Palace guards are trained here since they’re seven years old; they can hear a baby sneeze from a mile ten metres take infusions to improve their night vision. Not to mention their excellent aim; they are taught to hit a man in the right places to make him feel the most intense pain without causing any serious injury.”

For a second Haruka didn’t know whether Rin was praising him or trying to frighten him so he stopped sneaking into his palace.

“But you are stealthy enough to avoid them, to laugh at them in their faces,” Rin continued, and he smiled the tiniest bit. “They might take catching you as a game now they know you aren’t an enemy, but you seriously wounded their pride at first. You even kidnapped and took me outside, technically.”

Haruka squirmed on his divan, uncomfortable by the heat in his cheeks.

“Why are you telling me that?”

Rin’s smile grew wider.

“I’ve been thinking about employing you for a while,” he finally stated. “There are... some weird things in this war, many of them within this palace. Not that I didn’t notice before, but change always makes people nervous.” Rin bit his lower lip, his expression tinging with a shade of sadness. “So I ask you to use those abilities for me, to be my eyes and ears and learn about things I can’t know by myself.”

Haruka hadn’t memorised as many books as Rin, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew what Rin wanted him to do, and after certain things he had overheard he could imagine how dangerous it was. He thought about telling Rin, but judging by the Prince’s expression whenever he remembered his father it wasn’t the right time yet. Plus, he didn’t think _they_ would like it.

On the other hand, Rin’s request was also the chance to thank him Haruka had been looking for. Rin could play it down all he wanted, but he had really saved Haruka that day, and had a lot to do with the fact that things were going better for the Tachibanas.

“Of course, you’d get paid,” RIn spluttered, misinterpreting Haruka’s silence. “ _And_ you would be officially welcome in the natatorium, not kicked out whenever people other than me saw you. Also–”

“Rin.” The Prince trailed off at the sound of his name. Haruka looked into his eyes to make sure he got the message across. “It’s alright. I’ll do it.”

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

 

 

They waited for the next new moon to sneak out the palace.

Rin would have gone out sooner, but he had to admit Haruka knew more about breaking rules than him, and they would have been easily seen with the moon high in the sky. Besides, it took a while for Haruka to get the nutrients he had been lacking for the last weeks back.

But on the darkest midnight of the month, Rin found himself waiting for Haruka in the natatorium, dressed with warm clothes; nights in the desert were cold. Haruka walked in quietly, his steps inaudible as the water sloshed about. He stopped right before the pool, looking at Rin, who was on the opposite side.

The Prince’s breath caught in his throat at the sight. There was only one torch lighting up the white room, its warm light reflecting on the water and tinging it red, and the white marbled the floor, walls and columns were made of seemed to be melting. And in the middle of that magic was Haruka, eyes shining like fire itself. The rest of his face was covered by a blue and yellow scarf whose ends swung behind him with each movement– and for the first time Rin understood why Sousuke often mumbled Haruka seemed dangerous.

He looked like a thief –one of those who stole jewels and expensive items, not food to survive– or something worse.

And the Prince couldn’t find anything he disliked about it.

“Are you coming or not?” Haruka asked, rather abruptly.

Rin let out a breathless laugh. His mouth was dry.

“Of course.”

There was a door near the servants’ rooms nobody ever closed, Rin found out. Of course, it didn’t lead to the city –it would have been too easy–, but the walls surrounding the vegetable garden were too tall for anyone to be on charge of guarding it properly, and it wasn’t harvest season anyway. Haruka lead Rin to a vine that seemed to crawl up a part of the wall the sunlight didn’t reach even in daytime, and started climbing without a word.

“Wai–– Haru! That’s dangerous!”

Haruka was almost two metres from the floor already, but stopped to look at him.

“It’s not. I do it often.”

“You’re light as a feather,” Rin grumbled. “I’m–”

“Fat?” Even in the dead of the night, the Prince caught a glimpse of Haruka’s smirk.

“Properly fed,” he snapped back.

Haruka sighed, then let go of the vine and landed next to Rin. “I don’t think it’ll hold us both up, so you can go first,” he suggested. “It’s not too tall, but I’ll catch you if you fall.”

“Isn’t there any other way?”

“Through the door,” Haruka replied. “Or climbing to a palm tree.”

Rin covered his face with his hands. He then groaned into them.

“The vine is it, then,” he accepted. “But don’t complain when the fat Prince crushes you.”

“So you already know you’ll fall? Thanks for telling me.”

And Rin might be slightly worried about hurting himself, but he wouldn’t let that idiot call him clumsy, no matter how high the chance of it being true there was. So he grabbed the first branches he found and tried to climb.

Eventually he did it. After scratching his arms, almost falling twice and getting a leg tangled in the vine, Rin let Haruka instruct him and managed to get outside the wall. Haruka was beside him right away, making the Prince feel a bit useless. He suspected, when he glanced at his friend and saw the smile still attached to his lips, he wasn’t the only one who was thinking about his recent struggles.

“If you tell anyone about this I’ll cut your tongue off,” Rin threatened.

“Before or after breaking your leg trying to get back?” Rin shoved Haruka in the shoulder playfully. “Where do you want to go?”

Rin frowned. Truth was, he hadn’t thought of any destination in particular.

“Wherever you want,” he finally replied. “Surprise me.”

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

 

The day Haruka’s life changed, it was raining.

He had told himself he would leave before the storm started, but as usual Rin had kept him distracted, with his silly competitions and the newly found habit the Prince had of offering him food and watching him as he ate, as if he didn’t trust Haruka to feed properly if he were left alone. Haruka hated to admit he was partly right. Rin might have not punished him for stealing food from his palace, but that didn’t make it less bad, and if it had been for Haruka he would have taken half of what Rin offered him.

Not that he could take anything with him that day. Storms in the desert were rare, and not as good for people as they were for plants; the following week the city would be covered in the colours of ephemeral flowers, but several buildings would crumble down. Haruka wanted to leave, without minding the fact that he would sink to his ankles on the muddy streets, but the Prince had threatened with tying him up if he so much as put a foot outside.

Haruka knew Rin was busy, so he was wandering around the palace; he couldn’t go to the pool because the Princess had claimed it as her own for the whole day, so he entertained himself by learning about the building’s layout– up to that moment, the only places he knew were the natatorium and the kitchen.

He found where the infirmary was because he saw the Sultan walk out it.

Over the last weeks, Haruka had learnt Rin would succeed his father soon. He hadn’t realised how soon it would be until that moment, though: Sultan Toraichi could barely walk on his own, and he leant most of his weight on a sumptuous staff with all kind of gems embedded in the wood; his wife was right behind him, ready to steady him if his legs gave out. From his hideout behind a statue, Haruka could see the sorrow in her eyes, painfully red like Rin’s own.

The picture made Haruka think about his own parents. He hardly remembered their faces, even though he was seven when they died. He had tried to forget them, a futile attempt to make their death hurt him less; but he still recalled the disease that had taken them away from him, first his mother and some days afterwards his father. He had been ill, too, but Makoto found him, too weak to even stand but too scared to come back and face the corpses again, and took him to his own house so he could be properly taken care of.

It wasn’t as if he had completely forgotten about them, though. Maybe Haruka didn’t know what the tales his mother told him were about, but he remembered her voice; and he couldn’t recall where his father took him often, but he still could feel a big hand taking his if he focused. They had been happy until the epidemic.

A snicker brought Haruka back to the present. He looked at the infirmary entrance; there was a man with the characteristic pale yellow robes doctors wore –and a ridiculously long nose– talking with who Haruka assumed was a nobleman. He supposed he had to leave –while Rin’s family didn’t dislike him and that huge friend of his even tolerated his presence, most people in the palace looked at Haruka as if they didn’t understand why he hadn’t been kicked out yet–, but that laugh in such a place perked his curiosity up.

“We’re almost there, right?” the nobleman was saying.

“It won’t take long, a week perhaps. Slow-acting poisons are more lethal than quick ones.”

The nobleman smiled.

“Good. Though I’m afraid the boy isn’t exactly docile either. Lately he’s been agreeing too much with his father.”

Haruka felt like throwing up the loaf of bread he had eaten earlier when he realised they were talking about Rin. About Rin, and–

“He’s still young, you can do wonders with him once the old man is gone.” The doctor patted the nobleman’s shoulder. “Now, I have people to take care of, so I must ask you to leave.”

Haruka stayed hidden behind the statue long after the infirmary door closed and the nobleman walked away.

Three days later, Sultan Toraichi Matsuoka died.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! Something that looks like a plot!


	11. Chapter 11

 

 

 

Looking back, the first months of Rin’s reign felt like a blur of official appearances, meetings and no free time.

Before Haruka started his actual job, Rin explained, he needed to learn protocol and, more importantly, to be taught how things in the palace worked. He assigned him a tutor to achieve the first purpose, and officially introduced him to Sousuke Yamazaki to help with the second one.

Sousuke didn’t like Haruka, and it was mutual. They had disliked each other since they had met, when Rin barely greeted his friend as he pushed Haruka towards the natatorium to race him. From what Haruka could gather, Sousuke only saw him as a distraction for Rin. He didn’t exactly disagree, but he didn’t think Sousuke was much more helpful.

Nevertheless, Haruka would rather bite his tongue for the time being. They limited themselves to be cordial towards each other; for one hour each day, Sousuke went for a walk with Haruka and told him about some noblemen’s families, their interests and the reasons why they disliked each other. Nobody seemed to really get along with the others, and they only pretended because they had common goals.

Haruka spent most of the day with Nitori, though. He was the only son of some distant relative of Rin’s mother’s, and had come to the city after Rin succeeded his father. He was younger than Haruka and always nervous, always shifting his weight from one foot to the other, even while he explained how cutlery worked or the correct way to bow before people from nobility depending on their status.

During that time, Haruka barely saw Rin. And when he did, the Sultan was either in a hurry, tired or too exasperated to bear a single conversation; Haruka couldn’t help but reply to his moody remarks, which only worsened the situation and ended up with Rin walking away and leaving the echo of the door slamming shut in his wake. And neither of them had the time to swim in the natatorium, so having a proper conversation was nearly impossible.

Rin gave him a room in the palace so he spent the night there if he wanted, but Haruka would rather come back to his own house at the end of the day. He often ended up exhausted, usually sleeping on his clothes with Ran and Ren curled up against him and Makoto’s promises of coming back in letters scattered over the hard mattress.

One of the rare nights Haruka spent in the palace, a month after Rin became Sultan, his friend knocked at his door.

“Let’s swim,” he said quietly, for the first time in weeks losing _Sultan Rin_ ’s sharp tone and using just Rin’s voice.

They didn’t race, only talked as they floated on the pool and laid on the marbled floor afterwards. Rin apologised for his bad mood. Said something about being stressed out, about trying to end the war as his father had asked him to on his deathbed. Fell asleep on his back, and Haruka rolled on his side to watch him, wondering why his eyes itched the way his stomach had when he wasn’t eating enough.

_Am I hungry for Rin?_

He dozed off with his arm stretched out towards the Sultan, fingers curled up centimetres away from red hair, reminder of the bit of self-control that had stopped him from touching Rin without his consent.

When he woke up in the morning, Rin was already gone.

Haruka was introduced as the Sultan’s counsellor two weeks afterwards, before a crowd of sceptic noblemen and a Sousuke who did nothing to hide the bitterness in his gaze. Haruka supposed the man thought he was stealing something that belonged to him, and wondered why Rin didn’t tell him what Haruka’s actual job was.

Or maybe he knew, and he really disliked it.

The tiny hope of seeing Rin more often Haruka had allowed to grow within him withered faster than it had been born as his life became even more hectic. Haruka eavesdropped conversations between the noblemen he considered more suspicious, got informed about their whereabouts when they were in the palace; but besides some minor scandals about stealing taxes’ money he found out nothing.

He couldn’t help the feeling there were bigger scandals hiding behind the ones he got to know.

He was especially obsessed with the nobleman he had heard talking with the doctor about Rin’s father almost a year ago; but if they were plotting something, they had become more cautious. Haruka had yet to tell the Sultan about it; but whenever he thought about having that particular conversation he remembered Rin’s breakdown after the former Sultan’s death. He convinced himself that it was all in the past, that Rin didn’t need to know– Rin needed to be safe in order to rule the country, and Haruka would make sure of that.

He was so focused on being Rin’s eyes, Rin’s ears– that he almost forgot about himself.

And so, one of those days, Haruka drowned.

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

 

 

 

_Moving hurts. Breathing hurts._

_But if I stay still I’ll_ – _I can’t. I have to._

_Yes._

_Move._

_Keep moving._

_Keep walking._

_Walk..._

_Walk_ – _Where?_

–… _It hurts._

_It hurts, because there’s blood._

_I have blood on my hands. But I haven’t done anything. Then why is it there?_

_It’s still there. It’s dripping on the floor. I’ll have to clean it… uh. It’s so red. Like_ –

_Like his hair. But his hair isn’t made of blood._

_…Oh, right. Keep moving._

_But where?_

_To Rin._

_I can’t breathe._

_Rin has to know._

_I can’t…_

_Rin_ –

 

 

Afterwards, the Sultan would have nightmares often.

Nightmares where he held a cold, unmoving Haruka, where not even ordering him to wake up was enough– and why would it be, when he didn’t even _like_ telling Haruka what to do? Nightmares that would leave him restless, unable to sleep for the rest of the night, too shaken up to focus on anything until the sun rose.

But no one would be even half as terrifying as that day.

In the morning Haruka had heard a man –not from nobility, just a merchant whose wealth came from selling perfumes– tell his wife about his plan to stop the Sultan from ending the conflict, something Rin had been working on since his coronation. Against his own will, Haruka and Sousuke had agreed ( _agreed_!) to lock him up in his chambers and reinforce the security around them, using Sousuke’s most trusted guards, before organising a raid in the palace to find the traitors.

“I’ll come to tell you when we catch them,” Haruka had promised, in a useless attempt to get Rin to agree with that plan where his mission was doing nothing, before closing the door on his face.

Rin couldn’t even look through the window –Ryuugazaki had explained to him that he could be reached by an arrow if he did before resuming his watch from the balcony–, so he had tried to keep himself busy by making a chain of sorts with his bracelets. Every now and then he heard the guards shout, but their voices were too far away for him to understand what was happening.

The sun was high on the sky when someone knocked on his door. Rin, who was starting pulling at his hair out of frustration by that time, exhaled an annoyed huff.

“No need to knock at this point, Haru,” he said, raising his voice as he walked to open it. Ryuugazaki was faster, though, and by the time Rin got to the entrance his best friend was already walking in. The Sultan frowned. “Where’s Haru?”

Sousuke shrugged, unconcerned. Rin didn’t quite understand why he disliked Haruka so much, but he clearly did.

“We caught them,” he said instead. “The Vulians– that damn merchant and his wife, and the guy they have hired to kill you. Not before he injured two guards, though.”

“Good. But wh––”

“You should go say something,” Sousuke went on. “Like ‘there won’t be mercy for traitors’ or something that sounds impressive. Or slash their throats to get the message across.”

Rin cringed at the idea.

“I’ll better let them be judged.”

He let Sousuke lead him to where the guards had caught the pair of merchants and the potential murderer and surrounded them. The three of them were handcuffed, babbling a string of excuses that instantaneously made Rin angry. It wasn’t the first time someone attempted to kill him, but treason was something the Sultan had always loathed.

“Here you are,” he started, and everyone in the room fell silent and looked at him. Sousuke had stopped several steps behind him. “What was your reason?” he asked. “What reason could possibly be good enough to turn against your Sultan?”

The Vulians and the hired assassin shrunk into themselves, intimidated by Rin’s tone. It wasn’t exactly loud, but it carried the weight of the Sultan’s power. Rin didn’t particularly like it, and avoided using it, but if he had learnt something throughout his first months as a ruler it was that fear was a powerful weapon.

His eyes landed on the hired assassin’s hands; they were covered in blood, dark droplets scattered over his forearms. Then Rin looked over at one of the wounded guards, who held his arm high to stop the blood flowing from his wrist.

The Sultan scowled, gaze returning to the attacker.

“What happened to the other guard?”

“He is alright, Highness,” someone answered. “This scoundrel barely scrapped his shoulder.”

“But then–” Rin shook his head, feeling the blood drain from his face. “That’s too much blood for that,” he exhaled, even though he doubted even Sousuke had heard him.

He didn’t mind.

“Highness, you’re pale.”

Rin didn’t really hear it. He couldn’t get a completely _ridiculous_ idea out of his mind, and he felt like something was slowly blocking his throat. His footing was unstable when he turned to Sousuke again.

“Where is Haru?”

 _He said he would come himself, he told me_ – _promised_ –

Sousuke’s eyes widened, finally understanding.

“Where did you arrest that guy?”

“Not far from the infirmary, in the hallway that leads to the garden of myrtles.”

Rin ran out of the room without saying a word, without even waiting for Sousuke. He knew the palace like the back of his hand, but he had never run through its hallways that fast. He told himself that he was being ridiculous, that there was no way Haruka had– He probably had gone straight to the natatorium and forgotten about his promise to Rin, because otherwise– otherwise–

The Sultan found what he didn’t want to see before getting to the place he had been told about.

His eyes darted towards a bloodied hand pressing against his side, the other leaning on the wall for support as he dragged his feet forward, jaw clenched and eyes misty. Clothes covered in blood, a dark trail on the floor giving his path out.

Rin quickly approached him, the tremor running through his whole body so intense he thought he’d fall. But he didn’t, he reached Haruka and pulled him into his arms.

“Let’s go to the infirmary, alright?” he suggested, voice shaking. Haruka shivered too, as if the desert heat had vanished, his breathing shallow and clearly not providing enough oxygen. What impacted Rin the most wasn’t the fear in his eyes, though; it was a glint of astonishment, as if Haruka himself couldn’t process his current state. “It must hurt a lot, but I bet it’s not as bad as it seems...”

Rin kept talking as he passed an arm around Haruka’s back and the other behind his knees, not minding the lack of answer. Wide blue eyes were fixed on him, unfocused and disoriented but _seeing_ , and Haruka’s hands clung to Rin’s clothes, staining them with blood as the Sultan struggled to keep advancing.

“Rin–” The Sultan looked down at Haruka, worried when his voice turned into a cough interrupted by pained whimpers. “You… If he–”

“He’s been arrested,” Rin cut him off, not wanting his friend to exhaust himself. He supposed he should feel some kind of satisfaction, but fear and concern swirled in his mind, blocking out everything else. His white tunic got red spots when a new fit of coughs overtook Haruka.

“…I’m glad.”

“Don’t exert yourself.”

Haruka nodded, but his breathing was becoming irregular, erratic. He buried his face in the side of Rin’s neck, violent shudders taking over his entire form. Rin tried to control his fear, tried to voice that they were nearly in the infirmary, but all he came from his mouth was _Haru, Haru, Haru_ , a single name repeated over and over again like some kind of prayer he hoped the Gods listened to.

“You’ll be alright. I swear it’ll be– Please, Haru, please hold on, we’re almost there, _please_.”

Haruka’s grip on Rin’s now bloodied clothes went slack a few steps from the infirmary as he lost the battle against sleep, head leaning on Rin’s shoulder. His usual indifferent mask had fallen, replaced now by a distressed frown as his desperate attempts to keep breathing proved being fruitless.

When Rin burst into the infirmary, he was covered in blood and held a limp body, his vision blurry with tears that hadn’t spilt over only because he refused to cry as if there was nothing else he could do.

Haruka was barely breathing at this point, faint gurgles echoing in the room as his lungs kept trying to take air in.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three things.
> 
> 1\. Sorry.
> 
> 2\. I'm still not sure not dividing this chapter in two was the best idea. If it wasn't I apologise.
> 
> 3\. The first thing isn't 100% true.


	13. Chapter 13

 

 

 

Haruka wanted to scream.

Not out of pain; it was actually that dull calm what frightened him the most. He felt heat radiating from his torso and was aware he was wounded, was aware he couldn’t breathe properly; but it _didn’t hurt_ when it _should_ and the terror drowned Haruka faster than his own blood had.

 

 

There was something very cold and wet pressing against his forehead, increasing the intensity of the shivers shaking Haruka’s whole being. Every now and then it vanished, only to come back to his forehead a second later, colder than before.

Or maybe it was Haruka who was burning up despite the itchy fabric covering him.

He didn’t care. He just wanted to be left alone. With his darkness and his calm and the odd way his breath hitched whenever he took too much air in, the wound on his side not warm enough to stop the tremors.

But he couldn’t speak, let alone move; he tried to drift off as his head threatened to explode whenever the person torturing him took air in, soft whimpers escaping his lips every now and then beyond his control.

Until a different sound appeared: steps approaching.

“Highness.” Haruka wanted to cover his ears when a chair’s legs screeched as they were dragged across the floor. Or throw said chair to the owner of the voice. “You look unwell. It’s understandable that you haven't been able to sleep, after yesterday’s unfortunate events–”

“I’m fine.”

It was Rin.

But at the same time, it wasn’t him. Despite its sharp edge, his voice sounded quiet, tired and hoarse; only once before Haruka had heard that tone coming from those lips.

“I imagine you came to see your counsellor.”

“How is he?”

Ironically, Haruka found himself despising the silence that followed Rin’s question. He had never felt so weak, but he wanted to know what was happening.

“I’m afraid his condition is serious. Right now he’s stable and his fever isn’t as high as last night; but I want you to be aware he might get worse any moment… And even if he doesn’t, it’ll take some time for him to recover.”

_Am I going to die?_

“Can I stay for a bit?”

“Of course. Please inform me when you leave; I don’t want him to be alone.”

Steps fading away. Steps walking closer. The damn chair.

Haruka would have glared had he been able to when the cold, wet flannel disappeared from his forehead again. Instead of feeling it there again immediately, though, it brushed his temples, his cheeks, the sides of his neck– and then, after a few seconds, Rin placed it on his forehead again.

“This might be more stupid than that night we snuck out of the city–” Haruka realised he still had a wrist when Rin’s fingers curled around it, his thumb brushing the skin under the palm of his hand as his voice lowered to a whisper, “– but don’t listen to doctor Napis. I know you probably haven’t, but just in case– You’re alive now, and you will be later.” Rin’s thumb pressed softly against the veins in Haruka’s wrist. “So don’t die.”

Haruka wanted to nod, to make sure Rin knew he _had_ heard. He couldn’t, so he focused on Rin’s hand instead, on his own stubborn heartbeat against his skin, until the darkness swallowed him again.

 

 

Sometimes he was there, sometimes he wasn’t.

His dreams were filled to the brim with shadows that convulsed against the never-ending darkness and at times reached out for him to join them; they hissed and whispered and drew blood when they grabbed his arms, their voices distorted versions of tones he knew.

At times Rin’s touch on his wrist tore him off the nightmares, and as he automatically drank from the glasses that were placed on his lips he wondered why the Sultan would bother with that. Not that he minded, especially when Rin talked to him in a low voice and kept the shadows away.

When he finally managed to open his eyes, he saw who he assumed was the doctor Rin had told him to not listen to– Napis, he’d said. Haruka deduced that he was changing his bandages and cleaning his wound; a part of his mind registered it hurt, but it was barely there, easily ignored as Haruka tried to speak.

A high whine made the man look at him.

Haruka’s breath caught in his throat. He knew that person. He easily recognised the big nose; he had heard him talk about poisoning Rin’s father a year before. The air in his lungs came out in short pants.

Napis smiled.

“I didn’t know if you would wake up,” he started. “Part of me hoped you wouldn’t.”

Instinctively Haruka tried to draw back, skin burning where the man’s fingers were placed. Unlike Rin’s, that touch only made the curtains at the sides of his bed loom over him, ceiling getting so close Haruka feared it would crush him–

“Why so scared now?” The doctor smiled, though the gesture looked more akin to a lion showing its teeth. “You were pretty full of yourself when you encouraged the Sultan to end the war, weren’t you?” His voice steadily raised as he applied a gauze to the cut in Haruka’s side, with horrific delicacy. Desperate gasps concealed Napis’ disdainful huff. “To think the Sultan would even _listen_ to his whore… Because that’s what you are, right?” Haruka’s noise of protest had caught his attention. “He can embellish it all he wants, but at the end of the day that’s the only use he gives to you. What else do you spend all that time in the natatorium for?”

Haruka tried to shake his head, but he could barely turn his neck a bit, his mind going blank as the doctor’s hand laid on his stomach. He wanted to deny it, to say Rin wasn’t like that– and to get away from that sickening touch before he drowned in his own hysteria. He didn’t know if his sight was blurry out of fear of because of the tremors running through his body.

“You’re obvious as a child.” Napis laughed. “Look at yourself, kid. You aren’t angry on the Sultan’s behalf. You’re upset because a concubine is all you aspire to be for him.” Helplessness and hatred welled up in Haruka’s eyes when fingertips slid down his abdomen, the air around him getting too thick to keep breathing as he realised his arms felt too heavy to smack Napis’ hand away. “You want him to touch you this way, don’t you? As if you could delude him into believing you’re worth something.”

A strangled, unarticulated cry made its way through Haruka’s throat. He was too weak to move, but at least Napis’ hand drew back from his hip. His whole being shook as the man straightened up, visibly surprised.

“Truth hurts, doesn’t it?” Haruka wanted to sleep, to die– anything but keep listening to that man. “Don’t worry, he’ll eventually use you for that. Take this as a warning,” Napis added. “I could have let you die the other day; the only reason I didn’t is that, unlike those fools, I think you are more useful alive. And don’t even think about telling the Sultan– unless you want to lose your adoptive family too.”

Napis looked like he was going to keep talking, but quickly approaching steps stopped him. Haruka understood the reason when Rin appeared in his field of vision. The Sultan stopped on his tracks for a second before running towards the bed, his bright smile fading when he noticed Haruka’s struggles to keep breathing.

“What’s wrong?” he asked the doctor.

“He’s just disoriented,” Napis lied. “I think your presence will calm him down more than mine, Highness, since you are acquaintances.” He politely bowed before walking away.

Rin quickly sat on the edge of the bed, staring into Haruka’s wide eyes.

“Hey, don’t worry,” he started. “Dolat– The man who did that to you won’t have the chance to try again, and you’re going to be fine– just try to take deep breaths, alright?” He covered Haruka with a blanket in an attempt to help him stop shivering. “I’m glad you’re awake now.”

Haruka closed his eyes, remembering what Napis had said. It wasn’t a good idea; he forgot Rin’s instructions as his inhalations and exhalations became more erratic.

“Breathe,” Rin gently reminded him.

Haruka forced himself to pay attention to the Sultan’s breathing, trying to synchronise his own with it. It was hard, but it was something he could focus on, therefore not thinking about what had just happened.

He still flinched when Rin’s fingers brushed his temple. The ghost of a hand trailing down his stomach made him shiver as Rin quickly pulled back.

“Sorry,” the Sultan muttered, fingers twining together on his lap. Worried eyes kept supervising Haruka’s improvements, but Rin didn’t show signs of wanting to touch him again.

Haruka wanted to apologise, to explain what had just happened– but Napis’ threat kept him still. He tried to tell himself that his words weren’t true, that Rin didn’t want him to be his concubine, that he didn’t want to touch him _that_ way–

And it hurt.

“Out…” he finally whispered.

“What?”

“I want to go out,” Haruka croaked. “Not here.”

When he opened his eyes, Rin had a sad smile on his lips.

“I can’t do that, Haru. You can’t even move; you’ll have to rest a lot.” Haruka swallowed when the Sultan leaned down towards him. “Hey,” he called, his voice low, serious, too different from the dreamy tone he had used before to be a coincidence. “Is anything wrong?”

Haruka shook his head, closed his eyes again as he tried not to think about the moment Rin would leave. He wasn’t fast enough, though; he caught a glimpse of the Sultan’s sceptical frown before the world became dark once more.

 

 

When Haruka awoke again, disoriented after a dreamless sleep, Napis was nowhere to be seen, fortunately. Neither was Rin.

Instead he found a calming green watching over him, a face as familiar as his own.

“Makoto.” His best friend smiled. “But you– You were–”

“The Sultan sent a message to the house, telling us what had happened” he explained. Haruka shook his head. That wasn’t what he didn’t understand. “I said I was going to come back, didn’t I?”

Haruka tried to raise an eyebrow. And failed.

“You say that in every letter.”

His friend laughed. “But the last time I really meant it,” he excused himself. His smile faded as he looked Haruka from head to toe. “Ran and Ren are worried.”

Haruka looked away, cheeks burning with shame. How long had it been since he had been stabbed? Ran and Ren could manage on their own for a while, but guilt still creeped up his body.

“I’m sorry.”

Makoto smiled a bit again. “It’s alright. How did you end up… like this?”

Haruka tried to control his breath.

“Things here work differently,” was all he said.

Makoto nodded, without pressing him for more.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

 

 

It took a while for Haruka to get back on his feet.

The Sultan made sure to pay him a visit every day; not only because he was deadly worried even though Haruka’s life wasn’t in danger now, but also because he realised now how much he had missed his friend during the months after his coronation. In retrospect, Rin couldn’t understand how he had managed to keep up that hectic rhythm for so long.

Most times he found Makoto in the infirmary; Rin had heard Haruka talk about him in the rare moments he opened up a bit, but they had never personally met until the man showed up in the palace with the message Rin himself had sent that day. He was a soothing presence, once the nervousness from being in the same room as the Sultan faded away, and seemed to really care for Haruka.

About a week after the attempted murder, though, Rin didn’t find him in the infirmary. He sat down on a chair, bracelets jingling together and carving a frown on his friend’s relaxed face. Haruka kept sleeping, though, his expression relaxing after a few seconds as he moved his lips to say something the Sultan didn’t hear.

Perhaps Rin had gotten too used to have Haruka to know about the many things nobody usually told him, but he surely hadn’t just sat by in the last days. With the Vulians’ confession and the tiny bits about what had happened he was slowly gathering, Rin was coming to his own conclusions. He didn’t know how accurate they were, but he didn’t like where the hints pointed at.

Dolat had snuck into the palace using one of the servants’ entrances, then passed near the infirmary. What Rin found strange, though, was the path he had followed. Judging by the place he had been caught at and the hallway where the Prince had found Haruka, Dolat had walked towards the gardens… which weren’t even close to Rin’s chambers. And then he had clearly had the intention of getting out again; the guards arrested him only three hallways from the closest exit.

Rin would think he had gotten lost had he not counted with help from the Vulians. They had probably made sure he knew everything about the building’s layout; yet Dolat hadn’t tried to get to the Sultan. It was as if he had never intended to kill Rin.

As if his target was Haruka all along.

Rin didn’t know what that meant, but he didn’t like it. Technically Haruka wasn’t anything else than another employee at the palace; yet someone had thought his life was important enough to risk being caught like the pair of merchants had.

And then there was Haruka’s yell when he had woken up. Rin doubted Haruka would tell him about it without being prompted, but the Sultan wasn’t only curious. Haruka’s uneasiness hadn’t vanished a bit since that day, and it concerned him.

As if he had heard Rin’s thoughts, Haruka stirred, opening his bleary eyes and looking around.

“Good afternoon,” Rin muttered.

Haruka’s scowl couldn’t quite hide the tiniest smile as he blinked the sleep away. “Don’t you have things to do?”

“Visiting you happens to be one of them. And I don’t remember giving you permission to take such liberties while addressing me.”

“If you say so.” Haruka turned to his side, completely facing Rin. “Highness, stop watching me sleep. It’s creepy.”

Rin stuck out his tongue.

“It’s not my fault you’re always sleeping these days,” he replied, but realised something was wrong the moment Haruka looked away. “By the way, I have good news for you,” he added, hoping to cheer Haruka up; but there was a dullness in Haruka’s blue eyes since he had been attacked that didn’t vanish no matter how often Rin visited him or teased him. Still, he reluctantly looked at the Sultan again.

“Can I go out now?”

Rin sighed. Haruka asked that at least once every day. And the answer hadn’t changed yet:

“No; doctor Napis says you need more rest.”

Haruka’s jaw tightened.

“But you’re the Sultan,” he reasoned. “You can order him to let me outside.”

Being bedridden was starting to affect Haruka. Rin himself found it unnatural, but there was nothing he could do for his friend besides trying to distract him. Nothing could replace real freedom, though; and while Haruka’s wounds were healing well, his emotional state was worsening with each passing day.

“Anyway, you’ll like this. I’ve been talking to doctor Napis before and he says it’s not good for you to stay in bed all day.” Haruka’s hands closed into fists. “So you can get up and walk for a bit every day, if you feel well enough.”

It took them ten minutes to get to the garden of myrtles. Haruka was able to walk on his own, but every now and then pain contorted his otherwise focused expression. At this point Rin knew better than to force his friend to accept his help; he walked close to him, talking about unimportant things and pretending he wasn’t just adjusting to Haruka’s slow pace to make himself useful if the situation required it.

When they finally reached their goal, Haruka plopped himself down rather ungracefully, a hand against the healing wound as he regained his breath. Rin unfolded the quilt he had brought with him placed it around Haruka’s shoulders, shrugging at that blue glare as he sat down next to his friend.

“The sun is setting,” he excused himself, relieved when Haruka’s pale hands grasped the fabric and tightened it around himself.

Haruka tore his gaze off him, looking at the spring in the centre of the garden. He was thinner, Rin noticed; lately his friend had lost his appetite, and only Makoto could convince him to eat. The Sultan wanted to think it had something to do with being in a bad mood due to the pain of his wound, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something within Haruka had changed when he had been stabbed, as if that dagger had pierced not only his body but also his soul.

Rin wondered if he had realised he hadn’t just been unfortunate to be in the wrong place, too.

That, or–

“Hey, Haru.” Blue eyes looked at him expectantly. Rin wanted to think they were brighter, reflecting the joy of being outside for the first time in what had felt like an eternity for the Sultan too. “I know– Maybe this isn’t the best moment to talk about it, but... Do you remember the first time I came to visit you?”

“It wasn’t that long ago,” Haruka replied, offended. “Only five... uh... seven...”

“Eight days,” Rin softly informed him, even though it had been longer since– _then_. Ten days since Haruka had been stabbed. Ten days since Rin had almost lost him. “I had been there a while before,” he admitted, not wanting to dwell in those memories too much. “I was planning on going to sleep already, but I heard you yell. What happened?”

Haruka looked away abruptly. “I had a nightmare.”

Rin would have believed him any other time. But Haruka was a terrible liar when he was desperate for avoiding talking about a particular topic.

“What about?”

“Nothing important.”

“You yelled for nothing important?”

Haruka’s knuckles were white where they gripped the quilt as if he were to fall if he let go; even his lips had lost their colour.

“Drop it,” he hissed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Rin was ready to keep pressing, to annoy Haruka until he blurted out what was bothering him, but he had never seen his friend that distressed, as if there was something physically hurting him for only thinking about whatever he didn’t want Rin to know. _Disoriented_ , doctor Napis had said. What could alter Haruka that much?

The Sultan sighed and looked down, though.

“Alright. Sorry,” he apologised. “I didn’t mean to upset you. But… you don’t have to keep it for yourself.”

“As if you didn’t keep anything for yourself,” Haruka replied through gritted teeth.

“Huh?”

“What use do you really plan on giving me?”

The question took Rin off-guard.

“’Use’? Haru, I’m not using you.” Rin didn’t understand where Haruka’s sudden anger came from; what he was throwing to his face when all Rin had done was trusting him. “If you don’t want to keep doing it, it’s fine,” he added in a whisper.

Haruka shook his head.

“What am I here for?” he rephrased. There was fire in his eyes, but Rin didn’t like it. It was dark, destructive– it was nothing like the sharp glow the Sultan was used to.

“Seeing what I can’t see and listening to what nobody would say if I were present,” he quietly answered.

“Nothing else?”

“Nothing else.”

In that moment, the Sultan knew, without any doubt, that those words had hurt him as much as they had hurt Haruka. His friend hung his head so Rin couldn’t see his eyes.

“...I see,” he whispered. “Sorry.”

Rin instinctively reached out to wrap an arm around Haruka’s shoulders, but a silent, devastating realisation stopped him.

It shouldn’t have happened like that. It should have been when Haruka smiled and Rin realised he had been staring, when he noticed how much he liked looking at his friend. Maybe even watching him sleep, heal slowly after what he’d been through, or when Haruka finally told him what was wrong.

Not then, as the sun set and the garden became dark and cold, as Haruka refused to look at him and Rin didn’t dare say anything, as an invisible breach opened between them and split the bench they were sitting on in two miserable halves. Not when they walked back to the infirmary in silence and Haruka just burrowed himself under the blankets, when Rin’s unanswered _goodnight_ echoed in the dim lit room and the Sultan finally understood why his chest hurt like he had been stabbed too, why he had been so terrified of losing Haruka, why his fingertips itched to touch his friend whenever he was close.

But it was that night when Rin realised he was hopelessly in love with Haruka.

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

 

 

Rin didn’t stop visiting Haruka. Didn’t stop talking to him, didn’t stop taking him out for a bit every day before walking him back to the infirmary.

He never brought that awful evening up again, though. He looked uncomfortable whenever Haruka thought back about something, but despite how present that day was in his mind he made a conscious effort not to talk about it. Remembering hurt, and Rin didn’t seem to be any better at pretending than him. Voicing his concerns had been a mistake, and maybe not being completely sincere had been the best option. Therefore, Haruka kept quiet for as long as possible, until the Sultan’s loud nature took over the situation.

The worst part was Haruka had no right to feel the way he did. Rin owed him nothing; if anyone was indebted, it was him. The Sultan not only had refused to punish him for stealing –Haruka still had his two hands–, but also helped him way more than he should.

Yet Napis had planted the seed of a doubt within his heart. There was nothing Haruka didn’t dread about the first time he had completely woken up after being stabbed; even when he was allowed to go home, Haruka had trouble keeping his breathing even whenever he remembered it. For days Napis had enjoyed himself by mortifying Haruka, running cold fingers over his skin and casually mentioning Rin, fully aware of the pain he inflicted.

Haruka left the palace the second he was allowed out of the infirmary, ignoring Rin’s concern and the doctor’s cynicism. He locked himself up in his room for hours, and only Makoto could get him to open the door. His friend didn’t ask, only sat by his side until they both heard Haruka’s stomach grumble. Haruka frowned at Makoto’s laugh as he was dragged out of the bedroom to have dinner with the rest of their family, feeling the tiniest bit better.

He had probably misunderstood his own feelings, anyway. He felt grateful towards Rin, and maybe he had mistook all the boundaries that vanished whenever the Sultan was close as something different. Maybe Rin’s natural glow had confused him, and the touch that never felt out of place had deluded Haruka into believing he wished anything else.

Whatever _anything else_ meant.

It didn’t matter. Rin had no interest in having Haruka as one of his lovers, and Haruka didn’t want it anyway; if Napis’ hands had left him so shaken up, he didn’t dare think about having Rin’s fingers exploring every patch of his skin, about finding out if the Sultan’s lips were as soft as they looked; about those sharp teeth closing around–

Haruka’s train of thought stopped abruptly when he choked on an olive, effectively attracting everyone’s attention.

“Haru, darling, be careful,” Makoto’s mother scolded as her oldest son patted Haruka’s back. The olive fell on Haruka’s plate as he caught his breath.

“You even got all red,” Ran pointed out. Ren nodded. “Are you alright?”

Haruka mumbled a barely audible _yes_ , still flustered and feeling terribly stupid.

 

 

Maybe it was actually good that Rin was that distant. If Napis had said the truth, people had the idea Haruka was trying to convince the Sultan to put an end to the war; and while he hated the conflict, hated what it had done to his family and supposed Rin noticed those things too, he had never told him anything about it.

So he tried to chop Makoto’s family off the list of topics allowed. He would trail off and start with a whole different sentence when he accidentally started a comment about any of them, would make up an excuse to leave as soon as possible when Rin showed interest about Ran, Ren or Makoto.

But there was only so long he could keep Rin at bay, and some days after his birthday the Sultan ended up getting rid of the awkwardness that seemed to surround all their interactions to corner him against a cold wall in an empty hallway. Quite literally; Haruka had to push Rin to keep him at an arm’s distance.

“Don’t do that,” he hissed.

“Don’t avoid me,” Rin shot back. “You’ve been acting odd lately.”

“I’m just–” Haruka looked aside, as if the perfect answer were going to walk out the nearest door. “I’m busy.”

“Busy with what? I haven’t ordered you anything specific yet.”

“Why does everything have to be related to you?” Haruka hissed, frustrated.

“Isn’t it?”

Haruka bit his lip, unable to look at Rin. He had been investigating about the war; since it was an ongoing conflict, there were as many interpretations as different people in the palace. But he couldn’t tell Rin that the reason was his need to know why so many noblemen were against ending it.

“Haru.” Now Rin didn’t sound pushy anymore; for a second Haruka felt the same concern he had heard in his voice when he apologised for asking about the incident with Napis in his voice. “Whatever is wrong, we can solve it.”

Haruka gritted his teeth as he looked up again. He smacked Rin’s hand away when the Sultan started reaching for him, stepping forward so his friend recoiled.

“I can manage on my own,” he replied, trying not to think about Rin’s hurt expression. “You only have to tell me what you want me to find out for you.”

He walked away, started running after he turned around the corner. He only slowed his pace when he got close to the garden of myrtles, realising too late he didn’t want to go there.

Haruka paled when he found doctor Napis walking into the palace from the garden. His palm still itched where it had hit Rin’s fingers to stop them from touching him, and the reason was before him, seemingly unaware to his presence until he passed by his side.

“Oh, good afternoon,” he greeted with a smile.

Haruka forced himself to not step back.

“What do you want?” Now he wasn’t defenceless, he could probably deal with Napis just fine even though the fresh scar on his side still hurt at times.

“You are so defensive,” the man commented. “I was hoping you would come so I could see how your wound is,” he started, “but you don’t seem to care about your health enough.” He sighed. “Which you really should; even despite my abilities, it’s incredible you are recovering so well–”

“What do you _want_.” Haruka repeated. Being so close to that man was making him sick.

“Congratulations. You’re keeping His Highness distracted so he can’t impose his will whenever he can.” Haruka’s hands closed into fists; he forced himself to breathe through his nose. He hated how Napis was having it his way and he was forced to watch and even cooperate. “It’s interesting how you affect him.”

“Is that all?” Haruka only wanted to leave.

“Yes.” Napis’ cynical smile vanished, expression serious as he placed his hand on Haruka’s shoulder. Unlike a few minutes before, he froze under the touch. “Congratulations, you’re doing a really good job.”

Haruka was trembling when he entered his room in the palace, too shaken up to try to get any further. He locked the door and burrowed under the bedsheets, not even answering when Rin knocked and quietly asked if he felt like swimming.

For once, though, Haruka didn’t want to swim. He only wanted that dark, viscous fear, to stop squeezing his heart.

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me longer than usual to update. Sakuraweek took my soul and... well, I don't think my excuses are that interesting.

 

 

 

Rin could almost feel how Haruka was becoming smoke as days passed, drifting away and slipping between his fingers when the Sultan thought he had finally taken a grip of him. His friend didn’t even look comfortable in his presence anymore; all he did was fidgeting and looking around until Rin blurted out the first stupidity he could think of and let him leave.

And he was scared. Because he knew what the next step would be, knew Haruka would eventually voice that he was getting tired of his job, or felt unsure since the attack, or– or had found out, somehow, that the only flaw of the plot was him being alive, not the Sultan being unharmed.

“Why is he so important?” Sousuke asked one night in an almost teasing tone, raising an eyebrow when Rin voiced his concerns about Haruka’s potential resignation. They were in the Sultan’s chambers.

“Wh––” Rin shook his head so vigorously his turban almost fell off, hoping his hair concealed the heat radiating off his cheeks. “Because he is helpful and trustworthy, and... uh...” He cleared his throat. “He’s a good friend too.”

Sousuke snorted.

“Anyone would be a good friend when given the liberties he has.” He shoved Rin in the shoulder. “You’ve just gotten fond of him because he doesn’t treat you differently.”

Rin looked away. _Fond_ was a funny euphemism.

“Why don’t you send him away?” Sousuke suggested after a long silence.

It wasn’t as if the Sultan hadn’t thought about it. Actually, he had the impression it was be the best option: some time away would help them both think, would give Haruka the space he so clearly needed and Rin was unable to provide, and also would keep him away from the palace and therefore safe from people who undoubtedly still wanted to get rid of him.

But at the same time he didn’t want to. Which was upsetting in itself; Rin should be able to put what was correct before his own selfish emotions, and all he wanted was to keep Haruka by his side even though he was well aware it might end with his friend leaving by himself.

“By the way, are you going to do something about what your mother said?”

Rin flinched as if he had been hit. He didn’t need any kind of clarification, but he asked anyway:

“About what?”

“Your future wife.”

Rin covered his face with his hands. “I’m too young to get married,” he mumbled into his palms.

“You’re sixteen,” Sousuke reminded him. “People will talk; you should at least have one candidate to court.”

Rin groaned.

“I don’t want to court anyone.”

Sousuke placed a hand on his shoulder, and Rin let his hands fall on his lap as his friend stood up to leave. “You will have to.”

 

 

When Rin fell asleep, he dreamt he woke up next to a faceless woman. She didn’t have a mouth, yet she kissed him as she straddled his hips, ordered him to give the country a heir as the dream got darker and darker and Haruka, who had passed unnoticed during the first half of the nightmare, walked out of the room, slamming the door shut.

He awoke breathless, trembling as if he had a fever as he clumsily wiped the tears out of his eyes. The Sultan drew his knees up to his chest, trying to stop shaking as his heart slowed down, sobs wrecking his entire form.

Rin’s head hurt when he finally managed to calm down. He breathed deeply several times, looked around for something to distract himself with even though the canopy isolated him from the rest of his bedroom; he didn’t want to go back to sleep just yet. His mind automatically flew to the natatorium, but the Sultan rejected the idea quickly. Being in the water would only make him think about Haruka, about his nightmare; and he wasn’t ready to face his fears, not yet.

He crawled to the edge of the bed and drew the canopy when he finally settled on going for a walk. Maybe he could even go to the city, if walking around the palace wasn’t enough to calm him down.

He inhaled sharply when his gaze fixed on the balcony, though, almost falling back to the bed when he recognised the figure standing in his bedroom. A hand was on Rin’s mouth before he could make any noise, his heartbeat speeding up again despite knowing the intruder.

Haruka let go when Rin pinched his wrist in mild annoyance.

“What _on the Gods’ name_ do you think you’re doing?” the Sultan hissed. “The guards have been ordered to do whatever it takes to subdue intruders; if they had seen you–”

“But nobody saw me.”

Rin felt his cheeks heating up when he took in the whole picture. Haruka had come to his room, slipping past well trained guards, in the middle of the night. Had the Sultan not been still shaken up by his nightmare, he would have felt more than flattered.

Instead the thought only hurt.

“Why are you here?” Rin asked quietly.

Haruka’s hands closed into fists, but he didn’t look away.

“I have to talk to you.”

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

 

 

 

One night Haruka snuck out of the city, to a little oasis he had taken the Sultan to once, more than one year ago.

Since Rin had become Sultan, Haruka could swim in the palace natatorium whenever he wanted without asking for permission (unless the Princess claimed it as her own, of course), but he didn’t want to get interrupted or share the water with Rin. Lately being near him felt like suffocating, with all the secrets he was forced to keep to himself, and all the secrets he didn’t want him to know.

Not to mention he needed to be alone to think. He couldn’t bring himself to not be tense in the palace, where he could bump into Napis any moment, and his house was no better; Makoto had nothing but good intentions, but he knew Haruka too well. And Haruka didn’t dare think about his reaction if he found out his family might be in danger because of his best friend’s stupidity.

The oasis wasn’t that far away anyway; Haruka trusted the camel to not flee, so he left it untied as he quickly took his clothes off and jumped into the lake.

The icy water cut into his skin like a thousand knives, and for a second Haruka was frozen underwater, before he remembered where his limbs were and breached. He started swimming slowly, focusing more on getting some warmth into his body than thinking. The full moon reflected on the surface, reminding him of a time when everything had been easier.

Before he heard Napis talking about how he was killing the Sultan, before he unknowingly got involved with their schemes and almost died. When his biggest concerns were getting food for his family and beating Rin in whatever competition the then Prince thought about.

Haruka turned around, floating on his back as he stared up at the moon.

He had been slowly realising what Napis achieved with his incessant teasing. By constantly upsetting him, he made Rin worry, and therefore be too distracted to put his mind in more important matters like ending the war. Haruka hated the idea of being weak enough to let those words hurt him, but what really worried him was how true they were, in some twisted way. Pathetic as it might be, a part of Haruka wished Rin wanted him as more than a spy, because that would mean there was something in Haruka he actually loved.

Haruka sank his head into the water, almost thankful for the painful cold he had nearly forgotten during the last minutes. He didn’t like whining, even though he didn’t do it aloud. Self-pity was useless, and he had come to the oasis to think of a solution to his problems.

He supposed he could just tell Rin about the advantages of continuing the war. It wasn’t lying, just… saying things from a different point of view. Haruka didn’t know much about politics, but the country would surely be benefited if the war was won.

Which would mean Napis had won. And it made Haruka’s insides boil.

He remembered the day he had accepted Rin’s offer. Back then he had been sure he could do his job, had thought it wouldn’t be too hard. Had believed he could bear whatever came with it.

But now, Haruka was learning in the worst way possible that he had been wrong. His family was threatened without knowing, Rin was surrounded by who knew how many traitors. Traitors who would get rid of him if the Sultan didn’t do what they wanted him to.

Haruka dove into the water, swam through the darkness hiding behind his closed eyes. He had never been the right person to be the Sultan’s spy; whatever Rin did, it would end up a tragedy. Haruka breached when he felt a dull pain in his chest, but it didn’t vanish when he took in big gulps of air and his lungs stopped complaining.

He recognised his own fear mixed with realisation, but it took a bit for his brain to shape it into something coherent.

Rin was in danger too. Rin was constantly in danger, because despite Napis’ words Haruka had little to do with the Sultan’s resolve to end the war.

And that was where Haruka saw, clearer than the moon, his way out of his dilemma. It had always been there, since the first time Rin had asked him what was wrong.

He would only have to trust the Sultan.

 

 

Later that night, Haruka found himself sitting cross-legged on Rin’s bed, the canopy drawn around them to create a tiny, new universe just for the two of them.

“What do you want?” Rin asked.

Haruka noticed his friend’s reddened eyes, but didn’t make any remark. It wasn’t the best idea; he had to tidy up his thoughts and shape his words so Rin understood how important they were.

“Nobody wanted to kill you that day,” he prefaced.

There was no surprise on Rin’s face, like Haruka had anticipated. Only shock that dissipated as Rin looked away.

“I know.”

Haruka frowned. “You… know?”

Rin ran his fingers through his red hair

“Look, I– I should have told you, alright?” He bit his lower lip, staring at his lap. “I’ve known for weeks.” His voice was quiet, thin with shame. “I checked Dolat’s route… He never even tried to get close to my room.”

He fell silent, still refusing to look at Haruka.

Haruka tried to understand– he really did. If Rin knew about his attack, why hadn’t he said anything? It wasn’t news for him, but Rin should have told him, right?

Suddenly the night felt colder, even inside the canopy.

“You didn’t tell me.”

“I thought– I didn’t want–” Rin pulled at red strands, took a deep breath. “I thought you would be safe, since the Vulians were already in jail.”

Haruka hugged himself, trying to ignore the freezing cold seeping into his bones. Anger was slowly making its way through his body, but it wasn’t hot. He was just disappointed. “And yet you wanted me to–”

“I am so sorry.” Rin finally looked at him again, his eyes pleading. “I was scared, Haru. It was– You don’t understand. Everyone had said you wouldn’t make it through the night, but then you woke up and I was so _happy_ , but you were upset and I told myself that you didn’t need to know, that you would only get more upset… I didn’t want you to leave so soon, when I had almost lost you–” Rin opened and closed his mouth several times, then looked away again. “I’m sorry.”

Rin had never looked like a Sultan to Haruka; but that night, as he listened to his rushed explanations, to his heartfelt apologies, he didn’t feel like some merchants’ adoptive son either. The fear in Rin’s voice kept him grounded to a reality where the two of them stood on the same ground; and for the first time Haruka realised that was the reality Rin wanted, too.

It wasn’t just good-will. Rin wouldn’t even acknowledge Haruka’s anger if that were the case; nobody forced the Sultan to keep his employees informed, anyway.

A friend, though…

“If I left,” Haruka mused, “would it be too complicated for you to find a replacement?”

Rin grimaced. “It’d be impossible.”

Haruka swallowed down. _Irreplaceable_.

He liked that idea.

“Do you know why I was stabbed?” he asked again. Rin shook his head. “I was their target because they think I’m convincing you to end the war and they don’t want to.”

Rin finally looked at him again, eyes widening with each word he heard.

“There’s more, right? Who are ‘they’?”

Haruka closed his eyes as he talked. He told Rin about Napis, about the threat looming over his family; apologised for the awful job he had done lately and made the Sultan promise he wouldn’t give him away. Avoided mentioning unnecessary parts. Answered most of Rin’s questions, until his friend asked one he didn’t understand after a particularly long silence.

“Can I hug you?”

Haruka blinked.

“Huh?”

Rin seemed to fight his own doubts for some seconds. “I won’t ask you what Napis did if you don’t want me to,” he started, gently, “but lately you’re tense when people are close… he has something to do with it, right?”

“Why do you want to hug me?” Haruka asked. _How do you know_ was what he meant.

Rin scooted the tiniest bit closer. “Because you look like you need it.”

Haruka frowned. He didn’t need any hug.

“You can,” he whispered, though.

As Rin wrapped his arms around him, Haruka leant his head on the Sultan’s shoulder. His stomach tightened at the scent coming from his hair, but the warmth surrounding him was too inviting to resist it. Instinctively Haruka hugged Rin back, not quite succeeding on his task of staying awake. The nights he had spent with his eyes wide open, staring at the wall in fear, were finally getting to him.

And, against all odds, Haruka found out that _irreplaceable_ , while it was warm, wasn’t the word he wanted.

It wasn’t enough.

“What’s wrong?” Rin asked from somewhere near Haruka’s right ear when he struggled to break free from the hug.

“I have to go,” Haruka mumbled as the Sultan let go of him. “I need to sleep.”

Rin chuckled. “What about thinking of what we should do about all of this?”

Haruka shook his head as he crawled to the edge of the bed. He really didn’t understand how Rin hadn’t found out yet he was trying to run away.

“Tomorrow.”

He turned around to look at Rin before drawing the canopy again. The Sultan’s eyes were still red, but he was smiling.

“Try not to be seen,” he said as a farewell.

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

 

 

 

The day after a fight so loud even people outside the palace walls heard, Haruka left the city.

Rin didn’t even told him personally. The morning following the fight he scribbled an order in a short letter and sent a messenger to deliver it to Haruka, then cancelled all his duties for the whole day. The news spread among the noblemen like an illness, and the rumours exaggerated it so much doctor Napis himself went to the Sultan’s chambers to ask him if he needed something.

“What makes you think I do?” Rin snapped, petulant. The man apologised with a bow and left the room.

Rin couldn’t help but chuckle as he walked to the balcony. He quickly spotted Haruka, ready to get on his camel, and smiled at the memory of their fight.

It had actually just been an argument over who had won the umpteenth race in the natatorium, but after noticing how quickly the rumour had spread Haruka had gotten an idea: his departure would make more of an impact if Napis thought Rin did it out of anger, so they whispered the right words to the right people.

They had found a rather obvious solution to both Haruka and Rin’s interests: if Haruka wasn’t with the Sultan, there was no way someone thought Rin was being manipulated into ending the war, and therefore the Tachibanas would be safe. At the same time, Haruka would be able to investigate about the merchants who had plotted his murder once he arrived into the southern cities (never going near the zones in war; it had been Rin’s only requirement), where the Vulians usually traded. Not to mention Rin would be able to do some research in the palace too; his main goal was learning who were the people Napis was involved with so he could arrest them all, or at least finding the ones potentially dangerous for Haruka’s family.

The only part Rin didn’t like about their plan was being separated from Haruka for who knew how long. For all Rin knew, his friend could easily fake his death and never come back, and it would be a more efficient way to protect the Tachibanas. But Haruka had assured him he would return with interesting information, so Rin willed the uneasiness coiling in the pit of his stomach away. All he could do was trusting Haruka; up until that moment it had been a good idea.

Haruka looked up when he got on the camel. His eyes scanned the front of the palace, fixing on the Sultan when they spotted him. Rin’s smile grew wider.

At least, until Haruka was out of sight.

 

 

While Haruka travelled south, Rin had to make sure to be in control of what happened in his own palace.

Rin knew being open about his plans of ending the war would only make the situation more dangerous for him before Sousuke warned him, but it was also the best way to have an idea of who he should watch closer.

It wasn’t as if he felt any less threatened; most noblemen and wealthy merchants were against ending the war, appealing to the country’s pride, to the serious affront they had suffered and the resources they would be able to exploit when they finally won, even though it wasn’t as easy as they made it sound. Rin tried to give them his own reasons, but after days of useless debates and increasingly annoying headaches he could only get a few minor noblemen to agree. So he suggested he himself would take on the expenses, using his own family’s money.

He wasn’t exactly surprised when they didn’t like the idea.

And then, there was an incident, two weeks after Haruka left.

Rin had gotten used to make Ryuugazaki, son of Ryuugazaki and just as obsessed with rules as his father, walk with him everywhere during the day. The guard was younger than him, but came from a family that had served in the palace for two hundred years and was one of the best trained men in the palace. He was also knowledgeable about many topics and entertaining to talk to, and Rin found himself enjoying their conversations.

That day, they were having a walk in the garden; Ryuugazaki was talking about what he knew about the situation in the southern regions thanks to the letters he received from his relatives. Rin was thankful Haruka wouldn’t get to see the worst face of the war, but he said nothing.

That was when it happened.

Something glinting over the palace wall caught Rin’s attention. He barely had the time to step back before it flew towards him, and couldn’t even cry out when Ryuugazaki pushed him aside and an arrow brushed his arm, landing on the ground. Rin hadn’t even looked down when Ryuugazaki took out his sword and yelled for the other guards to catch the attacker, who was nowhere to be seen.

“Highness, please, you should get inside,” he commanded, and Rin could only nod and let the guard lead him through the nearest entrance, trying to process what had just happened. A stifled yelp tore through the numbness, though, and Rin blinked at Ryuugazaki without understanding.

“Are you hurt?” The words left his lips with a strange calm. For some reason, Ryuugazaki looked more scared after hearing them.

“Highness, you– you’re bleeding.”

Still not entirely aware of what was going on, Rin looked down. The arrow had barely scrapped his right arm, but there was a cut slicing the skin. Rin couldn’t feel any pain, though. Not yet.

“It’s alright,” he heard himself say, blinking at the blood oozing out the wound. Should he be scared? He couldn’t tell. “It’s just a scratch.”

“You should go to the infirmary, get your arm bandaged…”

“I said I’m fine,” Rin hissed, irritated now. He shook his head, tried to get a grip of his swirling thoughts. “I don’t need the infirmary.”

“But, Highness–”

“Escort me to my chambers.”

As they walked, Ryuugazaki still with his sword unsheathed just in case, Rin finally started feeling the stinging as blood flowed out the wound. It helped him think more clearly, though, so he didn’t mind. Slowly he was able to hear mundane sounds, like servants talking some hallways away and young guards training on the yard.

And when he was passing near the infirmary, he got to hear doctor Napis’ voice, coming from an adjacent hallway.

“…completely irresponsible, whose was the bright idea?”

“He’s not as malleable as you predicted,” someone hissed. Rin stopped abruptly, and so did Ryuugazaki. “He will end the war on his own if it’s necessary– We don’t need–”

“What we don’t need is the rest of the Council being suspicious of one another,” Napis cut him off. “He’s a kid; of course he’s stubborn. Stop panicking whenever things don’t go as planned, you pathetic…”

Rin’s eyes widened as he kept listening, not entirely believing those words were coming out of that man’s mouth. Haruka had told him, had explained it, but yet– Hearing about it was one thing; confirming it with his own ears, however, made him nauseous.

Beside him, Ryuugazaki gasped.

Slowly, the Sultan brought his index finger to his lips, an obvious order in his eyes. The guard swallowed down and nodded.

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

 

 

Rin wasn’t surprised by the urgent meeting the day after the attempted murder.

He found the words ‘attempted murder’ a bit funny; that was how his mother, Gou and Sousuke had first learnt about it, and the three of them had stormed into the Sultan’s chambers, probably expecting to see him on his deathbed, only to find Rin perfectly fine, tightening the bandage around his forearm.

“Damn those busybodies,” Sousuke had grunted. “They didn’t word it like that even when Nanase was stabbed.”

Rin’s smile had fallen the tiniest bit.

When he got to the Council hall, he drank half the water of his glass as fourteen noblemen and wealthy merchants expressed their commotion by the incident.

“I am alright,” Rin clarified once they calmed down a bit. “But please, stop calling it ‘attempted murder’. We don’t want to frighten our citizens, do we?”

_Do we?_

“We are worried, Highness,” Mr. Aebos explained, pushing his long black fringe back. “We thought this sort of thing would be over when the traitor Vulian and his wife were arrested, but you aren’t safe even now.”

“His Highness was never safe; he was just lucky that ruffian found his counsellor first.” Rin bit his tongue. He often wondered how much the noblemen knew, which words were true and which had been rehearsed. “The enemy is among us.” Mr. Ihses looked around him, as if his black eyes could see through everyone’s soul.

“How dare you!” Mr. Idra howled. “My family has served the Sultan since–”

“What makes you think it’s one of us?” Mrs. Marea cut him off. “For all we know, that man could belong to any association to overthrow the Sultan.”

“Arguing won’t lead us anywhere,” Mr. Elayo sighed. “Where is Dame Ágata when we need her? She would stop this childish fight in a second.”

“She doesn’t feel well,” Mrs. Alinwa helpfully supplied, playing with her blonde curls.

“How convenient.” Mr. Eioth shoved Mr. Feeta in the shoulder, and the end of his remark was a stifled yelp. “What? It’s true.”

“You insolent child–” Mr. Idra kept ranting.

“We aren’t getting anywhere,” Mr. Alsanoa grunted, rubbing what was left of his arm. Gou had asked him how he had lost it when she was seven, and she hadn’t told anyone the story yet.

“That’s true,” Mrs. Ynes bit her lip. “What is important now is securing the sultanate.”

That was the last topic Rin had expected them to touch. He almost choked on his water. “Huh?”

“You haven’t given the sultanate an heir yet,” Mrs. Drei pointed out.

“And?” Rin couldn’t help the defensive edge in his voice. He didn’t want to give anyone an heir.

“In case a disgrace happened… the Gods forbid it…” Mrs. Abora breathed in deeply. “Our people wouldn’t accept your sister as their ruler.”

“I’m not planning to die,” Rin replied.

“Death has the bad habit of coming unannounced,” Mrs. Drei mumbled. It sounded like a verdict.

Rin couldn’t suppress a shudder.

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt a bit bad for posting something where nothing happens, so here you go!

 

 

 

When Haruka came back, he brought several people with him.

It hadn’t been completely intentional, to be honest; Haruka had already gathered enough information when he stumbled upon an irritatingly cheerful boy that looked around his age, and then made the mistake of mentioning the Tachibanas.

It turned out the Shiginos, whose lives revolved around trading across the desert too, knew Makoto’s family. They hadn’t heard of them since the war started, and looked happy when Haruka confirmed they were alright. Then the ever happy boy, Kisumi (who happened to be the couple’s oldest son), suggested going with his uncles and several cousins to the capital and also making sure Haruka arrived alright.

It would have been impolite refusing, so Haruka had accepted. The Shiginos wanted to talk to the Sultan anyway; most southern trade routes were completely unsafe those days, and they were thinking about restoring old roads, which would need both Rin’s approval and money. It wasn’t until they mentioned a name he had written down during his research that he got actually interested in them.

Nothing they said about the irregularities taking place in the south contradicted what Haruka had learnt by himself. They would provide the Sultan the testimonies he needed to prove his accusations.

Haruka hoped Rin talked to him first, though. He wanted to explain the situation before the Shiginos appeared on the scene.

(And maybe he just wanted to see the Sultan again.)

He left the Shiginos shortly after they entered the city, quickly running towards the wall, to the vine he usually climbed to sneak into the palace, eager to talk to Rin. He didn’t find the plant, though. Someone had bothered to pull it up so nobody had the chance to use it to break in anymore.

Haruka frowned. Even after becoming Sultan, RIn snuck out at night sometimes using their shared secret. Uprooting the way out meant that someone else had found out, or–

Or that something had happened during Haruka’s absence.

“Oh, _you_.” Haruka looked up at a bearded guard staring at him from the top of the wall. He knew that man; back when Haruka was just the boy that kept being caught in the natatorium, that old guard always chuckled when his partners complained about not being able to catch him. “Better use the door, kid. Things have been rough lately and we don’t want any more accidents.”

So Haruka had to walk into the palace like any normal person. At least he didn’t have to wait for long before Rin sent a guard to escort him to his chambers; the Sultan pulled him into a hug the second the door closed behind him, and for a second Haruka forgot about everything that wasn’t Rin.

“ _Finally_.” Rin’s arms tightened around Haruka as he remembered where his own were and hugged the Sultan back.

“What, did you miss me?”

Rin stepped back, with a scowl that wasn’t enough to erase the tiniest hue of pink from his cheeks.

“Maybe.” His fingers were still slightly curled around Haruka’s forearms, though. He quickly drew his hands back.

“I did what you asked me to,” Haruka said, choosing to ignore the discordance between Rin’s gestures and words. Thinking about it made his heart thump too loudly against his ribs.

“I did some research here, too,” Rin replied, smiling as he sat on his bed. Haruka caught a glimpse of a white bandage around his forearm before the fabric of Rin’s dark cape hid it again. “But tell me what you know fi––”

Without thinking, Haruka grabbed Rin’s wrist, forcing the Sultan to stretch his arm out.

“What happened?”

Rin tried to pull away, looking down when Haruka didn’t allow him to.

“It’s nothing.” He seemed uncomfortable. “Someone decided to pierce my heart with an arrow, apparently, but failed. I’ve had to reinforce the vigilance, and–”

“Pull the vine up?”

Rin bit his lip, still not looking at Haruka. “Among other things.” He took a deep breath, as if steeling himself, and his eyes finally met Haruka’s. “But you’re the one who should be answering questions.”

Haruka had to admit the Sultan had a point. He sit down on the edge of a divan and told Rin what he knew. He talked about how many merchants had started trading with weapons, how it was more profitable than selling other things. He also told Rin that the Vulians, among other families, were taking advantage of the low vigilance of the roads to illegally import raw materials from the neighbouring country, paying half as much as they should.

Rin seemed scandalised when Haruka finished talking.

“So that’s why they want the war to go on?!” Haruka shrugged, watching as the Sultan walked in circles. “Selling weapons is one thing, but importing without paying taxes… They don’t even need that much money.” He turned around to look at Haruka. “Did you get names?”

Haruka nodded.

“Alright.” Rin stopped in his tracks. “I don’t want people to know how I found out, so can’t arrest them with your testimony as proof; but apparently there are some merchants who want to talk to me about changing the southern trade routes, and they probably–”

“They know many things,” Haruka interrupted, guessing Rin had talked to them while he found out their vine was no longer there. “They came with me,” he explained.

“Then... I’ll have dinner with them tonight,” the Sultan decided. He shot Haruka an apologetic glance. “I’m sorry, you must be tired... but would you come too? I need to make sure what they say is the truth.”

Haruka sighed. He wanted to go back to his house and greet the Tachibanas, but he also understood this was more important, so he nodded. He would have plenty of time to spend with his family afterwards.

“By the way, Haru.” He looked at Rin. “Apparently Napis didn’t agree to this,” he explained, showing his bandaged arm. “I told you, I haven’t just sat by these weeks,” he added when Haruka’s eyes widened.

“You have proof he’s involved and he’s still free?” Rin nodded as Haruka stood up too. “You’re putting yourself in danger.”

The Sultan glared at him. “I’m not a child. I can take care of myself.”

“Sure,” Haruka snapped back, glancing at Rin’s wounded arm. “You are doing such a great job.”

“How do you think this works?” Rin was steadily raising his voice. “Do you think I can just put everyone I find suspicious in jail?”

“Then what are you waiting for? All he’s doing is–”

“I arrest him now,” Rin hissed, “his friends will hide again, like they did after– after the Vulians were caught. I know it’s dangerous without your superior wisdom,” he spat, “but I plan on locking him up as soon as I know how to protect your family.”

For a second, Haruka couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

Then he looked down, his anger quickly dissolving into shame. Something cold squeezed his heart; it had been easy, as he travelled and investigated, forget about the delicate situation waiting for him at the palace, but now he couldn’t ignore it anymore. Rin was taking unnecessary risks. For him.

“Sorry.”

Rin sighed. As Haruka looked up, he saw him pout a bit.

“Don’t worry. It doesn’t hurt that much.” The Sultan shook his head to stop Haruka from speaking. “Now go get ready for tonight.”

 

 

Haruka’s afternoon wasn’t as hectic as Rin’s, fortunately. He swam in the pool until his fingers looked like old prunes, then walked to his room and changed into clean clothes someone –under Rin’s orders, probably– had left for him on the bed. He almost fell asleep when he laid down, but he mustered whatever willpower he had left within him after the long trip and went to Rin’s chambers.

His body went rigid when doctor Napis passed him, unable to even glare at the man when he gave him that mocking smirk that never failed to get on Haruka’s nerves.

“I know you hate him, but you already know why he’s here,” Rin excused himself five minutes later. He was already properly dressed, too, and Haruka found himself having trouble looking away. “We just have to be careful not to get sick. And you’re allowed to punch him if he bothers you too much.”

Haruka looked aside. He knew Rin didn’t mean any harm by downplaying the situation, but it made his cheeks burn out of shame for not being able to tell him the _other_ part, the one that at times still made him awake drenched in cold sweat as the ghost of thin fingers trailed down his stomach.

“How long has he been here?” he asked instead.

“Hmmm... I remember other main doctor before him, but I was still a kid when he came here,” Rin recalled. “I used to like him because he was really young and usually didn’t tell my parents when Sousuke, Gou and I did something wrong. Why?”

Haruka shrugged, trying to shake off the guilt gnawing at him at the mention of Toraichi Matsuoka. Throughout the last months, he had thought it would be fine if Rin never learnt his father hadn’t died from an illness; but whenever the Sultan mentioned him he wished he had told him.

“Well, let’s go, I have to talk to Sousuke before  dinner,” Haruka followed the Sultan through several hallways until they reached Sousuke’s bedroom. “Oi, open the door. I bet you’ve been napping for the whole afternoon.”

Sousuke didn’t look sleepy when he walked out the room, though. “What do you want?”

Rin’s bracelets jingled when he laced his hands behind his back.

“We’re going to have dinner with some important merchants from the South and–”

“’We’?” Sousuke repeated. He then noticed Haruka. “Are you seriously going with _him_?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Haruka snapped, unable to stay quiet.

“You could at least go with someone with some idea of how things work,” Sousuke replied, pretending he hadn’t heard Haruka and clearly failing.

“Like you?” Haruka didn’t bother concealing his dislike. “Maybe you’re not as knowledgeable as you think.”

“You’re right, I’m not as good at sneaking into other people’s homes as _others_.”

“Oh, shut up, both of you,” Rin interjected, raising his voice in exasperation as he turned towards Sousuke again. “I just came to warn you, since I confirmed some suspicions.” Against his will, his friend tore his gaze off Haruka. “Weapons trade is really profitable for some of our merchant friends. Others, though–”

“Highness.” The three men turned towards Ryuugazaki, who bowed before the Sultan. “Your guests are already here; they were sent to the dining room.”

For a second Rin looked conflicted; then he nodded and started walking behind the guard. Haruka followed him, ignoring Sousuke’s glare digging holes into his back.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

 

 

 

It was a good evening, all things considered. They talked as they ate, and Haruka nodded at Rin whenever the merchants said something that coincided with what he had found out on his trip. When they finished the desserts, though, they moved to a little living room to keep talking while they drank wine, Rin more than anyone –maybe the one he liked the most tasted awful for most people– as Haruka took small sips from his glass of water.

Haruka had seen Rin drink before, though never as much as that night. He wasn’t necessarily inebriated yet, but his eyes shone differently, with a feverish glint.

“Maybe it’s time to go to bed, Highness,” Haruka suggested quietly as the merchants laughed at one of Kisumi’s vulgar jokes.

Rin turned towards him, cheeks red as his hair stuck to his sweaty temples.

“If you’re implying I’m drunk–”

“I’m not _implying_.”

Rin opened his mouth to retort, but then his face contorted in pain, the hand that wasn’t holding the glass pressing against his stomach.

“I’ll have your tongue cut off for saying such disrespectful things,” he finally said, oddly breathless. “You haven’t even had a single glass, of course everyone is drunk to your eyes.”

Haruka didn’t reply, but he squinted when the Sultan resumed talking to the merchants. His frown deepened when Kisumi winked at him.

That strange bout of pain seemed to overtake Rin at least twice more, and the last time was so intense that even the merchants noticed. Haruka forgot about protocol when Rin stood up to illustrate an anecdote and had to lean onto the table, grabbing the Sultan’s arm and dragging him outside the room.

“What are you doing?” Rin snapped, though he had to lean on the wall. Under the light of the torches, Haruka could see how pale he had become, beads of sweat shining on his skin. His lower lip quivered as if he were cold, even though his skin felt like it was burning.

“How much have you drunk?” Haruka asked, despite he didn’t have the slightest idea about how much alcohol was too much.

Rin frowned, so off-guard he had to think. “Uh... two glasses?” He looked at his hand, where the third one laid untouched. He trembled so much the wine was spilling on the floor. “But maybe it was too much, I don’t really... I’m not that used–” The glass fell from his hand and broke in tiny pieces as Rin hugged himself and bent over. Haruka had barely the time to understand what was going on before jumping back as the Sultan threw up on the floor.

And then it hit him.

“It’s not the alcohol,” he muttered, and his words echoed in the hallway. He pressed a hand to Rin’s forehead, remembering how his friend had been the only one who liked such a bitter wine, as Rin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand; he had to resist the urge to pull back. The Sultan tried to straighten himself, but he had to hold onto Haruka to stand. “Where did that wine come from?”

Rin blinked several times, then shook his head.

“I don’t know,” he exhaled in a reedy voice. “But I feel really bad, Haru.”

“Let’s take you to the inf––”

Haruka blanched. He couldn’t let Rin near that damn doctor; the Gods knew what he would do. But if he didn’t receive any help, the Sultan would–

It took only ten seconds for Haruka to make up his mind and sling an arm around Rin’s waist. Rin realised what he was doing and put his arm around his shoulders as Haruka grabbed his hand so he didn’t slip.

The walk towards Rin’s chambers was agonizingly slow, with Rin’s consciousness coming and going in waves; Haruka was focused on advancing, but sometimes he could hear his friend cursing quietly, and by the time they reached their goal the Sultan was barely able to drag his feet to keep walking.

“High–– You!” Haruka turned his head towards a guard as Rin winced. “What have you done?”

Haruka swallowed down, trying to decide what he wanted to say. He only wanted to walk through the bedroom’s door.

“The Sultan doesn’t feel well,” he started. “Notify his mother and sister…” Rin shuddered against him, “and his friend.” He realised too late what it looked like. “Arrest the merchants we were having dinner with,” he added. The guard, after looking at them suspiciously, nodded and turned around to walk away.

_It’s not his deathbed._

When they got into the room Haruka laid Rin on the bed as carefully as he could. The Sultan turned to his side, shaken by violent shudders, and he could barely keep his eyes open as Haruka covered him in blankets, not knowing what else to do as he waited for more people to come.

Rin was literally dying before his eyes, and he could only watch.

“Haru…” he whimpered, hand sliding across the pillow towards his friend. Haruka took it and intertwined their fingers together, without further questioning. Rin was visibly scared.

“What’s happening?”

“I think the wine was poisoned.”

A sob escaped Rin’s lips. His breathing was laborious, as if he had been running.

“Am I dying?” He opened his eyes the tiniest bit as his breathing hitched. “I don’t want to die, Haru.”

“You’re not.” Haruka held his hand tighter. “There has to be a way to help you… An antidote or–”

“Although then it won’t matter that you leave.”

Before Haruka could reply, the door slammed open, making Rin shrink into himself. Haruka let go of his hand as if he had been burnt –which he pretty much had, actually– and looked up as Rin’s mother and sister, both wearing nothing but their nightclothes, took in the sight of the Sultan.

“Gods, what happened?” The woman approached the bed as Haruka stepped back, taking her son in her arms. Rin blindly clung to her nightgown, and his breathing seemed to calm down a bit as his mother ran her fingers through his red hair.

“He was poisoned, I think,” Haruka muttered. Gou kneeled on the bed, looking at her brother with wide eyes.

“Where was the poison?”

Haruka froze. He would have recognised that voice anywhere, but he still looked at doctor Napis as he walked into the bedroom.

“Leave,” he heard himself order.

“What are you saying?”

“ _Leave_ ,” Haruka repeated.

“Are you out of your mind?” the Princess intruded. “My brother needs help!”

Haruka had never really talked to her, but her anger reminded him of Rin’s sharp tone when he felt helpless; for a second he knew, with eerie certainty, that they were just playing their role in that tragedy, and understood his was being the antagonist.

He stepped between the bed and Napis anyway.

“Don’t touch Rin.”

Napis smiled, the exact same gesture Haruka had seen the first time he had awoken after being stabbed.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to. If I don’t, there will be no way to help the Sultan.”

“You’re not going to help him,” Haruka hissed. “It’d be better for you if he died.”

Behind him, Gou gasped.

“That’s a very serious accusation…” she whispered. “Take that back, or else you will be in trouble.”

Haruka pursed his lips. He knew he wouldn’t get in trouble as long as Rin backed up his words.

Rin, whose sobs became weaker with each passing second.

“No.”

Gou got up from the bed and walked until she stood between Haruka and Napis.

“This is ridiculous,” she practically barked. “Haruka, I don’t care about how highly my brother thinks of you. Step aside and let doctor Napis help him, or else I’ll drag you to the dungeon myself.”

“Don’t.”

Haruka couldn’t help but turn around at the sound of Rin’s voice. It sounded feeble, so quiet it seemed it wasn’t there, but it still belonged to the Sultan.

“Don’t take Haru away.”

Rin’s gaze sought Haruka’s, but his eyes closed before meeting his friend’s.

“What’s going on he––” Sousuke stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of his best friend, barely conscious and shuddering in his mother’s arms. “Rin? What’s wrong with him?”

“Just in time,” Gou sighed. “It seems my brother was poisoned.” Sousuke paled. “Please, take care of Haruka while doctor Napis makes sure he–”

“No,” Sousuke cut her off. “He won’t do Rin any good.”

“You too?!” Gou sounded desperate. “What’s with you? Are you that eager to let him die?” Tears shone in her eyes as she raised her voice, no longer a Princess but a girl who just wanted to save her brother.

After glancing at Haruka, Sousuke walked towards the Princess, put his hands on her thin shoulders.

“I promise I’ll explain everything later, just trust me now. We have to help Rin, right?”

Gou nodded. She turned towards Napis, who looked utterly shocked, much to Haruka’s momentary delight.

“Go back to your room,” she ordered. “Your services aren’t required here.”

Oddly enough, Napis didn’t complain. He just bowed and walked out the bedroom.

The Princess rubbed her eyes, probably to get rid of her tears.

“And now what?” she almost sobbed.

“There are plenty of doctors in the School of Medicine,” Sousuke tried to calm her down. “I’ll be back soon.”

Gou nodded as her friend rushed out of the room.

Haruka looked at Rin. He had probably lost consciousness at this point, but he kept trembling, face contorted in pain.

And all they could do was waiting.

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

 

 

 

Rin felt sleepy for a long time.

He spent the whole day either eating or sleeping, or having short conversations with whoever came to visit because even talking was exhausting. He learnt how things were going mostly thanks to Sousuke and Haruka, since Gou was busy doing his job and his mother seemed scared of upsetting him.

He found out doctor Napis had escaped the palace the very same night he had been poisoned, after Haruka refused to let him even get close to Rin. He found out the two new doctors had been afraid of touching him because they didn’t believe he would survive and didn’t want to be accused of being the culprits.

He found out Haruka had only left his side because Sousuke dragged him outside the room.

“I hate saying this, but I can’t blame him.” Rin’s best friend looked at his lap. “We were told it was probably too late for the antidote to take effect.”

Rin burrowed his nose under the blankets.

“It’s nice seeing how much faith you guys have in me,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. He wanted to sleep again; he wondered when it would be enough. “You and Haru don’t like each other much,” he commented. He had wanted to ask that for ages, but the right moment never seemed to come. “Why?”

He didn’t need to look to know Sousuke was shrugging.

“I don’t think being close to him does you any good, that’s all.”

“I think it does,” Rin replied, barely able to not slur. “I don’t want him to leave.”

Sousuke snorted.

“Yeah, Gou told me you’ve already made that pretty clear.”

Rin frowned, but he felt himself drifting towards unconsciousness before he could ask Sousuke what he meant.

 

 

When he awoke again, there was nobody in sight.

Judging by the dim light he could guess on the other side of the canopy, it was already night time. He wasn’t alone in the bedroom, though; he could hear two voices hissing at each other behind the thin fabric surrounding his bed, and he soon realised he knew both of them very well.

“He isn’t stupid,” Haruka was saying. Even though he kept his voice quiet, there was a cold anger seeping into his words.

“I’m not saying he is. I’m just saying you’re confusing him.”

“How so?”

“Not respecting his boundaries, acting like he owes you anything– He might misinterpret it.”

“You’re the one misinterpreting. I haven’t–”

“Like hell you haven’t. Stop pretending you don’t realise what you do and know your place.”

Rin tried to move. His arms still trembled too much for his liking, but he managed to sit upright. He squeezed his eyes shut, breathing in deeply to try to get rid of the nausea threatening to overtake him.

“Can you two stop?” he called, voice tired.

For a second, Haruka and Sousuke even stopped breathing.

“Sorry,” Sousuke apologised. “Now leave,” he ordered Haruka.

Rin sighed. Why couldn’t they just be civil to each other? “No.” He understood after speaking that there was no need to say anything; he hadn’t heard a single step. “Stop giving him orders, Sousuke. Haru has the right to be here as much as you do.”

Sousuke’s heavy footsteps preceded him on his way out. Rin groaned when his friend slammed the door shut; the sound reverberated in his head for several moments as he laid down again, overwhelmed by the need to go back to sleep. Haruka drew the canopy, and Rin’s gaze met blue worried eyes looking down at him.

“Sorry we woke you up,” Haruka mumbled. He looked tired, as if he wasn’t sleeping well; he sat down on the ridiculously big bed, next to Rin, the way he had the first time the Sultan had awakened, and pulled the sheets to properly cover Rin. “Do you need anything?”

Rin shook his head, but he reached for Haruka’s hand nonetheless. When he noticed the tremor in his fingers he wondered if he had a fever again.

“Tell me how things are out there.”

Haruka let out a sigh. It was obvious he didn’t want to.

“The merchants– They haven’t confessed yet. They keep saying they knew nothing about the poison.”

“Under torture?” After a few seconds, Haruka nodded. “Do you think they’re lying?”

Haruka stayed silent for a while, staring at the canopy as he took his time to think. He caressed Rin’s knuckles with his thumb, drawing slow circles on the back of his hand and sending shivers that had nothing to do with a fever down the Sultan’s spine.

“I think there are people in the palace who have more reasons to kill you,” he finally stated, slowly, as if choosing his words very carefully.

“Do you think Napis was involved?”

Haruka frowned. “Why do you care about what I think?”

Rin smiled, closing his eyes. He knew he should tell Haruka he didn’t feel well, but he also wanted to enjoy the quietness of their conversation.

“Because you never sugar-coat the truth.” Rin could tell something was off the second Haruka’s thumb stopped drawing on the back of his hand, but he kept talking nonetheless. “I don’t think it was them either,” he mumbled. “I need to know what happened the other day.”

He should have seen it coming, he thought when Haruka’s fingers disentangled from his and his friend’s hand pressed against his forehead.

“You have a fever.”

“Would’ve never guessed.” Rin grabbed his friend’s hand again. “Don’t leave.”

“I’ll be back in no time,” Haruka replied.

The Sultan shook his head. “Stay. Until I fall asleep... Please.”

He couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty when Haruka sighed, sat back again and resumed playing with his fingers. In that moment, those hands were the only thing in Rin’s world that didn’t feel cold.

“You are so spoiled.” Haruka’s words were barely a whisper, yet they were thick with something Rin couldn’t put a name to.

“Then why do you keep spoiling me?”

Somewhere nearby, Haruka chuckled. Rin stopped fighting to stay awake; he was now sure his friend wouldn’t leave.

“Good night, Rin.”

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

 

 

 

Haruka had known he would have to leave again since Rin had been poisoned.

Ignoring it had been easy when Rin had been unconscious, boiling up as his body tried to get rid of the poison in his system and begged for the pain to stop in his sleep, hands clutching the bedsheets as if he were to fall if he let go. It had been easy when Rin had woken up and Haruka had been too mesmerised by the miracle of not having lost him, of his sleepy gaze and his tired smile.

But Rin was recovering, slow but steady, and now Napis wasn’t in the palace anymore; the Sultan was in good hands, not to mention Rin had plenty of people to take care of him. He didn’t need Haruka with him and Haruka had things to do. There was only so long a trial could be delayed, even though he had asked Sousuke to speak on his behalf.

“I don’t know about poisons,” Makoto admitted one afternoon, “but my parents surely do. Mum did some illegal things when she was young, or so I’ve heard.”

Haruka soon decided he didn’t want to find out which illegal things Mrs. Tachibana had done when she was young. She knew way more than Haruka had asked, and had no problem telling him whose names he would have to look for to learn certain things.

“Is this about something the Sultan ordered?” Makoto asked when Haruka was ready to go back to the palace. He shrugged; Rin hadn’t explicitly ordered anything. Then again, Rin was in no condition to give complex orders yet. “How is he?”

“Better.”

“I’m glad.” Makoto smiled. “When I saw him in the palace he was a bit intimidating, but he seemed to care about you.”

“I already know a lot, so it would be difficult to find someone to replace me now.”

Makoto frowned.

“I didn’t mean–”

“That’s it.”

Haruka could read many questions in his friend’s silence, questions whose answers he didn’t want to think about.

Contrary to what Sousuke believed, he was well aware of his place. He was Rin’s spy and friend; he couldn’t be nothing more, but he wasn’t anything less either. So he would do his job the best he could; he would make sure Rin was safe, that nobody hurt him again and then he would see the Sultan be happy even if his role in it was just being a witness.

The mere idea made Haruka’s blood boil, but he tried to swallow his jealousy down.

That night he packed his things, which he hadn’t even had the time to properly unpack yet; between the dinner with the merchants, Rin’s poisoning and the terror consuming him for days, Haruka had completely forgotten about his own exhaustion after coming back.

Afterwards, he said goodbye to the Tachibanas, ignored Makoto’s concerned look and walked towards the palace; no matter how much Rin trusted him, Haruka was still his employee. And he needed to talk to Sousuke before leaving, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.

He saw Princess Gou walking out Rin’s room, stifling a yawn with the back of her hand. He bowed out of habit, but straightened up when her steps stopped.

“You.” Despite not being more than a whisper, the word echoed in the dark hallway. She sighed. “I owe you an apology, Haruka,” she calmly said, “but I did not know anything when my brother was poisoned.”

It was the first time she even looked at Haruka since that night; there was no resentment in her voice, though. She didn’t seem to be angry for having to apologise, she was just stating the facts.

“I accept your apology,” Haruka carefully replied. “And I don’t blame you. Your position was understandable; his Highness didn’t tell many people about it.”

“’His Highness’,” Gou repeated, amused, and for a second Haruka thought she was teasing him. She was smiling, but there was no ill intent in her voice. “I already know you and my brother are closer than that, but I appreciate your efforts.” She eyed Haruka’s bag. “Why are you leaving? He would love having you close while he gets better.”

Haruka wondered when people had started to know what he wanted to hear. First Makoto and now the Princess.

“I have to.”

Gou frowned.

“It has to do with my brother, doesn’t it? I understand you owe loyalty to him, so I won’t force you to answer,” she quickly added. “But is it related to Sousuke asking to delay the merchants’ trial?” Haruka nodded. “Then I’ll try to help him while you do what you have to. Good luck.”

Haruka didn’t believe in luck, but he nodded again as the Princess resumed walking, waiting until she turned around the corner to enter Rin’s bedroom.

When he had last seen him in the morning, Rin had another fever, but now, when Haruka drew the canopy, he thought the Sultan looked better; his breathing was slow and deep, and a little smile lit up his expression. For a second Haruka wanted to stay for the rest of the night, but he knew he shouldn’t; he had come to say goodbye. So he shook Rin’s shoulder lightly, just enough to awake him.

“Mmh… Haru?” The Sultan blinked at Haruka. “Isn’t it late? It’s dark…”

“I’m leaving,” Haruka told him. “I want to know who did this to you.” Rin rubbed his eyes, tried to sit up. Haruka took his hand; over the last days he had learnt it usually helped soothe Rin.

“Why?” The Sultan pouted. “It’s not fair. You had just come back when I–”

“I’ll be back soon,” Haruka whispered, relieved when Rin nodded as his eyes closed again.

“Really? Promise it,” he mumbled, and he managed to make it sound like an order despite being drifting off again. Since he had been poisoned, Rin had been strangely worried whenever Haruka left his side. As he squeezed the Sultan’s hand, he couldn’t help but remember how he had pleaded that night.

Almost as if–

“I promise,” Haruka replied, trying to stop that particular train of thought. He doubted Rin had heard him; the Sultan’s grasp on his hand was loose. Haruka looked at him after disentangling their fingers and tucking him in, taking in the slightest shade of pink colouring the Sultan’s cheeks as the corner of his lips tugged upwards. He let the smile take over his expression when he brushed a red lock off Rin’s face and he got a wrinkled nose as an answer.

He would be alright.

On his way out Haruka stopped at Sousuke’s room’s door.

“Don’t take too long,” was all the man said.

Haruka nodded.

“Take care of Rin.”

Sousuke let out a snort before closing the door. Haruka was already turning around to leave when he heard his answer:

“Of course.”

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please notice there is a new tag. Also, please take into account that there might be more than one reason for it (one of them, me being paranoid, probably).

 

 

 

One of the first things Rin did when he trusted his legs to not give out was visiting the arrested merchants.

He still looked pale, dark rings under his eyes betraying a sickness that hadn’t completely faded away; he was well aware he had lost weight, but he couldn’t wait anymore. Between Napis’ escape and the merchants’ insistence on their innocence, he was almost sure he hadn’t drunk from the bottle the merchants had given him as a present.

When Rin had expressed his desire to postpone the trial, he had faced opposition. Most nobles thought he was being too soft, and some even dared voice the incident had affected the Sultan’s sanity.

“It’s obvious,” they had insisted. “Who else could have been?”

Despite not agreeing, the judge had considered Rin had a valid point, and therefore given time to investigate where the poison had come from. According to the doctors, no plant produced the substance that had nearly killed the Sultan; someone had bothered with mixing more than two different poisons, probably with the only goal of making a single antidote ineffective.

That was what Haruka wanted to investigate too, according to Sousuke. His friend had left in the middle of the night, after promising Rin he would come back ‘soon’; Rin had been too tired to reply or protest then, and could only cling to the hope that he hadn’t dreamt that farewell. It was unfair, he thought, that Haruka had left so soon. Rin had been given only a few hours to spend with him before he was poisoned.

What really surprised him, though, was the fact that, the way Sousuke explained it, he and Haruka had _cooperated_. Rin supposed it was an improvement in their relationship; it was better than acidic replies and glares, at least, and he wouldn’t mind the two of them getting along.

His best friend insisted on going with him; even though Sousuke knew almost as much as Rin himself, he was visibly worried about the Sultan. It annoyed Rin, but he didn’t want to spend the energy he had gathered throughout the last days arguing, so he pretended not to notice as they walked to the dungeons.

“What do you think Haru will find out?” he asked instead.

“Something useful, hopefully,” Sousuke asked. “Like what poisoned you, and maybe even who."

Rin leant on the wall as Sousuke asked for the key, taking deep breaths and hoping the world would stop spinning around his head. He wasn’t alright yet, not even close, no matter how much he complained about everyone’s worry.

The merchants were together in the biggest cell, sitting against the wall. They would have to testify in the trial no matter what Haruka found out, and so they had been properly taken care of despite the torture; Rin could see the bandages under their clothes, and the wounds that weren’t covered by fabric seemed to be healing well.

From his side of the bars, Rin fixed his gaze on a man that looked around his age, hair light and soft. Unlike the other three men, he hadn’t realised he and his partners had visitors, and kept staring at the opposite wall.

Kisumi was his name, if Rin recalled correctly. He had been so loud that night, before Rin started feeling bad, that his calmness now seemed out of place. Rin had met several people before and after being tortured and had learnt to recognise the pattern, but it didn’t make it any less unpleasant.

“I’ll spare you from protocol for the moment,” he started. He could feel the all prisoners’ stares on him the second he spoke. Even Kisumi tore his gaze off the wall. “You know what the accusations are.”

A tall, lanky man, the one who had spoken to ask the Sultan to listen to them, stood up and walked to the bars with some difficulty.

“We prayed for your recovery, and are thankful to the Gods,” he said.

“Even though you apparently wanted my death?”

The man paled.

“Your Highness, we didn’t–” other started.

“We don’t know what happened, but we would never– We only–”

“That is for the judge to decide, not me. But know there won’t have mercy for the traitors; if any of you–”

“What reason would we have to murder you?” Kisumi interrupted. His partners gasped.

“That, I don’t know.” Rin looked straight at him. “But if you are innocent, you should have no fear, only trust in justice.”

Kisumi laughed. “Justice? You just need someone to be punished so nobody tries to kill you again.”

Rin’s hands closed into fists. It bothered him when people assumed he only care about the country’s wealth, when someone implied he didn’t value his people’s lives.

“Who do you think you are to address the Sultan like that?” Sousuke’s voice unexpectedly echoed in the dungeon, almost making Rin flinch. “You–”

Rin raised a hand, silencing his best friend. It took him more effort than he’d expected.

“It’s not necessary,” he muttered. “While you have logical reasons to have that kind of thoughts, I assure you I don’t want just anyone’s head. I want to punish the right people.” Kisumi’s anger didn’t vanish in the slightest. “After such an insolence, though, I’d hope I said the truth if I were you.”

Kisumi didn’t reply. His gaze was fixed on Sousuke, but he seemed more curious than angry. Rin breathed out a quick farewell, almost collapsing on the wall when he was out of the merchants’ sight. Gods, how he hated feeling that weak.

He didn’t allow Sousuke to help him walk back to his bedroom, though; he didn’t want to give people the impression he was that sick, but when he reached his bed his face was almost green. He was starting to understand Haruka’s frustration when he had been the one to be taken care of.

Rin curled up on the mattress even before Sousuke walked out his bedroom. It had been three weeks since Haruka had left, and the Sultan couldn’t deny he missed him; and the old fear of his friend never coming back was there, eating him away with each passing day.

On those days Rin found it harder to believe that Haruka’s promise hadn’t been just a dream.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

 

 

 

Since he had come back, Haruka couldn’t focus.

Neither could Rin, apparently. Haruka saw how the Sultan’s cheeks reddened whenever their eyes met, how he trailed off and cleared his throat and admitted he hadn’t been paying attention since Haruka’s lips had started moving. And Haruka couldn’t get angry, not when every part of him itched to kiss the Sultan again.

It had been five hours since he had come back and he was still wondering what had possessed him before. All he knew was he hated seeing Rin so unsure, that he now understood when the Sultan had been poisoned he hadn’t begged for him to stay out of fear of dying alone. It was both exciting and terrifying, and as disconcerting as the fact that Rin had _kissed him back_.

The Sultan snapped his finger a few centimetres from Haruka’s face, making him come back to the present (sunset, sitting next to Rin on a divan in one of the many living rooms the palace had) with a wince.

“Haru! Are you listening to me?”

The correct answer was _no_ , but Haruka tried to think anyway. What were they talking about?

Rin sighed.

“Alright, today isn’t our day,” he said, almost to himself. “I said we should wait at least two days before presenting the evidences to the judge; at this point it’s probably obvious, but I’m trying not to give you away.” Haruka nodded. He didn’t really mind, as long as it was the right thing to do; as much as Kisumi had annoyed him, it would be unfair for him to pay for poisoning the Sultan when he was innocent.

Haruka had spent the last month traveling between different cities with a phial of poisoned wine, looking for chemists and naturalists to help him find out where the substances mixed with the drink came from. Out of the four isolated compounds, only one came from a plant that grew on the south of the country, where the accused merchants traded; what Haruka had found funnier, though, was the fact that, according to a botanist that had dated Makoto’s mother a long time ago, the wine had a poison whose origin was an endemic herb from the mountains at the east.

“What about Napis?” he asked. Rin had sent people to look for the doctor before Haruka left.

Rin looked down.

“Nobody has seen him since he left the palace,” he admitted. He bit his lip. “It’s like he vanished; and he has no family in the city, so it’s nearly impossible to find him.” Haruka tugged at a loose thread from his scarf. “But there are guards watching over your family, so–”

“You have people spying on them?” Haruka cut him off. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the Sultan’s attempts to help; but he could only begin to imagine how paranoid Makoto would get if he noticed strangers following him and he didn’t know the reason.

“Better my guards than Napis’ friends, if he really has them, don’t you think?” Haruka admitted Rin had a point there. “You could tell them so they don’t freak out,” the Sultan suggested.

For the first time, what painted Haruka’s cheeks pink wasn’t the memory of kissing Rin.

He didn’t want the Tachibanas to know he had been so stupid that now they needed protection. Not only because it would scare them (and the worst part was they _had_ a reason to be afraid), but also because Haruka wouldn’t be able to stand their disappointed expressions. They had given him a home when he lost his, treated him like he was one of them. And in return he was only putting them in danger.

He flinched when Rin’s hand landed on his. For a second he almost pulled back, but finally he kept still; the Sultan’s fingers closed around his hand cautiously, as if he weren’t completely sure Haruka had just wordlessly allowed him to.

“They’ll be fine,” Rin assured.

Haruka nodded, turning his hand between Rin’s fingers to return the grip. It wasn’t foreign for him, not since Rin had been ill and had needed something to hold on so many times. But it felt different.

Or maybe it was just him.

“Doesn’t this go against some protocol rule?”

Rin laughed. It started as an amused smile, then the sound bubbled up from his lips as he threw his head back, loud and brilliant as it filled every corner of the room.

It had been a while since Haruka had last heard him laugh that way; and despite how tired he looked, despite all the weight he had lost since he had been poisoned, in that moment the Sultan looked more alive than before the dinner with the Shiginos. Haruka found a smile tugging at his own lips.

“ _You_ go against every protocol rule,” the Sultan finally replied, tears in the corners of his eyes, “so you don’t need to start worrying about it now.”

“Good.”

Haruka let his eyes close when Rin’s free hand brushed his cheek. He didn’t mean to –he didn’t want to miss _anything_ –, but at the same time he had the feeling it would be overwhelming enough without adding his sight to the moment.

Believing everything would be alright was way easier when Rin kissed him.

But kisses were only kisses, and there was little they could do to keep everything Haruka loved safe.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Insert obligatory reference to the second chapter of this fic here]


	26. Chapter 26

 

 

 

The trial was a scandal.

After the merchants were considered innocent and offered a personal apology by the Sultan himself, the judge needed to be escorted out of the courtroom. Many noblemen were outraged that the verdict implied that the traitor was one of them; Rin had to attend several meetings to assure them the evidences hadn’t been manipulated and the merchants had no reason to kill him, since he agreed their demands were logical.

“What do you think they’ll try to do now?” Mrs. Alinwa snapped, her blonde curls swinging at her sides. “You might be the Sultan, but you are still a child.” She brushed her locks off her face. “You are too naïve, too merciful, and that’s the reason the Gods almost took you.”

“But they didn’t,” Rin replied, furious for the first time that long morning. The whispers amongst the other noblemen stopped as they sensed the Sultan’s anger. “I was given another chance, and I’ll use it to purge this palace of traitors.” He straightened himself. “Why does it bother you? If your consciences are clean, you have nothing to fear, like the Shiginos have proven.”

“Being accused of such an evil act... it’s an offence, Highness,” Mr. Idra chipped in. “I think I talk on my fellow noblemen and noblewomen’s behalf when I say none of us would dare harm you.”

“It appears some of you have,” Rin snapped. He was done being kind. “How did the poisons get into the palace, then?”

“It was probably the traitor Napis; don’t forget he’s familiar with those substances. Besides, why else would he leave the same night you were poisoned?”

“There have been more incidents, and Napis is only a man,” old Dame Ágata huffed. She was a woman-shaped raisin, who had been Rin’s grandfather’s main counsellor. “Back in my days the Sultan would have executed all of us.”

Rin chose to ignore the replies to her comment. He had achieved what he wanted: making sure they knew he wouldn’t let any traitor get away. And a polite request was on its way to the Shiginos; the Sultan hoped they cooperated, even though he had no right to blame them if they refused and had contacted more people just in case.

He saw Sousuke walking out the natatorium when he was about to get in; his friend was too angry to even acknowledge Rin’s presence. Having a very approximate idea of who he would find in the pool, the Sultan sighed as he walked into the white room.

Just like he had expected, Haruka was swimming in the pool. Rin frowned when he noticed how different to his usual self he looked. Haruka usually was one with the water, merging with the fluid and gliding through it; now, however, it was like he was slapping and kicking at the surface, trying not to drown more than to swim.

“Haru.”

Rin groaned when he was ignored, already taking his clothes off. He dove into the pool and hugged Haruka’s waist when he passed by his side, effectively stopping him.

“I was swimming,” he muttered through his teeth, gaze fixed on the water.

“And ignoring me. Which would have gotten you into trouble in my grandfather’s time.” Rin let go of Haruka when he felt hands pushing his arms, though pruned fingers kept grabbing the Sultan’s elbows. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Rin let out a tired sigh. “The last time you said that you were being blackmailed by the palace’s doctor, so excuse me for not believing it.”

“It’s nothing,” Haruka insisted, briefly glancing at him. “Yamazaki is just a pain.”

Rin laughed. “Well, luckily for you, the feeling is mutual. What did he tell you? I saw him when he walked out,” he clarified when Haruka frowned.  
Rin wondered if referring to Haruka as lover was right when he shrugged.

“Nothing important,” he vaguely replied, lips landing on Rin’s. 

Throughout the last days they had kissed enough for Rin to get used to it, yet it never failed to turn his stomach upside down for a second. The Sultan lost himself to Haruka’s hands sneaking around his waist, returning the embrace as their legs intertwined, shaky sighs and small sounds amplified by the echo in the room, yet lost in the water sloshing about.

“Mmgh,” the Sultan tried. “Haru,” he called again, “you know my sister uses this pool too, right?”

Haruka tilted his head. “And?”

Rin gently disentangled his limbs from Haruka, shivering when water caressed his skin again.

“I really don’t want the whole palace to gossip about us,” he explained.

Haruka huffed.

“Aren’t you the Sultan?”

“That doesn’t mean I can control what people talks about... And my bed is comfortable too,” Rin replied, already guiding Haruka to the poolside. He stopped when Haruka offered some resistance, suddenly realising what he had just said. “I– I mean, not like–” Throughout the last days he had noticed how Haruka stiffened at the mere insinuation of taking kisses and innocent touches a step further, how he flinched sometimes when he wasn’t expecting some of Rin’s moves. “If you–”

Despite the cool water, Rin could feel his face heating up as he struggled to word his thoughts. Even Haruka’s warm arms felt cold when they snuck around his shoulders, chest pressing against the Sultan’s back as lips brushed his ear.

“I got it the first time.”

Rin resisted the sudden urge to bite into Haruka’s forearm.

“So?” He carefully reached behind him, hands finding Haruka’s hips. Rin turned his head slightly, finding Haruka’s face centimetres away from his own. He was looking forward, though.

“Alright,” he eventually replied.

Rin smiled.

“Then get off me. I’m _not_ carrying you to my bedroom.”

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please notice the rating has changed.

 

 

 

Haruka had never thought of himself as _greedy_.

He was a rather generous person, and he had never minded being left with the smallest portion as long as the rest went to someone who deserved it. Gods, he was the one who had been scolded for starving himself when Ran fell ill, who had considered leaving the city to protect the people who were his family as much as his parents had been.

But there was no selflessness when it came to Rin.

Not even the recurring, intrusive memory of Napis stopped him. It was sickening the way it slipped between his lips and Rin’s, how at times Haruka found himself shying away from hands that suddenly felt too cold to belong to the Sultan; but he pushed through the mist until he could look into Rin’s eyes, and it was usually enough. Rin himself would give him a short break if he noticed Haruka was having trouble keeping his distress at bay, even though he didn’t know the whole reason behind it.

Until he asked, and Haruka knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid answering.

“It’s stupid,” he mumbled, leaning back on a pile of pillows as Rin straddled his legs, the only part of his body that wasn’t naked yet. “I should just forget about it, but I keep remembering.”

Rin didn’t move. “What is it?”

Haruka pursed his lips together. He noticed Rin’s hand was leaning on his right hip; he carefully took it in his and played with the Sultan’s fingers.

“I like this,” he started, focusing on the slightly lighter bands of skin where Rin’s fingers were usually covered in rings. “I like kissing and touching you, and also when you kiss and touch me.”

Rin made a strangled sound. It was enough for Haruka to know he was blushing.

“You say those things with such a straight face…” Haruka looked up, confirming that yes, Rin’s cheeks were beet red.

“It’s true.”

Rin exhaled slowly through his nose, the flush slowly fading from his face.

“I’m flattered,” he replied. “But then what’s–”

“When I woke up after the attack,” Haruka interrupted, grip tightening around Rin’s hand; he wanted to say it before he started thinking it had been a bad idea, “Napis was there.” Rin’s expression darkened. “He said… Well, what you already know.” Haruka averted Rin’s eyes. “He also said you’d eventually make me your concubine and illustrated his point.”

He didn’t move when Rin inhaled sharply.

“ _What_? That jerk…” The Sultan’s hand squeezed Haruka’s in return. “Did he–?”

“No.” _That’s why this is stupid_ , Haruka wanted to scream. The only thing Napis had achieved that day, as well as the followings, was getting on Haruka’s nerves by trailing his fingers across his skin when Haruka was unable to fight back. He hated feeling so shaken up over absolutely _nothing_. “I just couldn’t stand it.”

Slowly, Rin grabbed Haruka’s other hand, turned it until his palm was upwards and kissed it.

“I’m sorry you went through that,” he muttered. “If you need me to–”

“I don’t,” Haruka cut him off.

“Huh?”

“I don’t need you to stop, or do anything,” he clarified, raising his head. Rin cocked an eyebrow. “Just… You don’t want me to be your–”

Rin quickly shook his head.

“I want to be with you,” he whispered, “not to _use_ you for anything.” Haruka knew they both were thinking about that disastrous evening in the garden, when everything had been misunderstood. This time, though, he didn’t feel the sharp edges of dejection scrapping his heart. “But seriously, Though Man, I don’t mind–”

Huffing in exasperation, Haruka freed his hands from Rin’s grip and pushed him until the Sultan sank into the mattress, tearing a surprised giggle off him as he hovered over him.

“I said I don’t need it,” he whispered, leaning down to resume kissing Rin.

“And I said,” the Sultan breathed out when he broke the kiss, “that you can have it. And you don’t even have to _ask_ so your pride doesn’t suffer.”

“My pride is fine,” Haruka replied.

Rin snorted. “Sure.” He looked away. “By the way, um… Just so you know, I have about as much idea about this as you.”

“Hey, don’t just assume I’ve never–”

“Haru,” Rin sought Haruka’s eyes again, tone serious, “yesterday you bit my  _ear_  because ‘you might like it’.”

Now it was Haruka’s turn to blush. “Well, you might have,” he defended himself. “ _I_  like it.”

Rin burst out laughing. It took him some minutes to stop.

“I’ll take it into account.” And he was so beautiful, with his pink cheeks and his relaxed smile and eyes that had more black than red, and Haruka’s breath caught in his throat when the Sultan pulled him down again and he felt sharp teeth scrapping over his shoulder.

“But we aren’t in a hurry, are we?”

Yes, they were. As soon as the conversation was over and Rin playfully tugged at his pants, Haruka had nothing to distract him from the greed he hadn’t know he possessed until he started suspecting he would be able to take whatever he wanted from Rin.

And he wanted _everything_. Maybe not in that moment, not that lazy afternoon; but he wanted Rin’s everything as much as he was willing to give the Sultan his own. It was within his, Rin’s– it was only within _their_ reach; yet Haruka thought, as he slipped a hand under Rin’s robe, fingertips brushing tense muscles on their way up his thighs, as he practically growled into Rin’s lips and guided his hand between his own legs, that he wouldn’t mind not getting their everything if _this_ was the result of their attempts.

 

 

The world was brighter than Haruka remembered when Rin drew the canopy back, letting the midday sun caress the bed. He grunted and closed his eyes, heartbeat still thumping in his eardrums even though his breathing had long since come back to a normal rhythm.

“You’re _really_ sleepy,” Rin commented, crawling back to his side. The fact that they had made a mess of the sheets didn’t seem to worry him. It was time to change the bedding anyway. Haruka nuzzled into Rin’s chest with a noncommittal hum. “At least try a verbal response.”

“I would sleep for a hundred years,” Haruka slurred. Rin kissed his hair. “Shouldn’t I be eavesdropping something?”

As much as he had been enjoying the last days, he was still Rin’s unofficial spy.

“Not right now,” Rin answered, though. “I’m still waiting for the Shiginos’ answer to my request.” He fell silent for some minutes. “That’s a really ugly scar you have there,” he said suddenly.

Haruka supposed he was staring at the reminder of the stab-wound that had almost killed him.

“It’s either being ugly of being dead,” he replied, “so I like how it looks.”

“I guess that’s true.” Haruka flinched when Rin traced the scar with a finger. The Sultan quickly drew his hand back. “Sorry. Does it hurt?”

Haruka shook his head. “It tickles.”

He sighed, content, when Rin wrapped his arms around him. In that moment, everything was in its place: Rin right by his side, their breathing almost synchronised, the otherwise silent room flooded with the pleasant smell of myrtles.

Haruka noticed the disturbance first. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, snuggling up closer to Rin, but not even the Sultan’s scent could distract him.

“Rin.”

“What?”

“It smells of smoke.”

He heard Rin sniff. “It does.” The Sultan let go of Haruka and crawled off the bed, grabbing a folded towel from a chair on his way to tie it around his waist. Scowling, Haruka sat up and watched as Rin walked towards the balcony, more interested in the way his muscles tensed as he stretched than in whatever was burning out there. “Uh.”

“What is it?”

“There is a fire,” Rin explained, voice oddly thick. “I think– Haru, come here.”

Haruka was planning to do so since he had noticed how the Sultan stiffened. He jumped off the bed and approached the balcony in three long strides.

All his sleepiness vanished when he saw where the fire was.

“That district…” Rin started, noticeably uneasy. “Your house is there, right?”

Haruka didn’t hear him. He couldn’t hear anything; it was as if only two of his senses were working. Sight, to let him know that the Tachibanas’ home, as well as the neighbours’ ones, was hidden behind an abnormally dense smoke. And smell, to show him–

“ _No_.”

As if a single word could undo the terrifying reality unfolding before his eyes.

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

 

 

 

When Haruka rushed out of Rin’s bedroom, all the Sultan could think was that he had forgotten his scarf. He folded it carefully, feeling cold despite the sunlight coming from the balcony and biting into his still bare skin.

He wanted to think Haruka had overreacted. Wanted to think there was nothing to worry about, that the fire had been originated in an adjacent house, not the Tachibanas’. Wanted to think it had been an accident.

But deep down he knew it hadn’t, and that eerie certainty was enough to snap him out of his numbness.

Rin slapped himself twice. He wouldn’t just stay there; he had to know what had happened exactly, had to find out whether his men had caught the culprits, wanted to make sure nobody had been hurt, needed to be with Haruka if–

After getting dressed, the Sultan called Ryuugazaki to accompany him to have a walk outside the palace, ignoring the guard’s protests when he set off towards where the column of dark smoke hovering over the city had its origin.

“Highness, it’s dangerous. Besides, breathing smoke is detrimental for the lungs.”

“I know,” Rin hissed through gritted teeth. “I just want to know what happened.” He still had Haruka’s scarf in his arms.

“It looks too bad to be an accident,” Ryuugazaki muttered.

The street where Haruka’s home stood was filled with people, both guards and civilians, trying to help, to stop the flames from reaching their own houses and to get away from the smoke. Rin hid his nose behind the scarf, but that didn’t help his throat not to get irritated as buckets of water were thrown to the building where the fire had originated. Something cold squeezed Rin’s heart when he realised it was really the Tachibanas’ house; Haruka had taken him there a few times before he became Sultan.

Rin walked up to Ante, the man he had put on charge of watching over the Tachibanas, the moment he spotted the soldier. He could hear Ryuugazaki complaining as he made his way to follow him, but he didn’t care. Nobody had realised the Sultan himself was there; Rin hadn’t cared about jewels in his rush and they were too busy trying to get rid of the flames.

“I demand an explanation for this,” he hissed.

Ante bowed before him. His clothes were dirty, soot smudging his face.

“Highness, I apologise for our mistake. I think it happened during the change of shifts. Ligia thought she had seen someone breaking into the house through a window in the morning, but she said it was probably one of the twins... Those kids are always sneaking in and out. But it was a man, and he got out a while ago, and she’s been on charge of chasing him while I helped those people out of the house. There is no doubt this wasn’t an accident; the fire started in different rooms.”

Rin sighed. “Are all of them outside?”

“Yes, Highness.”

The way Ante looked aside caught Rin’s attention.

“Are they alright?”

The soldier swallowed audibly. “They are all alive.”

“That’s not what I asked.”

“H–– He was locked up in one of the bedrooms,” Ante started, voice trembling. “It took me a bit to realise where he was, and I couldn’t open the door, so I had to borrow a ladder to take him out through the window... He has serious burns.”

Rin covered his mouth with his hand, horrified.

“Where are they now?” Rin didn’t want to ask who ‘he’ was. He was scared of the answer.

After bowing down again, Ante guided Rin and Ryuugazaki to a house not too far away, at the end of a narrow street. The Sultan didn’t have the strength to complain when the soldier apologised for having him walk inside such a modest place; he silently walked up the stairs behind Ante and took a deep breath before walking through an open door.

Nobody paid attention to the Sultan when he walked into a rather large room; he recognised a doctor leaning on a table and bit his lip as he forced himself to look at the other people in there. His gaze fixed for a second on a couple in their forties’ standing next to the table, saw Makoto crouching down and quietly talking to a little girl. Spotted Haruka, huddled up on the furthest corner, as if he wanted to blend into the wall, eyes darting around the room in an attempt to escape that horror as he whispered something too quietly for Rin to hear.

Rin looked at the person on the table when the doctor straightened himself, and wanted to throw up.

He couldn’t recognise the boy he had met long ago, the kid that, unlike his sister, had hidden from him behind Haruka because he was afraid of Rin’s sharp teeth. The left side of his head had been burnt; there wasn’t a single hair left, and his features had been eaten by the flames. Rin couldn’t even see his left eye among the bloody pulp that had been left of his skin.

It was a miracle that Ren Tachibana was still breathing; yet feeble whimpers came out between swollen lips, his small hand clutching his mother’s in fear and pain.

The Sultan had to lean on the wall for support, a hand covering the silent scream coming out his mouth, the other holding the blue and yellow scarf against his chest; it was as he tore his gaze off the horrifying sight when he made out the words Haruka kept repeating over and over again:

“... My fault...”

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

 

 

 

The part of Haruka that could still process rational thought wondered if the news had already spread around the palace. Servants and nobles usually didn’t pay him much attention, but as he dragged his feet towards his room they seemed to actively walk out of his way, eyes fixed on his hunched form; not even Sousuke greeted him with his usual glare. Haruka didn’t pay him enough attention to discern whether there was pity in his eyes. He couldn’t.

The part of Haruka that focused on walking, on keeping moving, wondered what he would do afterwards. It was a difficult question, because he couldn’t think of any _after_. It was as if his life had stopped upon seeing what was left of Ren.

The part of Haruka that still resisted the despair suffocating him wondered where Rin had gone after leaving the room where a doctor tried to help the child.

He didn’t mind.

Upon walking into his room, he sat down on the bed. Fixed his gaze on the bedside table. Stood up, closed the window– but he might as well saved his strength, because his clothes smelt of smoke too and his whole being felt too heavy to take them off. He leant his back on the wall, slipping down until he was sitting on the floor. He frowned at his trembling legs.

 _They’d be useless if I had to kick something_ , he thought, annoyed.

It was that part of him, again; the one that hadn’t succumbed yet. The other was going crazy somewhere in the back of his head, punching and screaming its way out, and Haruka wanted to build yet another wall between the two. He didn’t want to lose his mind.

 _But only dead people have no feelings_.

His mother had said it many years ago, when Haruka’s sand cat had died during the night. What would she say now? What would she think, knowing her only son had–

 _It doesn’t matter. She’s dead_.

Not even that thought stirred any kind of feeling within Haruka. Did that mean he was dead, too?

He couldn’t tell. The more he tried not to give in to the agony, the emptier he felt. It was as if those two parts were fighting, hurting each other; and breathing became harder as Haruka’s tortured mind broke in not two, but thousands of tiny sharp pieces.

Haruka barely reacted when the door opened, aside of hugging his knees. He heard the sharp intake of air, the cautious steps; he saw those golden sandals stop just before him, and then a familiar face lowered until Rin was looking straight into Haruka’s eyes.

“So it’s true,” he muttered. It felt strangely loud in the artificial silence Haruka’s selective hearing had created. “Before Sousuke told me I thought–” He sat in front of Haruka. “I supposed you’d stay with them.”

_Why would I?_

“Why are you here, then?”

Haruka wasn’t as successful at pretending he hadn’t heard Rin as he would have wanted.

“How is Ren?”

Haruka just blinked. He couldn’t do anything about those questions; he wouldn’t mix the two parts together, no matter how badly the wall broke him.

“Where are they going to stay now? If you need it, I can–”

“In my parents’ old house,” Haruka replied.

Those wounds were healed enough for him to touch them; it was still painful, it would always be, but he could deal with it. In the end, they had died from an illness, not because–

“I see.”

Haruka closed his eyes. The fierce battle within him wasn’t as loud with Rin there. Maybe he would even be able to sleep. He liked the idea; unconscious, he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain both the wall and the lack of it brought to his heart.

“Haru.” Rin placed a hand on his left knee. “Please, say something. Anything.”

“Something, anything,” Haruka mechanically parroted. Opening his eyes the tiniest bit to see what he was doing, he smacked Rin’s hand away, not necessarily angry, just wanting to stop all kind of physical contact. Why had he even thought Rin would make it easier? He never shut up.

Several moments passed before Rin sighed. “Look, I know what you’re thinking.”

“Do you?”

“It’ll be alright. He’ll heal, I promise.”

Haruka’s hands closed into fists. Not because he was furious at Rin, but because the wall between the two parts was getting thinner with each word coming from Rin’s lips.

“You don’t know.”

The Sultan bit his lower lip.

“You’re right, but the person who did it has been arrested and won’t see the sunlight for a while.”

Something within Haruka stirred at Rin’s words. He inhaled sharply, noticing a crack in the wall a second too late.

“It was him.” It wasn’t a question. Haruka forced his lips to form that name, his insides twisting as the wall kept weakening. “Napis.”

His voice broke too.

“His name came up, yes,” Rin whispered. He frowned. “Are you–”

“He can’t see,” Haruka blurted out, finally allowing the two halves to meet, surrendering to the storm within his mind. Agony was the least he deserved. “He lost an eye, and the other is damaged–” The memory was enough to shake him whole, and only when he could resume breathing he recognised a sob. “He won’t be able to see anymore–”

Haruka didn’t realise he was crying when Rin pulled him into a hug. His dazed mind could only register the warmth of the arms draping around him, the soothing noises tangling into his sooty hair. He only noticed the wetness under his face where he kept it buried in Rin’s shoulder a few minutes later, and it took him even longer to acknowledge the words that kept slipping between his own lips as the Sultan’s hands rubbed calming circles on his back.

“It’s all my fault– Ren is in so much pain, and Makoto and Ran have burns too…” _They hate me._ “He can barely speak–” _If I had left when I could–_ “I d–– I did that to them, I can’t go back…” _Please, let me stay here_. “I should have known…”

Haruka didn’t feel any better when he stopped crying. He was shaking as if he had a fever, clinging to Rin, heart hurting in shame and fear; he needed him to understand, to not be disappointed like the Tachibanas had upon hearing his confession. He needed to know Rin wouldn’t hate him too.

Yet he didn’t move when Rin left him alone in the room, despite the panic by the idea of the Sultan not coming back brought; he kept still when Rin came back and walked around carrying different things near the bed. Miraculously he understood and managed to numbly nod at Rin’s request, cooperated how little he could to walk and sit on the mattress, helped in taking his clothes off– shivered when the Sultan scrubbed off the soot dirtying his skin with a rather rough sponge.

Rin held Haruka’s hand throughout the whole process, occasionally bringing it up to his lips to kiss his knuckles. There was no other intention in the Sultan’s movements than cleaning Haruka up, and Haruka almost laughed –an hysterical laughter– when it hit him how he had been at Rin’s mercy like that merely hours ago, and how different the situation was now.

How could one’s world crumble down so quickly?

Apart from the faint hum gently dancing in the room, Rin worked in silence, speaking only after Haruka was wearing clean clothes and his skin stopped smelling of smoke.

Haruka frowned when the Sultan gathered the towels, the sponge and the bowl with dirty, lukewarm water near the door.

“Why did you do that?”

Rin flinched, as if he were the one whose voice sounded raspy; then turned towards him.

“Because I am the Sultan and I can.” He walked to the bed and sat next to Haruka, peeking into his eyes. “Do you feel better?”

Haruka pondered about it. He was still tired, his head still hurt and his heart felt like it had been sliced open; but the smell of smoke was gone and he wanted to think his mind was clearer.

“Yes.” He looked at his hands, loosely curled up on his lap. “It wasn’t Napis who was caught, was it?”

Rin sighed, then kissed Haruka’s forehead.

“Have some rest,” he advised. “We’ll have plenty of time to talk tomorrow.”

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

 

 

 

Rin didn’t had a proper conversation with Haruka until the afternoon.

A good night’s sleep hadn’t been enough to erase the guilt eating his lover away; Rin hadn’t expected anything else, but it still hurt when Haruka cringed at the mere mention of checking on Ren.

“They don’t want me there,” he mumbled. He had gathered the energy to walk to the natatorium, but he didn’t want to swim; instead he sat on the poolside and dipped his feet into the water.

From what Rin could understand –not much, really; Haruka had never been an open book–, he had left the Tachibanas after talking about the dangers threatening them since before Makoto came back. Rin wondered if the guilt weighing his lover down wasn’t actually fear of facing Ren after what he had gone through.

It was both, he supposed.

He couldn’t spend the day with Haruka, though; at this point there were few people in the palace he actually trusted, and he wanted to witness with his own eyes how the man who had set the Tachibanas’ home on fire was interrogated.

It wasn’t the most pleasant task Rin had ever done, even though the prisoner was cooperating –he feared the pain of torture, the Sultan realised, as well as death penalty–; but he knew more than expected. He had confessed burning the building down had been an order given by Napis the afternoon prior, but the fear made him keep letting out unnecessary facts– which helped Rin’s interests.

The Sultan was in a good mood when they were finished; he now had enough information to know, at _last_ , who he had to remove from the Council. Nobles, wealthy merchants– it was sickening how they had been benefiting from people from two different countries killing each other for the last three years.

Now he was only waiting for the Shiginos’ answer, but he only needed it to have further proof when he ordered the three arrests.

After walking back to his room, he told Ryuugazaki to accompany Haruka to his chambers; Rin didn’t want to risk anything when he was so close to end it all. Meanwhile he informed Sousuke, who told him to arrest the traitors already.

“What are you waiting for? They won’t let you live this time if they find out,” his friend hissed.

“I want to gather as much evidence as I can,” Rin replied. “Tomorrow,” he added. “If the Shiginos haven’t answered by tomorrow I’ll do it.”

“And you’ll have the time to focus on what really matters,” Sousuke added. “Marriage.”

Rin cringed. “I don’t want to focus on that.”

“Well, too bad your mother has some ideas.” Sousuke raised an eyebrow at his friend’s horrified expression. “Why so surprised?”

The Sultan looked down, took almost a whole minute to steel himself before explaining the problem to his friend.

“I don’t want to marry a woman.”

“I know.” When Rin looked up again he found a smile on Sousuke’s lips. “You’ve never been interested in them. But it means nothing; it’s just a name. You’ll be able to do with you want anyway. Unlike in those southern countries, we don’t forbid having as many lovers as one can afford.”

 _And you can afford everything_.

Rin heard the unsaid words, but before he could reply the door opened.

Sousuke was walking out the bedroom even before Haruka properly got in. It took him some seconds before closing the door and dragging his feet to the divan Rin was sitting on; he plopped down next to the Sultan, looking exhausted.

“What happened?”

Rin took his hand carefully.

“Many people have their name already written in the dungeons,” he started. “The scoundrel that set your house on fire said many interesting things, and now I know exactly who I have to arrest. Afterwards I’ll send diplomats to start negotiations in the south and end the war… Let’s see Napis’ influence when all his friends are arrested.”

Haruka didn’t look happy, though; he just let out a sigh.

“I’m tired of this.” He stared up at Rin; the Sultan felt something cold squeezing his heart when he took in the dark rings under his eyes.

“It’ll be over soon,” Rin promised. “Will you go back with your family then?”

Haruka tensed up. For a second the Sultan was afraid his lover would cry again; but Haruka only exhaled shakily, lips trembling.

“They don’t want me there.”

Rin raised Haruka’s hand, kissed his knuckles. “I don’t think that’s true. You didn’t burn that house down.”

“It’s still my fault. And Ren–” Haruka squeezed Rin’s fingers. “I don’t have the right to be there.”

Rin bit his tongue as he pulled Haruka close. He supposed it was still too soon, that his lover hadn’t even fully come to terms with what had happened yet. The Sultan wished he could stop the guilt gnawing at him, though. It wasn’t completely irrational, but at this rate it would consume all of Haruka in a few days.

“Don’t overthink it.” Rin’s hands slid across Haruka’s back, up and down. “You did nothing; stop blaming yourself.”

Haruka’s free hand, which was clutching Rin’s clothes, tensed up.

“Stop worrying about me. I’m alright.”

Rin bit the inside of his cheeks, knowing he was making a reckless decision before even speaking:

“Then prove it and go with your family.”

There was a tense silence in which Haruka drew back, letting go of the Sultan’s hand. Even his blue glare was subdued by exhaustion and guilt.

“Don’t do that,” he snapped; his voice sounded oddly sharp.

“Do what?”

Haruka gritted his teeth together. “You don’t understand; I can’t just show up there and–”

“Aren’t they your family? I bet they want you there, too.”

Rin half-expected Haruka to raise his voice, but he just stood up and walked out the bedroom, not even bothering to say goodbye before he slammed the door shut.

He took it as the way the world had to tell him he was right.

 

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

 

 

 

The Nanase household, a modest building at the end of the street, had gotten covered in dust over the last decade.

It was cleaner now, though, thanks to its new residents. They had all helped make the building habitable again, not only to get rid of all the little animals that had made the house their home, but also to prevent the youngest of them from falling ill. Until new skin grew over the raw flesh, he would be more than vulnerable to them.

Haruka didn’t even attempt to get close to his old house. In fact, he didn’t even dare go beyond the steaming ruins that were all that remained from the Tachibanas’ home.

He wouldn’t put them in danger again. He had made them lose enough already; he knew the man under Napis’ orders hadn’t meant for Ren to get out alive, even though Rin was reluctant to tell him the details. He was scared they considered his chastisement hadn’t been enough.

Maybe he was also scared of the Tachibanas’ accusing look. Maybe he was choosing leaving over being kicked out.

At that thought, one he wasn’t entirely comfortable with, Haruka turned around; it felt strange, going there to visit and not talking to any of the Tachibanas, but he knew it was the best choice. He started walking to the palace again, mildly anxious by the idea of seeing Makoto or his parents on his way.

He hadn’t been prepared to find Kisumi, though. The young merchant saw him from the other end of the street and ran towards him, smiling brighter than Haruka had seen him do since Rin was poisoned.

“Haru!” He snuck an arm around Haruka’s shoulder, as if they were lifelong friends. “How have you been?”

Haruka understood he was talking about the fire a second too late. He should have expected it; Kisumi’s family knew Makoto, and the news had probably spread quickly.

“Fine.” He smacked Kisumi’s hand away. “What do you want?”

“You’re so cold.” Kisumi pouted. “I was going to talk to the Sultan; you probably know already, but he is interested in our testimony because apparently half the palace is corrupt– _Ow_! What was that for?”

Haruka had just dug his heel into Kisumi’s foot.

“You can’t discuss that kind of things where anyone can hear.”

Despite Kisumi’s obliviousness, Haruka didn’t dislike walking to the palace with him as much as he had anticipated. Maybe it was because as he talked he made thinking about the guilt weighting him down harder. Haruka supposed the wounds he had gotten during his torture to confess he had poisoned Rin had mostly healed by now, and he felt surprisingly glad for it.

Haruka accompanied Kisumi to the Throne Hall, but unlike him he stood by the entrance. He saw the young merchant advance towards the throne where Rin was comfortably sitting and talking to Sousuke, but paid more attention to the Sultan.

Rin’s excitement was obvious in his eyes when he recognised Kisumi, but he managed to keep his expression neutral as the merchant stopped in the middle of the room, making the noblemen whispering among each other stop talking, and bowed.

“Rise,” Rin commanded.

The murmurs started again when the closest noblemen recognised one of the people who had turned the Sultan against them. Haruka had no idea what they were saying, but he could tell they were furious; they probably took Kisumi’s presence there as nothing short of an offence.

It didn’t make him feel the tiniest bit better.

“Highness,” Kisumi started. “My uncles and I read your gentle request a few days ago; I apologise it took us this long to decide.” He was used to talk to powerful people, Haruka noticed.

“How you dare!” Haruka recognised Mr. Idra’s voice; he was always complaining about everything. “What kind of business would have someone like you–”

Rin stood up, fixed a glare on the nobleman. The Sultan didn’t utter a word, but his gaze alone was enough to make him shut up.

“I’d like to ask you to not interfere,” Rin almost whispered, voice soft and dangerous, more frightening than if he had raised his tone. He looked at Kisumi again. “Do not fret about it. I am well aware it isn’t an easy choice.” Rin brushed a red strand off his face, straightening up. “I just want to know your answer.”

Kisumi nodded. “We agree to declare what we know, Highness.”

“Declare?” Old Dame Ágata raised a white eyebrow, changing her wrinkles’ whole layout. “You were accused of poisoning his Highness, boy.”

“Leave him, Dame,” Rin said, in a way softer tone than he’d used to address Mr. Idra. “They aren’t guilty, so their word is as valuable as anyone’s.” Dame Ágata frowned, not entirely convinced, as Kisumi stepped aside, trying to merge into the crowd of guards, merchants and noblemen. “Now.” Rin looked around, gaze fixing on Haruka for a second longer than necessary. “Mr. Feeta, Mr. Eioth, Mr. Elayo, Mr. Idra, Mr. Hypial, Mrs. Drei and Mrs. Marea, step to the centre of the room.”

Half the Council gasped. Haruka watched as they looked at one another, as if confirming what the Sultan had just said, before obeying and standing before Rin. In that moment, he was sure they already knew what Rin would say.

The obvious uneasiness in their eyes didn’t help Haruka feel better, either.

“You’re accused of taking advantage of the war to illegally import raw materials, therefore benefiting from the suffering of hundreds of people,” Rin stated, loud and clear. “You’re accused of treason and, more importantly, of plotting against me and seeking my death–”

“Lies!” Mr. Feeta cried out. “Who, in the Gods’ name, put those ideas in your mind?”

Rin took a step forward.

“Have I given you permission to interrupt me?”

He had hardly raised his voice, but even from his spot on the other side of the Throne Hall Haruka could tell something within Rin was different from other times. Only his hands closed into fists at his sides betrayed the Sultan’s anger; but there was a whole new coldness seeping out his being. The person looking down at the traitors was a stranger to Haruka; he wasn’t the cheerful, competitive Rin he knew ( _his_ Rin), but Sultan Rin, a ruler who wanted nothing but to punish the people who had spent who knew how many years plotting to control the country through a puppet in the shape of the Sultan.

It was a part of Rin Haruka had caught glimpses of several times, but had never witnessed in all its glory.

“You’ll confess each and every one of your crimes,” Rin added, “and be aware you won’t see the sunlight for a long time. Guards,” he called, “take them out of my sight.”

“I protest!” Mrs. Drei looked around when the palace guards surrounded her and her partners, eyes wide and scared. “Those are empty accusations, you can’t just put us in jail because you say so.”

Rin smiled; and not even Sousuke, who still stood by the throne, could suppress a shudder.

“Actually, I can. But if you want proofs, listen to the Shiginos. Listen to the many merchants from the southern regions that are already coming here to say what your families have been doing these past years. Will their testimony be good enough for you?”

“It was that boy, wasn’t it?” Mr. Eioth’s comment made several heads turn to Haruka, who in turn looked at Rin. “He came to use your water and in the end poisoned your mind, Highness; he’s but a rat, desperate for power and wealth. I’d say he even managed to seduce you so you cou––”

“Watch your tongue,” Rin interrupted him, teeth bared; for the first time he was openly angry, in a way everyone could easily tell. “I won’t tolerate unnecessary accusations.”

Haruka stepped away from the door as the guards took the traitors out; he sighed as he leant his back on the wall, trying to accept that it was over. The people who had almost killed him, who had almost killed Rin, would never bother them again.

But not even that made him feel the tiniest bit better.

It wasn’t relieving, because Napis was still out there, and he had always been the most dangerous one.

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

 

 

 

After walking out the Throne Hall, Rin went to talk to his mother.

She had invited Gou and Dame Ágata too; the Sultan soon realised they were there to exchange the information each of them had about the arrested traitors. However, the second he tried to excuse himself, the women changed the topic of their conversation.

“Now that this madness is over,” his mother started, “we can focus on other important things. You have no excuse to not want to find a wife.”

Dame Ágata and Gou laughed, although the Princess seemed tense.

“Uh, I’m not sure–”

“I know you like to do as you please, but getting married is not the end of the world.”

“Sometimes it is,” Dame Ágata grunted. Rin wondered if she had ever had a spouse. As far as he remembered, the old wrinkled woman had always been by herself. “But ruling a country has its disadvantages.”

“I can’t imagine what my sister in law would be like,” Gou muttered. She didn’t seem to share the other women’s excitement; Rin couldn’t help but be a bit grateful to his sister when she covered his hand with hers.

“I’ve written to the Yazakis’ daughter,” the Sultan’s mother continued. “She should arrive in a few days.”

For a second Rin had the feeling he was falling, even though he was sitting next to Gou.

“You _what_?!” he snapped, trying not to raise his voice to his mother. “I didn’t ask for–”

“You don’t have to marry her, darling,” she replied, taken aback by Rin’s reaction. “But at least you’ll know how these things work– not to mention you might like her when you see each other; I still remember how I fell for your father the second I…” But she stopped herself, and both Rin and Gou looked away when they noticed her eyes were wet. “It’s the sort of thing you never forget.”

Rin swallowed down. His throat felt thinner, not enough air passing through it.

“I don’t know,” he muttered. _I don’t think I’ll ever like anyone half as much as I like Haru_ , he kept to himself. He numbly shook Gou’s hand off. “I have more people to attend today,” he added, forcing confidence into his voice, “if you’ll excuse me…”

He practically ran out of the room, and when he arrived to his bedroom he needed a while to calm himself down before ordering Rei to take Haruka with him.

Before, when Haruka had walked into the Throne Hall, the Sultan had wondered whether he had personally convinced the Shiginos to testify against the traitors; but the moment he saw him up close he understood it had been a coincidence that Haruka and Kisumi had arrived together. While Haruka looked more collected than he had been the day before, he was still far too lost in the shame consuming his insides.

The Sultan was surprised, though, when the first thing Haruka did upon noticing they were alone was kissing him as if he wanted to suck the life out of him.

“Wow,” he huffed, pulling back to take air in. _You should tell him_ , a voice within him chimed in. “I know having half the Council in the dungeons is a good thing, but are you that happy?”

_Coward_.

Rin tried to ignore that voice. It was easy when Haruka kissed him again, pushing him down against the bed.

“I’m not happy,” he whispered against his lips.

Rin could guess the reason.

“Napis won’t do anything. I bet there are more people involved in this, but the most dangerous ones can’t do any more harm.” He snuck his arms around Haruka’s waist. “We’ll catch him.”

Haruka tugged at Rin’s robe, exposing his left shoulder. The Sultan’s breath hitched when his lover traced his clavicle with his fingers. It didn’t tickle, but Haruka’s fingertips was pleasantly cool in the warm room.

“Can we have sex? Like the other day.”

The heat in Rin’s lower abdomen answered for him (his flushed cheeks weren’t an answer as much as a _how on Earth is this guy so shameless?!_ ), but he tried to use his head for a second. As much as he wanted it, there was something off in the way Haruka was acting. Not in his straightforwardness, not even in the hunger drowning the Sultan with each kiss.

Rin managed to grab his lover’s wrists before he disarranged his clothes further, sat up with Haruka straddling his thighs.

“What’s with you?”

Haruka looked away. “Nothing.”

It was an obvious lie; Haruka’s hands closed into fists, and not even Rin’s thumbs brushing them made the muscles relax.

“Where did you go before?”

Haruka shifted, uncomfortable.

“That’s not any of your business.”

The Sultan shook his head.

“Look, I know– Well, I can’t know, but I guess…” He sighed. “Beating yourself up like this isn’t good,” he started. “I know you’re convinced it was your fault, but it’s not. You did everything you could to keep them safe… and to keep me safe too, which I’m very thankful for.” Haruka didn’t move when Rin combed his black hair. “All you did was for helping as many people as you could.”

“And it was useless,” Haruka replied, voice empty. “You almost died and Ren is blind.” He grabbed the hand Rin had rested on his cheek. “Can we have sex now?”

The Sultan frowned.

“No. You don’t even want it,” he added when Haruka opened his mouth to protest, “you just want to forget that you feel guilty.”

Haruka pursed his lips together.

“Even if that were true,” he hissed through his teeth, “it’s my choice.”

Rin swallowed down. Throughout their exchange Haruka had leant closer and closer, and now his black fringe almost brushed the Sultan’s forehead. 

_And you don’t have to tell him. He doesn’t need to know; he only needs a proof that it’s him who you want to be with._

It would be easy, dangerously so, to forget his mother, his future marriage, the Yazakis’ daughter; losing himself in those lips felt too natural. And Haruka had asked; there was no way to mistake his words for anything else, no chance of him drawing back and scolding Rin for jumping to the wrong conclusions.

But it would just hurt Haruka.

“Unfortunately for you, I have something to say in it too,” the Sultan finally replied, ignoring the insistent _but tell him! Tell him now!_ ringing within his head. “You need to go see how your family is doing, not to spend the day hiding here.”

Rin didn’t think he had ever seen Haruka angrier than he was in that moment. Forehead leaning against the Sultan’s, a blue glare piercing his eyes. Somehow Rin was now the one with his hands immobilised, trapped in Haruka’s almost painful grip. He resembled a wild animal, ready to slice Rin’s throat, to cut his wrists with the nails digging red crescents into his skin. Yet his eyes– _oh_ , there was no way to miss the plea for an easy way out of the pain and the guilt looking in those endless oceans.

“I’m not hiding,” Haruka growled, but every sound coming from his mouth screamed _please, please, please_.

Rin took in a deep breath.

“Then why don’t you go with them? You’re worried, you want to help. But wallowing in self-pity is easier, isn’t it?”

For a second Rin was sure Haruka’s self-control had snapped.

Then he understood _something_ had inevitably broken as Haruka drew back, got off him and crawled until they weren’t touching. He said nothing for a painfully long while, fingers tangling and disentangling on his lap as he dealt, always in silence, with whatever was going on in his head.

“If I go, I’ll know for sure I’m not welcome there anymore,” he finally whispered, voice barely there.

Rin didn’t try to reach him.

“But you’ll know.”

Haruka curled up, face hidden between his knees.

“What if I don’t want to know?”

 

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

 

 

 

Despite being pretty clear about not wanting sex, Rin asked Haruka to stay in his bedroom for the night. Haruka wondered if there were things weighting the Sultan down, too; and for a second he felt the childish need to refuse, if only because he had been denied a way to stop thinking.

When he looked into Rin’s eyes, though, any trace of pettiness vanished. After all, he wanted to stay, too.

They didn’t talk much; Rin was tired and Haruka didn’t know what to say. Dinner was brought to the room, but they didn’t eat it all. Haruka didn’t dislike the way the Sultan licked the pear’s juice off his lips, and he definitely didn’t mind getting rid of the breadcrumbs stuck in the corners of Rin’s mouth; despite the unspoken _no more tonight_ between them, keeping their hands off each other was impossible.

At times Haruka flinched, the memory of Napis’ hands on him still too vivid, and he unconsciously recoiled until Rin noticed and let air flow between them; but more often than not his hands trailed down, hoping the Sultan would change his mind, and let out a frustrated grunt when his wrists got trapped in a firm grip and he saw Rin shake his head through the desire clouding his eyes.

Once Rin blew the candles off and climbed to the bed next to him, it was no wonder Haruka wasn’t sleepy at all. He had spent enough time with Rin to know when he dozed off; he turned to see him when the Sultan’s breathing grew slower and deeper, spread out on his stomach but clearly facing Haruka. Red strands covered most of his face and his hand almost brushed Haruka’s hip.

He took it between his, admired its softness once again, so different from Haruka’s calloused palms. The feeling of that hand against his skin was nothing short of enthralling, and for a second he wondered if the Sultan liked his rough touch too.

Haruka closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think, because his thoughts would inevitably lead him to his family, to what Rin had said before.

Was he hiding from the Tachibanas? The logical answer was _no_ ; after everything had happened, after he had finally told them, it was only logical that they didn’t want to see him again. He was just saving them the discomfort of having to tell him, because the last thing he wanted was causing them more trouble. And he hadn’t actually gone visit Ren once since the fire, even though he was deadly worried about him, because…

Because…

Rin’s fingers closed around Haruka’s own as the Sultan let out a sigh. After the initial startle, Haruka reached out to brush red hair off his face, smiling as Rin nuzzled against his hand without waking up.

Maybe he was right. Maybe Haruka was running away.

_Maybe I’m a bit scared_.

It was ridiculously easy how irritation burnt its way through the daze Haruka had been in for the last days. Being scared didn’t mean being a coward, and lately he’d been acting like both.

Steeling himself, Haruka let go of Rin’s hand and crawled out the bed, tucking the Sultan in before gathering his clothes to get dressed.

 

 

Before the fire, Haruka had been in his parents’ house very few times.

He could barely remember the first one; he had been boiling up, sick with the same illness that had taken his parents when Mr. Tachibana wrapped him up in a quilt and asked him to guide him there. He had begged to be left outside, hidden his face in the man’s shoulder when he had refused, not wanting to see the dead bodies of his parents again.

Makoto told him where his father had buried them when Haruka was almost completely recovered, but it took him weeks to gather the strength to pay them a visit and even longer to dare walk the hallways he had lived a life that wouldn’t come back, a life he tried so hard to forget.

Afterwards he had been there at times, not really fond of the way his stomach tightened whenever he noticed how silent the building was, the absence of his father’s steps and his mother’s humming as she cooked. For some reason he had never managed to get rid of the little details.

Now, he was a bit grateful of something he had loathed years ago: he wouldn’t be able to sell his house, or do with it as he pleased, until he turned nineteen. He found it funny, how he couldn’t get money from the house but Rin was ruling a country when they were the same age.

He was surprised when he saw light coming out a window; he had supposed they would be asleep by then. He stopped some metres before the door, though, a familiar dread creeping up his spine, twisting his guts. The mere idea of facing them made him nauseous.

He wanted to turn around, to run back to the palace and go to sleep next to Rin and forget he had ever meant to talk to them. He wanted to run away, to be a coward; he didn’t want to lose his family again. He stepped back, biting his lower lip and already preparing himself to retreat–

“Haru?”

Haruka froze.

He didn’t turn around, like he had planned to, because the voice, too familiar to mistake it, came from behind. He didn’t have to, anyway; because soon Makoto reached him and stood before him, scanning his face with that knowing look that made Haruka fix his gaze on the ground.

“At last you’re back,” his friend exhaled. Haruka didn’t look up. He couldn’t, not with the half-smile he could hear in Makoto’s voice. “Mum said you’d need some space, but Ran tried to sneak into the palace to go get you when I said you were probably there.” Makoto’s hands approached Haruka, but stopped before touching him and Haruka wished he stopped pretending too. “Come on, these last days have been rough, but there’ll be something for you to eat.”

Haruka didn’t move. He saw Makoto’s feet stepping back, out of his sight.

“I’ve already had dinner.”

Makoto’s steps stopped.

“Oh, right, in the palace they have dinner earlier.” Haruka heard him getting close again. “We’ve been worried, Haru,” Makoto whispered when his feet were in Haruka’s sight again. “We haven’t heard about you since the day of the fire, and after what you told us–” He exhaled slowly. “We supposed the Sultan would send a message if something happened to you, but we had no way of knowing.”

Haruka needed some seconds to take in Makoto’s words. They had been worried… about _him_?

“You don’t have to worry,” he muttered. “I’m fine.” He raised his gaze the tiniest bit, wondered if the burn in Makoto’s arm had healed yet. “Do you want me here?”

He flinched when Makoto’s hands gripped his arms.

“Why wouldn’t we?”

“Because it was my fault.”

He instinctively tried to pull back when Makoto hugged him. He had expected anger, resentment– not _this_. Not worry, and definitely not a warmth he didn’t have the right to enjoy, but for once his friend didn’t want to give in.

“Don’t say that. You did nothing.”

“I put all of you in danger–” Haruka pushed Makoto, but no avail. “And I lied, and– Stop worrying about me… It’s Ren the one who is blind– Makoto, _let_ _go_!”

Haruka didn’t believe, not even for a second, that he’d miraculously gotten stronger than Makoto in the days he had spent avoiding the Tachibanas. When he stumbled backwards, his friend’s arms finally freeing him from the forced hug, the sting behind his eyelids suddenly became more intense, his ragged breathing coming in hiccups synchronised with the tremors running down his spine. Yet he didn’t know what had made Makoto let him go: maybe the plea in his eyes, or the fear in his tone. Maybe the despair that had made him raise his voice.

“Nobody is angry with you.” Makoto’s voice came out softly, with a tone that was, for the first time since they could remember, failing at soothing Haruka. “Just come back.”

Haruka parted his lips, but the door creaked open before he could speak. A cold panic silenced his words when he saw Ran’s head peek out the door.

“Haru? Is it Haru? I heard–” Her round face lit up when she spotted Haruka, a short cry of joy preceding her dash towards him. “Haru! You came back!” Haruka didn’t have the heart to reject her hug, the way her thin arms snuck around his waist as she leant her head on his stomach. She looked up frowning, though. “You’re trembling. Are you sick?”

“Uh… No, I’m–” But Haruka had never been able to just disobey Ran’s naturally bossy voice, and he crouched down when she gestured so she could touch his forehead. As if she knew how to measure someone’s temperature that way. “I’m alright,” he said.

Ran stared at him, hands on her hips in an impressive impersonation of Mrs. Tachibana.

“Then you’re just cold. I’m not surprised, where have you been lately?” She took Haruka’s hand and tugged it towards the house. “Teenagers these days…”

“Hey, since when can you scold us?” Makoto barged in as Haruka stood up.

“Since you are so irresponsible! Someone has to take care, and Ren can’t. Therefore, from now on, I’m helping Mum to raise you.”

Makoto’s laughter rang in Haruka’s ears long after it had stopped. He barely noticed his friend’s concerned look as he raised his head to look at his parents’ house, didn’t pay attention to Ran’s complaints as she pulled at his hand. He knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse, that he would have to face the whole family in the place he had lost his parents, and as Makoto walked with them he wondered if he was more terrified of the Tachibanas kicking him out or their worry and care.

“Haru.” Makoto spoke quietly as his sister opened the door, so Ran didn’t hear him. “You’ve been here for almost ten years. It’s time you stop thinking of yourself as an outsider.”

Haruka looked down when Makoto’s hand landed on his back, gently aiding his sister in the task of guiding Haruka inside.

There was a knot in his throat, and now it wasn’t made of fear.

 

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

 

 

 

Rin didn’t see Haruka until the afternoon.

His worry vanished when he found his lover on a hallway near the natatorium, but the smile lighting up his face disappeared when he recognised the children that accompanied him. Yet it had nothing to do with seeing Ren’s disfigured face; even though half his head was covered in bandages, his right cheek was so swollen he could barely open his eye, so the child held Haruka’s hand tightly as his sister pushed him in the right directions sometimes.

Rin couldn’t say what made him so uneasy at first. Then Haruka noticed him, too.

“Rin.”

Ran turned around, smiling when she remembered the Sultan’s face.

“Hello, Mister Sultan!” She took a few steps towards Rin, but stopped before reaching him and looked back at Haruka. “Shouldn’t I bow or something?”

“Not right now,” Rin replied, closing the distance between the girl and him with a tense smile. He noticed Ran’s eyes were glued to his teeth; she had been fixated on them since they met for the first time. “Why did you bring them here?” he asked Haruka, who shifted uncomfortably.

“She demanded a compensation because it took me more than expected to come back.” His voice was barely audible, eyes half-lidded when he noticed Rin’s forced smile. “Is there any problem?”

Rin stopped trying.

While there wasn’t any problem on his part and he couldn’t be happier Haruka had stopped avoiding his family, the woman his mother had called as a candidate to marry the Sultan would arrive soon; and Rin didn’t even know what he would do about her, what excuse he could use to reject her hand, but he was sure he didn’t want Haruka and Aki to be in the same room.

He thought about what his mother had said. _A few days_. That had been the day prior; Aki wouldn’t be that fast, right? She didn’t live far, but she would need to prepare proper dresses and perfumes and those things women loved.

 _You wouldn’t have to worry about that if you had just told him_.

Rin felt like hitting his head against the nearest wall until he either died or got his brain too damaged for anyone to want to marry him.

“No,” he finally said. “But... be careful.” Haruka nodded, his expression darkening as he understood. Maybe subconsciously, he pulled Ren closer.

“I want to go to that room with the pool,” the boy demanded, tugging at Haruka’s hand.

“We were heading there before his Highness distracted us.”

“Excuse me, you can’t bring anyone into the palace without permission,” Rin snapped back, resuming walking until he stood before Haruka. Ren flinched.

“It’s just Rin,” Haruka reassured him. “Right?”

“Yes... Sorry I scared you.” The Sultan crouched down. “Can’t you see anything?”

Ren shrugged. “When there’s light I can see shapes,” he explained. “And Ran helps me.”

Something cold squeezed Rin’s stomach when he realised again that Napis, the man behind Ren’s blindness, was out there, enjoying his freedom while the child was forced to learn how the world was without his sight. He swore Napis would never see the sunlight when he was caught.

“You can still eat, right?” he changed the topic. Curious by the question, Ran ran towards them, grabbing her brother’s other hand cautiously. He still cringed at the unexpected touch.

“Of course, if I couldn’t I’d die,” he said, annoyed.

Rin smiled.

“A little bird told me there’s cake today,” he said, “so if Haru doesn’t get distracted again, you can go to the kitchen and ask for a piece when you get tired of the pool.”

“I wouldn’t get distracted if you weren’t in the way,” Haruka replied.

“Does that mean I’m distracting for you?”

A flustered Haruka wasn’t a common occurrence; Rin enjoyed everything about it

“Let’s go,” Haruka commanded as the Sultan stood up, glaring in answer to his smirk.

Rin watched them go, not remembering he had things to do until they disappeared around the corner.

Now he only needed to think up a way to avoid his marriage with Aki.

 _Tell him_ , the voice insisted for the twentieth time.

 

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

 

 

 

Haruka took the twins home when Ren started complaining about his burns hurting.

In insight, he shouldn’t have gone out yet. He was still disoriented and usually escaped the pain with the beverages his mother made him. The only reason Mrs. Tachibana had allowed it was her children’s joy when Haruka had come back; but she had made him promise he wouldn’t take his eyes off the twins.

As he walked out the palace, Ren in his arms and Ran trailing close behind, he noticed a procession of a carriage and at least twelve people riding camels around it, approaching the Sultan’s home. When they got close he made sure Ran grabbed the end of his scarf and stepped aside as they got inside the wall.

“Who are they?” Ran asked, raising her voice to make sure Haruka heard her as her brother muffled a groan in Haruka’s shoulder, complaining about the noise.

“Some noblemen, probably,” he muttered, trying to remember if Rin had told him about it. He didn’t think so; but truth was he hadn’t paid much attention to anything the Sultan said since the fire. Maybe they had come to testify what they knew about the arrested traitors. “Let’s go.”

For some reason, Haruka found himself reluctant to walk home, a foreboding uneasiness coiling at the pit of his stomach as he walked into his parents’ house. It was empty; neither

Makoto nor his parents had come back yet. Haruka left Ren on his bed –it was ironic, in a way that twisted Haruka’s guts, how the twins’ room was the one he had spent every night until his parents died– and helped him change into his nightwear as Ran fetched her brother’s medicine.

According to Makoto, Ren had refused to take it the first days, complaining about how bad it tasted. However, it must be a potent analgesic, since he drank it all in two large gulps the moment Haruka put it on his hands.

“Are you going to be here tonight, too?” Ren asked after stating he wasn’t hungry. He had had a large portion of cake, so Haruka wasn’t overly worried about it.

“Probably.” Haruka helped Ren lay down, covered him to the shoulders as Ran put her nightwear on and curled up on her bed. “Anyway, your parents and brother must be about to arrive.”

He stayed with the twins until they fell asleep nevertheless.

Makoto got home when Haruka was closing his old bedroom’s door. He smiled when Haruka summarised his day with the twins in the palace as they were having dinner and waited for Mr. And Mrs. Tachibana to arrive.

“I wasn’t expecting you to come back so soon, though,” he added.

“Ren was tired,” Haruka muttered, biting into his pear.

“Oh.” Makoto’s smile died down. “It’s a pity. Apparently the troupe’s entrance in the palace was amazing.”

 _So that’s who those people were_. Haruka wondered what they were doing in the palace. He knew artists from the whole country were invited to perform before the Sultan on members of the royal family’s birthdays, but he was fairly sure there wasn’t any important date soon.

Or maybe there was, and Rin hadn’t told him. Maybe the Sultan had actually told him, and Haruka had been too distracted by the fear and the shame he hadn’t heard it.  
Anyway, he’d ask Rin about it in the morning.

 

 

The murmurs amongst the servants in the palace, already increased when half the Council had been arrested, were impossible to ignore when Haruka walked in.

He didn’t understand them at first, though; they talked about Rin, about some nobles’ daughter, about reunions and celebrations; but the words were spoken in a tone that disconcerted Haruka. He even pondered, when he saw Sousuke, the option of asking him; but Rin’s best friend was faster: he approached Haruka in long strides.

“What do you want?”

Cooperating for Rin’s sake was one thing; but there was little Haruka liked about Sousuke. He supposed the tall man wanted to tell him to get out of Rin’s way once again; if that was the case, Haruka had no intention to stay quiet this time.

A vein twitched between Sousuke’s eyebrows.

“You wouldn’t be so insolent if you didn’t have Rin’s favour,” he muttered. “Which is related to what I came to say.” Haruka bit his tongue; he wanted to talk to the Sultan, to know what he had missed; but he had the feeling Sousuke would make him waste more time if he was interrupted. “Don’t you dare interfere between him and the girl.”

Haruka frowned. “The girl? You mean–”

“I mean Aki,” Sousuke cut him off. “The Yazakis’ daughter.”

 _Why should I care about her?_ , was Haruka’s most primal instinct, followed by a knot closing off his stomach as a suspicion settled in his heart.

“Get into that thick head of yours that there’s no way for you, or anyone, to–”

But then he trailed off, looking down as if all of a sudden he weren’t able to meet Haruka’s gaze. Haruka opened his mouth, not sure if he wanted to ask Sousuke to explain himself or to shut up, but the reason behind the man’s silence was made clear when they both heard steps approaching them.

“Haru!” Rin smiled when Haruka turned around. “I thought you’d stay with the Tachibanas.”

Haruka shrugged; his shoulders felt inexplicably stiff. He didn’t pay attention to what Sousuke told Rin, but it was clearly not something that made the Sultan change his mind.

“Come with me for a bit; I need to talk to you.”

Haruka could tell Sousuke wasn’t happy, but Rin grabbed his wrist and dragged him down the hallway before the Sultan’s best friend could protest.

_Don’t you dare interfere._

Interfere? Between Rin and someone whose existence he hadn’t known before that day?

“Why is a troupe here?” he heard himself say. He refused to give that unsettling feeling anything to help it grow.

By then, Rin had successfully pushed him inside a little living room and closed the door behind him. He leant on the wood, staring at the floor.

Seconds passed between them, pulling at the knot in Haruka’s stomach until he couldn’t breathe and a single, exasperated word escaped his mouth:

“ _Rin_.”

Rin’s sharp inhale sounded painful. Slowly, he raised his head and fixed his gaze on Haruka’s eyes.

“We have to talk.”

 

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

 

 

 

Keeping the truth from Haruka was a dead-end street; Rin had realised that much the second the troupe hired to entertain the Yazakis when they arrived walked into the palace.

But telling him was going on would be harder than Rin had anticipated, he realised when he spent two minutes staring into expectant blue eyes and not a sound came out his mouth. He knew he had to, he didn’t want to hide things from him– but a voice in the back of his mind kept reminding him that afternoon, before the Tachibanas’ home burned and everything went to hell, where Haruka had gathered the courage to share with him his biggest insecurity when it came to their relationship.

 _“You don’t want me to be your_ – _“_

Concubine, whore, toy...

No, Rin didn’t want that. There was no way he would ever want to reduce their relationship to that.

But apparently the world didn’t care about what he wanted.

“I bet you’ve already heard about the Yazakis,” was what finally left Rin’s lips.

Haruka only nodded, the glint in his look going from curious to suspicious.

“Who are they?”

Rin sighed, bit into his lower lip.

“One of the wealthiest families in the country. Also distant relatives, since my great-grandfather married a Yazaki.” He found talking about it easier than expected; Haruka had only requested general information, empty facts Rin had learnt from genealogy books and stories Dame Ágata used to tell him when he was little. “They own the lands between the desert and the mountains.”

Haruka nodded again.

“And...” he prompted.

“And their daughter, Aki, is currently coming here, invited by my mother to...” Rin swallowed; for a second he swore Haruka pursed his lips. “She’s one of the candidates to marry me,” he spluttered, quickly, as if the words would lose their meaning if they had a short life.

This time he didn’t imagine the way Haruka’s jaw tensed.

“I...” Haruka trailed off, shook his head and started again: “Guess. I guess– Alright.”

Rin frowned. “Alright?”

“No.” Haruka looked down. “But I shouldn’t be surprised.”

It didn’t dawn on Rin until then that Haruka hadn’t made any move to get closer to him yet. He stepped towards him on instinct, not sure if he wanted to reassure his lover or being soothed by his touch, but stopped before reaching out to brush his cheek.

“Look,” he started, but it didn’t make Haruka look at him, “you know I want to be with you, right?” Haruka didn’t move. “I’ll make up some excuse to reject Aki; then I’ll try to... make people here change their mind about all that giving-the-country-a-heir crap, so... What’s wrong?”

Haruka was shaking his head again.

“You’re missing the point,” he mumbled. He grabbed Rin’s hands, though, squeezed them. The Sultan landed a kiss on his forehead.

“It’ll work,” he muttered, lips brushing black hair.

The worst part was knowing it was a lie the second the words escaped his lips. It wasn’t just about Rin; it was something that concerned way too many people.

Yet he hid his face in Haruka’s neck, let him kiss his hair as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

 “It has to.”

 

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

 

 

 

Aki Yazaki arrived five days afterwards.

Haruka would have lied had he said there was nothing he wanted more than seeing the girl with his arms wrapped around Rin as he showed her the palace and asked about the greener, more fruitful lands she was from. She had always a smile on her face Rin mirrored at times and seemed smarter than Haruka had imagined her like in his jealousy.

Everyone hoped Rin liked her. Everyone commented on how good-looking the couple was, what a good wife she would make for the Sultan. Servants talked about how she would be dressed for the wedding, about which kind of jewel the Sultan and she would exchange. The comments were as far as speculating whether their firstborn would be a boy or a girl.

And, as much as Haruka wanted to hate Aki, he soon found out he wouldn’t be able to.

It happened on the third day she spent in the palace. In the morning, Haruka bowed out of habit when he passed Aki and the Princess, who had seen each other often during their childhood and were good friends. Before turning the corner, he felt the two girls’ gaze on his back, and a giggle made his eyebrow twitch in annoyance.

He didn’t think about the incident much– at least until he was called to a silent, empty room to catch up with the latest news about the traitors’ trial and somehow he found Rin’s hands on his hips and his fingers tangled in red hair and the next thing he knew was that he had the Sultan trapped between him and the wall– and they kept pulling at the other, trying to get closer, closer, _closer_ and even skin was in the way.

No matter what happened, Aki would never get to see that, to know the thrill of Rin’s brain switching between cautious and enthusiastic until the Sultan found the resolve to continue in Haruka’s impatient nod and the empty room burnt with their yearning.

 _This is mine_ , was the most coherent thought Haruka could muster. _This Rin is mine_.

That moment was his, theirs– and neither Aki nor anyone would ever take that away.

 

 

“I missed a meeting,” Rin mumbled.

Haruka raised an eyebrow. “You sound devastated.”

Rin giggled.

They were still in the empty room, starting to notice now how the world around them kept existing: steps, voices, things being dropped with noises that suggested different outcomes– at the other side of that wooden door there was a world where nobody knew about Haruka and Rin’s own little universe.

Rin leant into the fingers braiding his hair until Haruka blew on his neck.

“That’s mean,” he mumbled, leaning forward with a wince to let him keep playing with red hair. “It’ll be ruined by the moment I leave anyway.”

Haruka paused. So far Rin’s head sported six little braids and two thirds of the seventh one.

 _You mean you’ll have to undo it when you leave_.

“Half your head is done. Hold still for a bit,” he muttered instead.

 

 

Apparently, Haruka’s stomach thought doing a somersault when Rin walked out the room without undoing his braids was very funny.

The acrobatics sent his heart to his throat as he stared at the braids, clearly visible under the Sultan’s turban, but it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. He stayed on the room for some minutes, until he estimated Rin was far enough so nobody suspected, then fixed his own clothes and walked out.

“Mr. Nanase?”

Haruka’s backbone tensed so much he thought it would break.

He turned towards Aki, immediately remembering that Rin had come out from the same room he had merely minutes ago. How long had she been there? Had she figured out they had–

 _And what if she does?_ A resentful voice cut Haruka’s worries. _She’s the outsider_.

“Yes,” he stammered, because he didn’t know what else to say.

Aki smiled; Haruka hated how beautiful she was, how kind she looked.

“The Sultan has you in high esteem, am I right?” she softly asked, stepping towards him. Haruka let out a curt nod. “Gou... The Princess told me how much you’ve helped him. It was quite a shock when the news of his... accident... arrived to me, so I’m glad you were here.”

 _What do you want?_ Haruka almost snapped. He didn’t like her; and he was pretty sure she wouldn’t like him if she knew half the truth.

“I wanted to thank you,” Aki went on, as if she had read his mind. “Regardless of how this courting period turns out, I consider his Highness a friend first and foremost, and I’m happy he has someone like you to take care of him.”

Haruka didn’t know what to reply at that, so he kept his mouth shut.

“Have a nice day,” Aki added, her smile growing wide before she turned around and walked away.

Aki was, apparently, beautiful, good-meaning and kind.

And it made Haruka feel like tearing off his own skin.

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

 

 

 

Rin had always thought forgetting things wasn’t such a bad thing.

He usually kept track of everything: meetings with the Council, attending commoners’ demands, watching out for Gou’s lovers, having long walks with his mother regularly, visiting his father every now and then... So if the Sultan missed something, it wasn’t usually a big deal. He could always make up for it, and people weren’t prone to be angry with the ruler of their country for long anyway.

That was, until Haruka first kissed him in the natatorium.

Rin’s brain didn’t make any distinction between important and trivial matters anymore; when Haruka was with him, when every stimulus was too much and he drowned in Haruka’s rough touch, there was nothing strong enough to pierce through desire and arousal until they regained their breath tangled with each other.

It wouldn’t have been a problem, had Rin managed to remember important things.

But he forgot. He forgot all the implications in his and Haruka’s relationship, all the unspoken threats, all the dangers hovering over not only the two of them, but also the whole royal family– maybe even the whole country.

Rin hated Gou when she told him about the importance of making certain choices. Hated Sousuke when his friend put into words what his sister had only vaguely implied with a worried smile. He even hated Haruka when the boy fell asleep on his chest late at night, because as much as Rin loved the way those hands clung to him even though their owner was unconscious he was starting to realise the one thing that, deep down, had always depicted the reason he had never explicitly told anyone about his sexual preferences.

Every action has its consequences, even more so if it’s a mistake. Doing something slightly wrong means getting scolded. If it’s something more serious, the punishment is worse, too. But it’s usually balanced; nobody kills a friend for an innocent prank.

Rin was one of the exceptions to that rule. He was the Sultan, the most powerful person in the country; way more people than he would have liked had their eyes on him, waiting for the right moment to make him pay for his mistakes. It wasn’t about traitors, it was just– the way it was. People wanted power and wealth, and the only way to find those was taking them away from those who already owned them.

Letting people know about Haruka– well, it would have consequences.

And as ready as Rin was to fight everything that tried to get in their way, he couldn’t say the same about his sister. Or about his mother, or about Sousuke. Hell, he had already witnessed Haruka hit rock bottom under the threat of losing his family; Rin couldn’t force him to risk that for him–

Rin wouldn’t force Haruka to choose between him and anyone else.

But the alternative made his insides twist painfully, until he couldn’t breathe.

He didn’t want to lose Haruka.

It didn’t have to do with the past, with everything his lover had done with him– it wasn’t related to that horrific day when Rin had seen him struggling to keep walking, breathing, _living_ , with a trail of blood behind him; or the nights they had spent together, either in the pool or in the bedroom. Hell, not even the fact that it had been thanks to Haruka that the majority of the traitors had been arrested crossed Rin’s mind for the whole night.

It had to do with the future, with the simple fact that– well, Rin was unable to imagine a future without Haruka by his side.

The sniffle surprised him. Bewildered, Rin raised his hand, brushed the wet trail making its way down his cheek. He tried to calm his breath, but he only managed to turn the ragged hiccups into full sobs. And the fear of awaking Haruka only made it worse; Rin was succeeding in suffocating himself when the head leaning on his chest finally rose, a worried look framed by unruffled hair.

“Rin?” Callous fingers brushed the Sultan’s cheek, making him let out all the sobs he had tried to hold. “It’s fine,” Haruka whispered, words slurring with sleepiness, even though he had no idea of what was going on; he didn’t complain when Rin hid his tears in the crook of his neck, caressed his hair and his back as the Sultan kept crying.

“I’m here.”

 _You won’t be_ , Rin wanted to reply; but the words got stuck in his throat and what came out instead was a moan he muffled in Haruka’s clavicle.

And as if Haruka had heard him, his lips brushed the Sultan’s ear with the echo of his words.

“I’m here.”

 

 

 


	39. Chapter 39

 

 

 

Haruka left Rin’s room at dawn, pressing a kiss against the still half-asleep Sultan before walking out.

He had no other option; while Rin was allowed to have as many lovers as he wanted, the Sultan engaging in sexual activities with people other than his potential wife during the courting was frowned upon. And Haruka might not particularly like Aki, despite her kindness; and he might be still worried even though Rin had stopped crying hours ago. But he didn’t want to cause Rin trouble.

He planned to spend the day with the Tachibanas; if Ren felt well Haruka might take the twins to the palace again. Though he didn’t think they’d have the time; Makoto’s father had to prepare a cargo that would leave to a neighbouring city in two days and he’d likely need help.

“Nanase.”

Haruka hadn’t even walked out the hallway where Rin’s bedroom was and his idea of spending a peaceful day was already going to hell.

At this point, he had accepted that he and Sousuke would never really get along; however, the only aspect they were able to compromise was also powerful: they both cared about Rin way more than they cared about the natural animosity between then, which made Haruka have the tiniest bit of patience towards the Sultan’s best friend. He sighed as he turned towards Sousuke.

“What do you want?”

Strangely enough, the young man shifted his weight from one foot to the other, not meeting his gaze.

“A hallway is not the best place to discuss this,” he muttered. “If you come with me…”

Haruka nodded, not entirely reluctant; he wondered what Sousuke wanted to tell him. He supposed the man had already figured out the shift in his relationship with Rin; if he hadn’t, seeing him walk out the Sultan’s bedroom at sunrise was probably telling enough.

He didn’t comment on this, following Sousuke with silent steps until they reached a nearby room. He squinted briefly when the man opened the door and gestured for him to walk in first, but stood still until the door was closed behind Sousuke’s wide back.

“What do you want?” Haruka repeated then.

Sousuke took several minutes to speak. When he did, he went straight to the point; no introductions, no flourishes before saying what he had called Haruka to say:

“I don’t really care what you and Rin have been doing lately, but it has to stop.”

Haruka’s eyebrows knitted together in an instinctively annoyed frown.

“What Rin and I have been doing lately,” he started, “is nothing of your business.”

A vein in Sousuke’s temple twitched. “As a citizen in this country, it is,” he replied. “And I thought you had realised it by now. Rin being the Sultan doesn’t mean he can do whatever he pleases.”

Haruka’s jaw tensed. It was too early and he was still too asleep to have that conversation. Which didn’t mean his still foggy mind didn’t reach for the threads Sousuke’s words evoked, as an echo of dishevelled thoughts he never dwelled long enough to turn into a specific, terrifying idea.

_It’s never really been about Rin; it’s about everything else_.

“It means whatever he does affects the whole country.”

 

 

It burnt. It was freezing. It was every sensation distorted to a grotesque extreme where it hurt in all the conceivable ways.

And it wasn’t anything Haruka hadn’t already thought.

_You’re missing the point_ , he had whispered when Rin told him about Aki, hardly a week ago. _You’re missing the point_ , he had replied to a quiet confession – _I want to be with you_ – because he didn’t want to allow himself to hope for a dream made of mirages.

But Rin had made him forget that.

Haruka’s mouth was dry, his mind blank except for a single thought.

_I am so stupid._

Yet his natural refusal to agree with anything Sousuke said took over the numbness spreading through his body.

“And?”

His purposefully irritating retort did little to get on Sousuke’s nerves. He only sighed.

“He’ll get married. If not to Aki, to another woman. He’s already done enough by arresting half of the Council; he’s successfully angered many people by not turning his head away from all that mess. There’s little he can afford before a civil war breaks out, and you know as much as I do that marrying the right person is one of the few things he can do to defuse tensions.”

“Rin should be able to do whatever he wants.”

Even in Haruka’s head, the words sounded ridiculous; he couldn’t blame Sousuke’s mocking chuckle.

“You were almost killed, your family’s house was burnt to a crisp… and you still think what Rin wants will change _anything_?” He sighed. “Neither of us had ever any chance.” His voice was low, but it wasn’t pity what Haruka heard in it. It sounded almost like sympathy, almost like Sousuke _knew_ – “I just knew it from the beginning.”

“You…” But Haruka trailed off, eyes widening; because for the first time he could relate to the helplessness Sousuke couldn’t keep from himself. “Rin–, all this time you were in l––”

“It doesn’t matter,” Sousuke interrupted, his voice suddenly sharp. “What matters is that I know Rin, and I know he’ll try to have it his way until he has no other option; I bet you can tell that by yourself, too.” He took in a deep breath. “So I’m asking you. Don’t give him the chance to do anything stupid.”

 

 

Despite his resolve to spend the day with the Tachibanas, Haruka stood alone in that empty room for a long time after Sousuke left.

Thousands of thoughts swirled within his mind, all of them so loud he felt dizzy from the screams inside his head. He didn’t understand, didn’t _want_ to understand; but Sousuke’s words had been clear, leaving no space to misinterpretation.

 

 

_It has to stop._

 

 

It burnt; it was freezing.

And Haruka felt like he was drowning.

 

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

 

 

 

It was hard, when the day passed before Rin as strings of colourful flashes –the meeting with what was left of the Council, debates about who were the best ones to replace the traitors, the lunch in the garden– to think about anything at all.

The Sultan fell on his bed with the definitiveness of someone who plans to stay there for the rest of his life. He didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to face Aki –or worse, his overexcited mother– for as long as he lived.

For some minutes he pondered about the idea of his poisoning having left some permanent effect. The few food he had managed to get into his mouth since he had woken up to a warm yet empty bed hadn’t quite settled into his stomach, something Rin didn’t remember experiencing; then again, there were very few things that terrified him as much as the perspective of getting married to a woman– with everything it implied.

As the sun set behind the horizon, painting in warm colours the Sultan’s bedroom, he struggled against exhaustion. It was hard, because all Rin wanted was to sleep until Aki understood he didn’t have the slightest intention of marrying her and left, but after last night he knew he owed Haruka an explanation.

He had avoided thinking about him for the whole day, avoided wondering if he had figured it out on his own. He hoped he didn’t; he hoped he had spent the day with the Tachibanas, now that he seemed to have stopped keeping himself away from his family to deal with his guilt.

Rin wished Haruka didn’t know, so he could pretend he didn’t know either.

_And if he does, what are you going to do?_

Truth was, Rin had thought about how he could get his way. He didn’t have it as difficult as he had initially believed; there were more than one way for his family to carry on its royal blood. But traditions were hard to break; and contrary to popular belief being the Sultan didn’t mean Rin could do as he pleased. He remembered how worried about him conceiving a child the Council had been; most of the nobles who had tried to pressure him were traitors, but there were more people who wanted Rin to stop delaying the moment he would have to give the country an heir.

After what felt like an eternity, the Sultan managed to finish writing the short invitation and ordered Ryuugazaki, who was on guard at the other side of his bedroom door, to give it to a messenger along with Haruka’s name.

The moon was high in the sky when Haruka walked into the room, not bothering with knocking. Rin flinched at the unexpected sound, bolted upright and looked and his lover from head to toe.

 _Something’s not right_.

Haruka’s eyes were half lidded, blue irises glowing with daggers that stabbed right into the Sultan’s soul. Unlike the last days, throughout which he had grown increasingly confident about touching Rin without wasting a thousand seconds to hesitate, he didn’t seem to have the slightest doubt when he stopped upon noticing the Sultan.

“Hey,” Rin greeted, unsure.

Haruka looked away. “Why did you call me?”

Rin stopped himself from touching Haruka. He didn’t seem necessarily _angry_ – just tired and disappointed; Rin couldn’t escape the thought screaming at him about how awfully wrong everything he had done in the last days was.

He had been so selfish.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered. Haruka looked up, eyes widening in surprise. “I should have never dragged you into this. I…” Rin grabbed his forearm with his opposite hand, anxiously rubbing at it.

Haruka took a hesitant step towards him.

“But I kissed you first.”

Rin let out a laugh. “And I kissed you second. What difference does it make?” He swallowed. “It’s not easy, you know? Many people would be angry, and there are too many ways for them to let me know.”

 _And I don’t want to see you hurt ever again_.

Haruka fiddled with the hem of his scarf. “I talked to Sousuke this morning,” he mumbled. “But I already knew. Did you?”

Rin understood Haruka wasn’t waiting for an answer, but those words alone were enough for him to understand everything else. He remembered how Haruka had voiced, in his own way, his insecurities about what Napis had managed to get into his head months ago; the memory of his relieved smile when Rin assured him he didn’t only want a concubine hurt when he realised he had unknowingly done exactly that: hiding his relationship with Haruka from everyone, as if it were something he was ashamed of.

And he’d spent the last days running away from what he had to do just because it was easier than facing the truth, even though it had been his responsibility all along; because whatever existed between them might be theirs, but what put them in danger were Rin’s circumstances alone.

“I did,” Rin eventually muttered. “Just like you know– the only way for this to work is if you–”

“Spread my legs when you ask me to?” Rin almost swallowed his tongue. “Yes, I know. But I would’ve liked if you had told me.”

Rin exhaled slowly, shakily.

“Would it have changed anything?”

Haruka shifted his weight to his other foot.

“Probably not.”

Rin crossed his arms, shoulders lurching forward as if to brace himself for the impending collision.

It was useless. Few things were deadlier than Haruka’s naked sincerity.

“What were you expecting?” Rin blurted out. “A fairy tale?”

It was in that moment when Haruka’s expression finally faltered, when he locked his gaze somewhere near the Sultan’s toes.

“I…” His hands relaxed for a second, only for his fingers to intertwine right afterwards. “I think I expected for you to be the responsible one,” he muttered.

Rin bit his lip. His ears buzzed with a growling that reminded him of a storm.

“Listen–” he choked out. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment Haruka’s words had started sounding like a farewell, but his heart hurt where it hammered against his ribs, breath coming out in increasingly short hiccups. “I… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, alright? I know I should have– But I’ve been thinking, and–”

Rin knew he had lost the argument, had lost _everything_ , the moment he saw Haruka shake his head.

“Are you expecting a fairy tale?”

It was a low blow; Haruka probably knew it as much as Rin did. But it made reality dawn on the Sultan– Haruka’s pride would never allow him to become a concubine, even though he knew he was much more, and there was no way Rin could keep himself from touching him whenever they were in the same room after everything they’d gone through.

“You can’t–”

“I resign.” Haruka made a parody of a bow, a cruel reminder of the world they lived in, the reality standing in their way to whisper how different they were from one another outside that room, outside the sanctuary only few people had ever caught glimpses of.

“Half the Council is arrested; Napis won’t do anything after the fire.” He breathed in through his nose, obviously still too agitated to not get altered when he remembered what had happened to his family. “You’ll be fine.”

Rin shook his head. Part of him didn’t care about dangers, about threats; and only now he faced losing Haruka in a way he’d never thought he would he allowed it to get over him.

“I don’t accept it,” he whined. “I won’t get married to Aki, I’ll–”

“If it isn’t her, it’ll be another one.” Haruka’s jaw tightened, but he approached Rin nonetheless. “I don’t want to see that– Don’t make me see that… Please.”

The back of Rin’s eyelids prickled with tears he refused to shed. Crying meant there was nothing else he could do.

But loving Haruka with his whole being didn’t mean he had the right to tie him to his side. It was frightening, how Haruka’s plea gave away how easily convincing him to stay would be.

“What will you do?”

“Leaving the city,” Haruka muttered. His voice trembled as much as Rin’s question had. “Finding another job and– all that.” He sighed. “This shouldn’t feel weird,” he added, voice barely audible.

Rin couldn’t help himself. He knew it was wrong, he knew he was being selfish; but all he could think when he wrapped his arms around Haruka’s shoulders, the way he had done countless times before, was _right here_.

“I’ll miss you,” he said into black hair. “I owe you my life, Haru; I– I’m so happy you were here.”

Slowly, Haruka’s arms snuck around the Sultan’s waist.

“I owe you my life, too,” he mumbled. “I hope whoever you marry is worth it.”

Rin’s breath hitched, but not at Haruka’s words; they were pressed against each other along their lengths, and something about the way Haruka’s hand clung to the back of his robe told him he had noticed too.

“H–– Haru…”

_You’re the only person worth marrying._

_Step back while you can._

_Don’t leave._

Haruka drew his head back, unintentionally grinding his hips against Rin’s. Nails moulding into the Sultan’s back told him he hadn’t been the only one to react.

“I’ll leave tomorrow at dawn,” he announced, oddly breathless.

Rin thought about their misunderstanding, their senseless arguments. It was funny, in a twisted way, that the moment they started getting what the other wanted was when they had to part.

Yet he was smiling when he signed for his one way trip to hell, inhaling the scent emanating from Haruka’s hair before he spoke, lips brushing Haruka’s ear.

“Can you be mine until then?”


	41. Chapter 41

 

 

 

As they fell on the mattress, tangled in a mess of limbs and half-taken off clothes, Haruka knew, without a doubt, that he would damn that night for the years to come.

The bed swallowed his knees where they landed, one between Rin’s thighs, the other close to his hip as the Sultan’s smooth fingers cradled his cheeks to guide his lips to the mouth beneath. Haruka drank the moans escaping the Sultan’s throat, did nothing to silence his own when Rin’s left hand abandoned his face, dancing like a drunk spider down his chest, his abdomen– and stopped there, right at the hem of Haruka’s pants.

“Is this alright?”

Had his mind not been so clouded, the question would have annoyed him. He had told Rin, had _assured_ him he didn’t need any special treatment, that he could manage his own mind without help. But Rin’s low, raspy voice asking what he wanted, controlling his limbs through the mist of arousal until Haruka told him otherwise… It sent a wave of something unknown that translated to a pleasant shiver running down his spine.

The thought of Rin, the most powerful man in the whole desert, asking for _his_ consent was enough to send whatever was left of Haruka’s mind spiralling down into the madness that had made him agree to that; but it was also oddly reassuring, no matter how much Haruka insisted he didn’t need that reassurance.

“You first,” he muttered instead.

Rin frowned, but recoiled with his elbows to the centre of the bed, sitting up as Haruka fumbled to untie the cords and laces holding the Sultan’s robe in place. The Sultan whispered with every kiss Haruka placed on his skin, shuddered at the fluttery touches down his chest. His hands came to rest on Haruka’s wrists when he untied the last knot.

“Your turn,” he reminded him.

Haruka was starting to curse every kiss, every finger sliding across his skin, before Rin even freed him from all his clothes. He leaned into Rin when the Sultan’s sharp teeth sunk into his shoulder, knees knocking together as he choked out something that might have meant something in some language.

How was he supposed to remember _that_ –Rin’s dilated pupils, the odd touch of his soft skin against Haruka’s rough hands, the way their breath hitched in between kisses– without going insane?

The Sultan offered some resistance for the first time when Haruka laid down on his back and tugged at his arm.

“What?”

Rin’s blush spread to his ears.

“Before, you said– You said you wanted to–”

“Everything,” Haruka helpfully supplied. Rin nodded. “Why?”

“Everything… Which way?”

Haruka frowned, surprised by the question. “Both. If it’s alright with you.”

Rin brushed his hair off his face. Red strands fell again, covering part of his expression.

Haruka saw his smile, though.

 

 

There was an unknown hunger beneath layers of concern, under care and nervousness. It was clear in the impatient nod Haruka took a second to process before Rin lifted his hips, trying to do his part for him; it was evident when Haruka’s legs wrapped around the Sultan, holding him close. It tasted bitter during the moments after their limbs disentangled and the prelude of dawn started to dissolve the darkness of the sky.

Rin lost the battle against sleep with Haruka’s fingers combing his hair, head leaning on his lover’s stomach, arm draped over Haruka’s thighs. Unless something were to awaken him before sunrise, he had missed his chance to say goodbye.

Haruka would make sure he kept sleeping. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to leave if Rin looked at him once more.

He carefully pushed the Sultan off him, left him tucked in beneath the covers. Rin only frowned and hummed, fingers closing as if to grab something that clearly wasn’t there. Haruka got up, gathered his clothes and got dressed, leaving his scarf folded at the feet of the ridiculously big bed.

He lit up the oil lamp the Sultan had on his bedside table, carried it towards the desk and carefully placed it on the dark wood as he sat down on the chair. Touched, just because he could, the many different things there were: papers, jewels, small jars with unguents whose purpose he had only learnt hours ago. The desk wasn’t untidy, yet the presence of so many and diverse items made it look like a little chaos.

But he couldn’t delay what he had to do forever; he had already postponed it too much. For a second he turned around and looked at Rin, for once not hidden behind the canopy; it felt wrong, not telling him properly, but Haruka had run out of time for that.

He fished a quill and ink from a drawer, took a blank paper from the pile and, after breathing in deeply, started to write.

 

 

When he was finished and the ink dried, Haruka folded the message the way Rin usually did. He walked to the bed and dropped the letter next to the Sultan, leant down to place a kiss on his temple. Rin mumbled something that might have or might have not been his name, hands trying to grab fingers that weren’t there again.

“I hope you manage to get your way,” Haruka whispered; his words echoed in the silent room. “Thank you for everything.”

Haruka didn’t realise he had forgotten his scarf in Rin’s bedroom until he walked out the palace gate and the cold morning wind hit his face, making him shudder.

He turned his head, fixed his gaze on the balcony of the Sultan’s bedroom.

He didn’t trust himself to get out of that room a second time, so he kept walking towards his parents’ house.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thing; since finals are coming up, I won't be so quick to update for the next two weeks.


	42. Chapter 42

 

 

 

_Rin._

_I should have told you sooner._

_I tried, when your father died and you let me stay with you as you grieved. But you didn’t want to hear it._

_I tried, when you became Sultan. But you were busy ruling a country._

_I stopped trying because I knew it would hurt you and I told myself you didn’t need to know. It was in the past and there were more important things going on. I was stabbed; then I was scared, first of Napis and later for you. I supposed I would tell you eventually._

_Now there’s no eventually._

_Your father didn’t die from an illness. Napis had been giving him a slow-acting poison; I heard him talk to another man about it two days before your father died. I’m sorry I never found out who that man was._

_I’m sorry for telling you like this, too._

_Haruka._

 

 

Rin didn’t recall announcing he would take the day off.

It had been Sousuke, probably; even though the Sultan had refused to show Haruka’s letter to his friend, he had declared Rin looked awful, and after calling his sister and being examined by the doctor they had concluded the Sultan needed to rest. They had suggested he wasn’t as recovered as it seemed, and Rin hadn’t had the heart to protest. It would have involved talking about Haruka.

Rin kept re-reading the letter when the sun was high in the sky, laying on his bed, alone for hours. He didn’t remember starting to cry, but tears trailed down his temples as he held the written words over him. The worn scarf he had found at the feet of his bed upon awakening was wrapped around his neck, the smell emanating from the blue and yellow fabric not quite helping the Sultan calm down.

He ignored what he was supposed to do with the last information Haruka had shared with him; thankfully there weren’t many options. The traitors were in jail and Napis hadn’t been seen in months, so he only had to tell the guards what to ask about, and pray the man that had plotted to kill his father was among them.

And if they didn’t know, well… Rin would have to make sure nobody dared hurt his mother or his sister; he’d protect even Sousuke, even though his friend would probably kill him if he knew what Rin was thinking. He wouldn’t lose anyone else, wouldn’t let anyone take his family away from him.

And when Haruka came back, his greeting would be a punch to the face.

Rin closed his eyes at that, two new tears falling from them. Haruka would most likely never come back, and his absence hurt more than his letter.

 

 

 


	43. Chapter 43

 

 

 

If Makoto found Haruka’s sudden desire to leave the city strange, he said nothing.

Like his parents, all he had done was telling him to take care, reassuring Haruka about Ren’s wellbeing. While not completely healed, the burns disfiguring the child’s face were now covered by thin scar tissue, protected from infections. Ran was always by her brother’s side, guiding him and answering all his questions about how the world he could no longer see was. The twins still argued an awful lot, though, but the consequences were better than anyone would have expected: slowly Ren was becoming more independent, learning how to move with each time he bumped into a wall or tripped over.

Despite having saved money from his salary as Rin’s private spy, Haruka started working in that city he didn’t know as soon as he found a job. Not because he had suddenly become hyper-aware of how important money was –he had learnt, throughout the worst months of the war for his family, it was the most legal way to get food; but when he thought about the noblemen’s avarice he understood too much money was more poisonous than opium–, but because it was the easiest way to keep his mind occupied.

He wished the hunch he had felt the second he allowed Rin to drag him to the bed hadn’t been that true.

That night he had, indeed, grasped _everything_. Had played with it, the way he had played with Rin’s hair afterwards; had felt its touch in the warmth of Rin’s kisses, in the pressure of their fingers in the other’s skin. It was carved on the purple fingerprints he had left on Rin’s hips, on the wound the Sultan’s teeth had made on his shoulder in a desperate attempt to muffle the sounds tumbling out his mouth.

And that memory, the minutes they had been as close as humanly possible, yet with the entire universe between them, clung to him like sand.

It breathed behind his ear when he stepped outside the inn he was staying, whispering his name in Rin’s voice.

It smelt like Rin’s clothes when Haruka arrived to the field he and at least twenty more people took care of.

It tasted bittersweet at lunch time, and Haruka shook his head whenever someone saw him scrunching up his face and asked what was wrong.

It danced on his skin when he went to bed, like kisses that were painfully absent when Haruka’s imagination conjured up a cruel imitation of Rin as his hand reached between his legs.

But it hurt the most afterwards, when Haruka’s breath calmed down in the silent room and he was too exhausted to keep the thoughts away. Rin wasn’t there, and thinking about him was pointless; their relationship had no future because there were too many things standing between them, and they knew they wouldn’t able to go back where they were before Haruka kissed Rin for the first time.

Sometimes, when he had some spare time, he recalled that day.

Sometimes he regretted kissing Rin.

 

 

One day during harvest time, Haruka found himself going to the field with a basket to fill with fruits, only to find every plant was dead. He didn’t particularly mind; he reasoned he had enough money to buy food anyway and walked back to the inn, only to find his bedroom on fire, its door locked and someone inside screaming at him.

 _“Leave!”_ The voice sounded distorted, yet it didn’t hold as much force as it should with that volume. _“Leave me alone!”_

For a second Haruka lost the ability to speak. He twisted the doorknob, fruitlessly trying to open the door.

Because it was impossible.

It was–

“Rin?”

_“Are you deaf? I can assure you, you don’t want to deal with what will happen if you keep–”_

Haruka let go of the basket, hit the wood with both fists.

“Rin, open the door! There’s fire inside–”

Rin growled.

_“You can’t give me orders.”_

“It’s not an order!” Haruka snapped, raising his voice too. It was a plea, and Rin’s skull was too thick to let it get to him. “Just get out.”

_“Now you want me to get out? After you put me here?”_

“I––” Haruka stopped hitting the door; he was starting to understand it would be fruitless. “I didn’t–”

 _“Sure.”_ There was a venomous edge in Rin’s voice, one that reminded Haruka of the day half the council had been arrested. _“Wasn’t this what you wanted? Or would you rather have me rot slowly, Haruka? Here, where nobody can hurt me, withering like a dead flower–”_

 “Rin, open the door,” Haruka begged, shuddering at the sound of his full name coming from Rin’s lips.

_“I can’t. I’m already dead.”_

Haruka shook his head, forehead leaning against the wooden door. The smoke was slowly but surely filling the hallway, hiding his surroundings in darkness.

“You aren’t… You’re speaking, you can’t be dead. Rin, please, open the–”

_“You killed me.”_

 

 

The last time Haruka had awoken screaming, he had been alone in the palace infirmary, recovering from a deep stab wound on his side.

He had quickly bitten his tongue, the fear of attracting doctor Napis quickly surpassing the horror of his nightmare.

That night, though, what rendered him silent was the lack of air; as he sat up on the uncomfortable mattress he brought both hands to his chest, grasping his clothes as he slowly remembered how to breathe again. He slowly pulled his knees up, hugged his legs as he dropped his spinning head between them.

He felt lightheaded, nausea making him gag as the imaginary smell of smoke came and went in waves.

 _It was a dream_ , he kept repeating to himself.

 _You killed me_ , Rin’s voice kept telling him. Not angry or accusing; just stating a fact. And it was louder than Haruka’s feeble attempts to calm himself.

_You killed me._

 

 

 


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took longer to post this update -and the last one. On the bright side, I'm done with exams now.

 

 

 

The Sultan was exquisitely polite when he turned Aki Yazaki down.

He told her during dinner, after three weeks of pointless courtship. She wasn’t surprised; neither were Sousuke and Gou when they learnt about it the following morning. Aki understood, asked him a single question and left with a small smile when the Sultan was unable to answer it.

The Sultan forbid his mother from calling more candidates to marry him. He was too busy to afford wasting his time with women; not to mention his mood worsened with each day the traitors said nothing new.

They had confessed the illegal importing, their schemes to get rid of the Sultan’s counsellor and even how they had mixed the wine the Shiginos had brought with poison. They had said more than anyone could have ever guessed, driven by fear and torture. But no matter how much pain they went through; they hadn’t said a word about Sultan Toraichi’s death.

Rin had allowed the guards to intensify their torture, had showed up to witness the interrogations himself, but it had been useless. Some of the traitors’ lives had even been in danger due to the Sultan’s burning need to know; one of them had stopped speaking altogether after three days of constant torture without leaving him a minute to sleep. His mind was too damaged, the doctors had said; but the Sultan had pushed the guilt to the back of his mind, too focused on finding out who had helped Napis kill his father.

He couldn’t afford feeling guilt. He couldn’t afford stop now; as long as the traitor was free not only his life would be in danger. He wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t hesitate until he caught the culprit and made him pay, until he made sure his family was safe.

However, the rumours spread quickly with or without the Sultan’s consent, and their effect was soon evident. The servants’ bows started being surrounded by fear instead of respect; nobody dared opposing him at meetings, commoners’ petitions in the Throne Hall became less frequent. The day Rin yelled at his sister in a hallway after she had a walk outside the palace –with her even louder replies– a scrawny servant brought dinner to his bedroom, shaking out of sheer terror.

It made the Sultan feel nauseous. Yet he swallowed down the feeling, told himself for the umpteenth time it was the only way to find out who the last traitor was.

Rin reread Haruka’s letter several times, until the moment it became too much and he threw it away. It still made his face burn with fear and anger; if he had ever believed his former lover’s words were sincere, he had long since forgotten that time. It was impossible he didn’t know who the man talking to Napis was– Sousuke taught him about every noble in the palace, so he must have recognised the culprit.

But why would he deliberately lie? Maybe he was angry Rin had chosen keeping everyone safe over their parody of a relationship, the Sultan reasoned. But it didn’t seem a good enough reason, not for Haruka. And the Sultan had no doubts about Haruka’s loyalty to him yet.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t deny the truth. Whatever reason Haruka had, he was clearly laughing at him, the way everyone was at his lack of results. At times he wondered if they thought he was just a child throwing a gigantic tantrum; it made his blood boil. With their wealth and freedom to do as they pleased, nobody in the Council would ever understand the hell shutting his conscience down was.

The Sultan gritted his teeth when the cool breeze brought Aki’s soft question again.

_It’s that boy, isn’t it?_

“That boy,” Rin said to the night, doing his best to ignore the blue edge of a scarf peeking at him from a drawer, “is just a different kind of traitor.”

 

 

 


	45. Chapter 45

 

 

 

There were no more nightmares. There were no more dreams, too; since the night Rin had locked himself up in a room on fire Haruka’s nights were made of dark, empty hours he woke up from restless and wondering where Rin had gone.

It should have been something good; and it would probably have, had Rin not been present everywhere else. Going to sleep wasn’t even a relief; Haruka dreaded closing his eyes at night, because he didn’t know which memory would haunt him when he opened them again. And because there were no words reassuring enough to make him forget that the Rin in his dream blamed him for his death.

No matter how much Haruka told himself that dreams were only dreams; there was an unknown uneasiness creeping at the base of his spine, reminding him of that night.

Reminding him he hadn’t heard about Rin since he had left the palace. For all Haruka knew, the Sultan could really be dead.

He rejected that idea so violently he lost his balance for a second. Rin was alright; he was alright. Everything was alright because it was the way it had to be and they hadn’t sacrificed a relationship with no possible happy ending for nothing–

But Haruka didn’t _know_. So he did what he had done the most for the last year: eavesdropping.

He found out that Rin was alive, that he had turned Aki down and was showing no mercy toward the traitors, that he still wanted to arrest more– and Haruka couldn’t help the dread caused by the eerie certainty that Rin was using every weapon he had to find the man that had plotted his father’s death with Napis. He also learnt about the confinement of the royal family within the palace’s boundaries, about how very few people were allowed into the building now.

Rin was shutting himself away, just like in Haruka’s dream.

He only allowed that idea to take over him for a few seconds, though. He forced it away, forgot it had ever existed. It was absurd.

Anyway, Haruka thought one day, after a brief conversation with the owner of the inn, Rin wasn’t locking himself up completely.

The Sultan was going to visit the city Haruka currently lived in.

 

 

The city started preparing a week before the Sultan arrived.

Haruka had never seen such a display of opulence. The streets got cleaned up, the beggars and homeless were relocated to the less crowded districts of the city, colourful tapestries hung from windows and balconies. Everything was ready for the Sultan’s arrival, despite he would most likely spend most of his stay in Mr. Ihses’ family’s house, who he had ‘important issues’ to talk about with.

The day the Sultan’s procession entered the city, Haruka didn’t have to work; he was both excited and afraid of not having an excuse to avoid seeing Rin. On one hand, he wanted to make sure he was alright, to finally get rid of the fear squeezing his heart; on the other…

On the other, Haruka wasn’t ready to face Rin knowing he wasn’t allowed to get close, to touch and kiss him anymore.

But the day came, regardless of his insecurities, and Haruka found himself climbing to a low roof to have a good sight of Rin. He sat down on the edge when the horns announced the Sultan’s entrance, legs dangling from where he watched.

His breath caught in his throat when the procession turned a corner and entered his field of view. He recognised some of the guards, and frowned when he didn’t see Sousuke; Haruka had supposed the Sultan’s best friend would officially become his right hand, now that he was gone.

And then he didn’t think anymore, because his gaze focused on Rin.

It hadn’t been that long. A month perhaps, and maybe some days more. Objectively Haruka _knew_ Rin hadn’t changed much, because he hadn’t had the time to do so: maybe his red hair was slightly longer, its ends resting on his shoulders instead of just brushing them. His pale, sharp features almost shone under the sunlight, fingers loosely curled around the camel’s reins as he scanned the crowd.

But something painful twisted Haruka’s guts the moment Rin turned his head and he could see his eyes more clearly.

Not even the burning sun could fill the emptiness within them; the bright red Haruka remembered was dulled, darkened with the tiredness clinging to his gaze from the bags under his eyes. There was a noticeable wrinkle between his eyebrows, the result of many hours of worry; his lips were pursed together in a gesture that made the Sultan look between angry and about to cry.

Haruka couldn’t but gasp.

And then happened the only thing he didn’t want.

It was impossible Rin had heard him. Haruka had no idea if the people surrounding the procession were truly happy to see the Sultan or they had been paid to pretend they were, but their cheers were too loud for such a small sound to get too far.

Yet the Sultan looked up– not in Haruka’s direction, just _up_ , as if trying to see the endless sky; and his dull gaze drifted towards the roofs, and then, inevitably, to his former lover.

The world stopped moving for a second when their eyes met; as Rin’s widened, Haruka’s tried to focus on something else, anything– but the Sultan was faster. He closed his eyes and turned his head away abruptly, whispering something to Ryuugazaki, who rode the camel next to his, before looking ahead again, his tense back the only proof Haruka had to assure that second of acknowledgment had existed at all.

Something sharp and painful settled within his chest, piercing it from side to side.

_What happened_ , he wanted to scream, loud enough for all the people surrounding him to hear him, loud enough for Rin to turn his head towards him again. That was how it sounded in his head, anyway; he didn’t even notice the people approaching him from behind.

_What happened to you?_

 

 

 


	46. Chapter 46

 

 

 

There was a twisted sort of satisfaction coiling in the pit of Rin’s stomach when his guards dragged Haruka in a room Mr. Ihses had lend him to use as an improvised dungeon. Haruka, who had run away to avoid facing his responsibilities, now was at Rin’s mercy; at last the Sultan was the one who had control over the situation, over him.

Rin had a walk with Mr. Ihses, ate lunch with him before ordering Ryuugazaki to take him where Haruka was.

“He gave us some problems, Highness,” the guard muttered.

Rin stopped abruptly.

“I told you not to harm him–”

“We haven’t hurt him,” Ryuugazaki quickly assured him. “But we had to tie him up so he stopped trying to escape through the window.”

The Sultan exhaled slowly through his nose as Ryuugazaki opened the door for him, stepping inside. He had already told the guard he didn’t need anyone to help him deal with Haruka, but he still felt concerned glances uncomfortably licking his back until the door closed behind him and all he had left to look at was forward.

Was that how much his own guards trusted him?

Rin son fixed his gaze on Haruka. His hands were tied to his back, the young man squirming in an attempt to free his arms from the ropes. He stopped when he noticed Rin, though, and glared at the Sultan instead.

“What is this about, Rin?”

He didn’t sound scared; Gods, he didn’t even sound concerned in the slightest. Just annoyed; and for some reason the confidence in that voice got on the Rin’s nerves.

“Don’t you dare addressing me with such liberties,” he snapped, fists closing at his sides. “I’m the one who asks the questions here.” Haruka gritted his teeth together. “Who was Napis talking to?”

Blue eyes widened for a moment in realisation before returning to their normal size.

“I already told you I don’t know.”

Rin bared his teeth. “Sure. You don’t know. You’ve spent years in the palace and you can’t recognise a person. Do you think I’m stupid?”

Haruka’s gaze darkened.

“You aren’t giving me reasons not to.”

Rin’s nails dug into his palms. He had been right, then. It was frustrating, how even now –with Haruka tied up, basically at his mercy– he felt he was the one at a disadvantage.

“I don’t believe it,” he spat. “Why did you leave a note in the first place?” But he didn’t wait for an answer. “It’s impossible you don’t know. Who are they threatening, this time?”

“Nobody,” Haruka hissed, his patience draining at an alarming high rate. “I just don’t know. I only recognised Napis–”

“Should we refresh your memory, then?”

At that, Haruka straightened up. He didn’t need to retract his lips or raise his voice the way Rin subconsciously had; his hands were immobilised, but he still managed to look threatening with a single glare that left the Sultan rooted to the floor.

“Are you going to torture me?” he asked, his tone low, dangerous. “Like you’ve done with the arrested noblemen?”

Rin’s shoulders drew back. “How do you–”

“Everybody knows,” Haruka interrupted him, eyes half-lidded. “Why?”

“I said,” the Sultan replied after a second, “that your job is answering questions, not asking them.” Haruka looked away. “What I do with my prisoners is none of your business,” Rin added, more quietly. Why was Haruka even worried about people who had damaged him, too? “You, more than anyone, should be happy they are getting what they deserve.”

“It’s not worried about them,” Haruka muttered, eyes fixed on his feet.

“Huh?”

“It’s about–” Haruka trailed off, bit his lower lip. “Did you bring me here just to intimidate me?”

The Sultan forgot briefly how speech worked. He wanted to say _yes_ , he wanted to say _no_ , he wanted to bring Haruka back to the palace and having him spend the rest of his life in the natatorium, where only he would be able to visit– he wanted to punch Haruka in the face for being able to look so composed and making everything Rin had worked so hard on building around his broken heart cumble down with his mere presence.

But in the end what came from his mouth was:

“Did you write a letter just because you were too scared of telling me in person?”

Haruka raised his head. Now he didn’t look resentful, or angry; he didn’t even look like he was mocking Rin now– he only looked _sad_ , the sorrow Rin had tasted the last time they had touched shining brightly in his blue eyes.

“I’m sorry.” He flinched and shrunk away from the hand getting closer to his face, the one Rin hadn’t realised he had raised.

For the first time the Sultan wondered if Haruka was actually a bit scared of him.

And even though he had wanted it less than a minute ago, the idea made him nauseous.

“I am, too.” He exhaled softly through his nose; and there were so many things he was apologising for, but in the end he only mentioned one. “Arresting you without a reason wasn’t the best course of action.”

Haruka’s breath hitched in the silent room.

“Just let me go,” he pleaded.

His voice broke at the end.

 

 

 


	47. Chapter 47

 

 

 

Haruka wondered if Rin was aware of how his skin _burnt_. As the Sultan untied him –because he wouldn’t do Haruka’s sanity a favour and miss the chance to touch him by calling a guard, _of course not_ – it was inevitable his fingers brushed against Haruka’s wrists, quiet curses leaving his lips as he fought against the knots.

Haruka wanted to speak, but they had already talked about the important things and he was the one who hated mindless conversation. He wanted to fill the dreadful silence where only their breathing and Rin’s murmurs existed, wanted to find the Rin he had only caught a glimpse of for a second – _his_ Rin, not that tyrannical ruler with the same appearance–, wanted to distract the Sultan from the quick hearbeat he could undoubtedly feel as blood rushed beneath Haruka’s skin.

But, in the end, it was Rin the one who spoke.

“I’m glad I got to see you.”

For some reason, Haruka thought about his nightmare.

 _You killed me_.

“I’m just distracting you from whatever business you have here,” he muttered, almost sighing in relief when Rin was finally finished with the ropes. He rubbed at his wrists, reddened and with marks on them; then he turned around to face the Sultan, who was still half-kneeling and looking down.

And it felt _wrong_ , in every sense of the word. Rin was the Sultan; he didn’t need to kneel before anyone. And Haruka was but an orphaned child who had been lucky enough to find people like the Tachibanas to care for him. In any case, their positions should have been reversed, even though things had never really been like that between them.

Yet when Rin raised his head, when red, tired eyes fixed on sad, exhausted blue ones, there was no trace of humiliation in his expression. When he took Haruka’s hand in his he only looked surprised, mesmerised even.

And Haruka saw in Rin the way he had stared at the Sultan so often, and the month they had spent apart finally crumbled before his eyes, blocking his throat and making breathing nearly impossible.

It was only the two of them there; no responsibilities, no dangers, nothing but two men stripped off their circumstances. There was no need for Rin to keep losing his humanity, for Haruka to hurt from being away. If only they could be inside that room forever–

But they couldn’t.

Haruka drew his hand back, resisting the urge to look away from the turmoil in Rin’s face.

“I have to go,” he breathed out. “Have a good day.”

His composture only fell apart when Haruka found himself within the confines of his room in the inn. He scratched his arms, his wrists, the hand where Rin’s skin had burnt him; he curled up into himself, tried to breathe deeply to get rid of the nausea coiling in his stomach.

Falling for that would have been stupid, would have lead nowhere.

Yet a part of Haruka was bleeding, begging him to run back to Rin and make the same mistake over and over again.

 

 

 


	48. Chapter 48

 

 

 

Throughout almost the whole first week after coming back from his trip, the Sultan didn’t feel hungry.

He still ate, though; but not even half the amount he had usually; just some bits were enough to make him feel like he’d throw up if he kept shoving food into his mouth. His mind was somewhere else, and even though he kept insisting on making the traitors talk about the man who had plotted his father’s dead, he refused to attend more tortures.

He knew Haruka had done the right thing by refusing their encounter to escalate, he knew he had done the right thing by letting him go. He knew that, had things gone the other way, missing Haruka would be even more painful than it already was.

But the Sultan couldn’t shake the regret off him.

Eventually he managed to focus on important things again, though. He hired a servant to taste everything he or his family ate, to make sure nothing was poisoned, he talked to different nobles to get an idea of who was more suspicious. He tried not to think about how he should have asked Haruka about that instead of getting carried away by feelings that wouldn’t help anyone.

He started his personal crusade against tradition, too. At first he wasn’t sure, but after Aki wrote to him, making clear how obvious Rin was, after thinking about how it would increase other noble families’ chance to be related to the royal family, he supposed the Council wouldn’t find only disadvantages. Rin started with dropping hints, but soon he publicly stated both male and female candidates to marry him would be welcome; and not even a week later he made clear he would be actually more interested in men. After talking to Gou, the Council became a bit more open to the idea, soothed by the certainty she would give birth to a legitimate heir to the throne.

It made his insides twist painfully in a knot that made breathing difficult, but for some weeks the only answer to his statement was silence. Sousuke refused to tell him his opinion, but after an apology for not having guessed how things were herself the Sultan’s mother reassured him: they were just surprised, and they would need to prepare different candidates to marry him.

His mother’s soothing voice didn’t ease the knot within Rin. He didn’t want to marry a man; he wanted to marry Haruka.

He wondered how long it would be until he forgot wishes that lead nowhere.

The answer terrified him.

 

 

Somehow, the pain stopped making his breath hitch. Rin didn’t really notice it; instead of missing Haruka, of hearing his voice in the wind and feeling his touch in the brush of his sheets, he focused on his duties as Sultan, and he was usually too tired to think of anything when he finally dragged his feet to his bedroom at the end of the day.

The pain subsided to a dull ache, one that only stabbed him when he awoke from dreams that left him painfully aware of Haruka’s absence, when he swam alone in the natatorium and felt, for a fleeting second, a non-existent presence next to him.

Yet he dared believe he was almost alright.

 

 

Something happened not too long afterwards, though.

It was on Gou’s birthday; that night there was no moon. Instead of working, Rin ate and drank with his family, enjoyed the troupes his sister had personally hired and laughed at their performances. If not drunk, by the time he walked back to his room he was tipsy in the very least.

He didn’t see the note on his bed at first. He frowned when he laid down and felt it under his arm and pushed it away, but eventually he was consumed by curiosity.

He read it, but he didn’t really see much in the dark.

He read it again at a candle’s light.

And again.

And it might be the alcohol, or the fact that he recognised that handwriting, but a single tear trailed down his cheek.

 

 

A guard saw the Sultan walk down a hallway in the middle of the night.

 

A servant saw someone running through the gardens.

 

A beggar saw a hoodied figure rush down narrow streets.

 

Rin saw a smile when he reached his goal.

 

 

Afterwards, nobody saw the Sultan.

 

 

 


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ^ Hey, look!
> 
> I finally know how many chapters this thing will have.

 

 

 

Haruka had spent barely two months away, but in that time Ren had recovered surprisingly well.

He was already able to move around the neighbourhood with relative ease, and he didn’t always need Ran to guide him around. Even though he had lost most of his sight, being able to discern shapes and shadows was still an useful ability.

He was as clingy as before Haruka left, though, but he didn’t mind. He had missed the Tachibanas too, and didn’t feel bothered in the very least by having Ren sitting on his lap as Makoto told him about everything that had happened while Haruka was away. Makoto talked about the neighbours, about how the war was finally coming to a definite end despite the many bureaucratic hurdles there apparently were.

Haruka saw Makoto’s uneasiness in the slight tremor of his fingers when he intertwined his hands on his lap, felt it in the way his stomach leapt when his best friend avoided his eyes. Even Ren noticed; he got off Haruka and reached his brother, finding his hand and tugging at it so Makoto sat him on his lap.

As he braided Ran’s hear (she had quickly taken over the space Ren had left), Haruka refused to let his mind wander to Rin. There was no point; the only reason he had come back to the capital was to see how the Tachibanas were doing. He didn’t even think about staying there; he was well aware the temptation of going to the palace would be stronger than him if he even looked at the walls he had ignored so many times before.

Whatever he and Rin might have had was over. It pained Haruka realising how the idea of Rin marrying anyone else wouldn’t have hurt him so much had he never kissed the Sultan, had he never had the chance to brush their everything with the tips of his fingers.

But he had kissed Rin, and there was no way to get back to the way their lives had been before that day. Not to mention the atrocities Rin had allowed since they had parted ways, unbelievable in the boy Haruka had met.

So there was no point in thinking about the Sultan.

Apparently Makoto came to a conclusion at the same time Haruka did; out of the corner of his eye, he saw his friend straighten up and take a deep breath before whispering something into Ren’s ear. The boy jumped to the floor and gestured to where he guessed Ran was –some metres at Haruka’s right– as he called her.

“Let’s ask Mum to make cake,” he suggested; Ran quickly forgot her wish to have her hair in a thick braid and jumped from Haruka’s lap, grabbed her brother’s hand and dragged him towards the kitchen, much to Makoto’s momentary amusement.

“They really missed you,” he commented. Haruka shrugged, almost wanting to follow the twins when his friend’s smile fell. “Have you heard about the Sultan lately?”

It wasn’t as if Haruka hadn’t expected it. Makoto knew him too well to not realise at least half the things Haruka never said aloud, and he hadn’t exactly hidden from him who he had spent the last nights before leaving with.

“I don’t need to,” he exhaled.

Makoto frowned.

“Then– I thought you might know more, since you are– _were_ –” he quickly corrected himself, “close to him.”

Something in the way Makoto fidgeted caught Haruka’s attention. “Did something happen?”

As he pronounced those words, something cold and heavy settlesd within his chest.

“Well–” Makoto bit his lip. “I don’t really– There’s nothing official,” he stuttered, “but he’s been missing meetings, apparently; he’s also stopped personally listening to the commoners’ demands…” Makoto let out a sigh. “And then there’re the guards that came here to ask us about you…”

“What?”

“There are rumours, Haru,” Makoto quietly explained. “About the Sultan being sick, of having run away… I don’t know. But truth is nobody has seen him throughout the last days.”

 

 

Rin, Haruka was starting to realise, was the most reliable excuse to not keep his promises.

The thought didn’t stop him in his race to the palace; his heart beat wildly fast, hammering against his ribcage, and it wasn’t only from running. Every beat rang with a single question:

_Where’s Rin?_

_Where’s Rin?_

_Where–_

Nobody stopped Haruka from walking into the palace, even if he received some curious glances by the guards. He instinctively turned towards Rin’s bedroom, not entirely sure what he would fine, but before he could even turn the first corner he heard a growl and found himself pinned to the wall, a big hand grabbing his neck as greenish blue eyes glared at him.

Haruka scratched Sousuke’s hand, with little success.

“What…” he breathed out. The pressure around his throat wasn’t enough to block his airways, but it still hurt. “What are you doing?”

Sousuke snarled.

“Where is Rin?”

Haruka didn’t think twice before kicking Sousuke’s shin with more strength than necessary, taking advantage of his momentary weakness to break free from the man’s grasp.

“I was going to ask you that,” he replied, rubbing at his neck.

“You are the one who should be answering questions,” Sousuke replied, giving his shin a quick rub before straightening up and glaring down at Haruka. “What was with that note?”

Haruka frowned.

“What note?”

He knew, as soon as Sousuke promptly turned around and gestures for him to follow, that he shouldn’t have asked. That it was nothing of his concern, that he could barely be considered the Sultan’s friend anymore.

But Rin wasn’t in the palace. And judging by Sousuke’s behaviour, he didn’t seem to have vanished voluntarily.

Haruka already felt dizzy when Sousuke made him walk into an empty room and looked for something in the drawers of a desk. It didn’t make sense; he had left for Rin to be alright, for his family to be alright– just to stop putting everyone he loved in danger, yet Rin was missing.

“Here.” Sousuke shoved a piece of paper into his hands. “Maybe this will refresh your memory.”

Haruka turned it around to read the letters crafted on black ink, heart stopping for a second when he recognised his own handwriting composing words he had never written:

 

_Meet me at the Tachibanas’ burnt house._

_Haruka._

 

 

 

 


	50. Chapter 50

 

 

 

It was hot.

His mouth felt as if it were full of sand. His lids, glued together, hurt when he managed to part them, a hoarse noise scratching his throat.

He soon found out he should have kept his eyes shut: except for a single ray of clarity cutting through the darkness, he couldn’t discern anything. Remembering they were alive, his fingers slid over what seemed a wooden floor, arms stretching with a groan until his left hand bumped into something undoubtedly vertical and made of wood too.

“H–– Haru…” Rin croaked out.

Remembering why that name had been the first one to come to his mind made his already unbearable headache increase until a wave of nausea rose up his dry throat, making him sit up to gag; the moment it stopped, though, Rin fell back down, head thumping against the wood.

A distressed whimper left his lips as a single thought hammered into his eardrums with every beat of his heart, until his consciousness dissolved into the darkness.

_It wasn’t Haru._

 

 

It was cold.

Even though the old, blue and yellow scarf he had grabbed from his wardrobe was around his neck.

Water was being poured into his mouth before he was fully aware of being awake again.

Rin coughed, tried to spit it despite how dry his insides felt; there was nothing he could do, though, to stop the firm hand holding his jaw in place. Slowly he let the liquid fill his mouth, swallowing as he tried not to wince from the pain the simple gesture caused. The part he didn’t drink fell down his chin, soaking his lap; it was only then that he realised someone had sat him up, back leaning on what seemed the wooden wall he had sensed earlier.

“Do us a favour and behave yourself, Highness.”

Already free from the vice-like grip on his jaw, Rin cringed at the voice. He opened his eyes, but he knew the person who had forcefully made him drink water wasn’t the one who had talked. The place was still pitch black, lit up only by an oil lamp resting next to him, and he couldn’t make out the figure standing where the voice had come from.

“What is this about?” he slurred. He felt sick by the way his words didn’t seem to sound correctly, like there was something wrong with his tongue. “Where’s Haru?”

“Haru… Oh, that boy!” A hollow laughter filled the dark room, making Rin shudder with an odd mixture between fear and a hint of suspicion. “I have no idea. Maybe eavesdropping another conversation he’ll only talk about in a letter.”

Rin froze. His aching head seemed to spin, so fast he needed to close his eyes for a second.

“I threw the letter away,” he hissed.

“And I feel really lucky you didn’t burn it instead. I would’ve never come up with such an easy bait had it not ended in my hands.” Rin frowned. “Now be a good Sultan and eat your food while the adults take over this situation.”

Rin glared for a second at the plate with bread and cheese someone had placed close to him.

“What do you want to do?” he asked again.

He wanted to run when he heard steps walking close to him.

“Isn’t it obvious? Not ending the war. Or did you think your good will would be stronger than the majority of this country’s noblemen’s interests?”

Rin wanted to reply. Maybe throwing himself onto the man, biting his head off and getting out of that place, if he gathered enough strength and his head didn’t melt before. But when the stranger stepped into the illuminated part of the room, only a tiny yelp left his lips.

He knew that face. He knew that nose– He knew that man.

“I’ll make sure you don’t see the sunlight until the day you die.”

Napis laughed again. “You truly resemble your father!” His giggles sounded childish, almost like a child after telling a silly joke. Rin ground his teeth together. “He liked ordering around too much, even when he was in his deathbed– Oh– Watch out, Highnesss.”

Rin bit his tongue as he fell, the metallic taste of blood flooding his mouth. He looked up; Napis hadn’t even stepped back, hadn’t reacted at all by his attempted attack. The Sultan then turned his head around, eyes widening at the sight of a shackle around his left foot that tied him to the wall with a heavy chain.

“As you former doctor, I wouldn’t advise you to do that,” Napis commented, amused. Rin’s hands closed into fists, humiliation painting his cheeks red. “I don’t think you remember drinking it, but what we gave you to make you behave is probably messing with you coordination too.”

“Are you poisoning me too…?” Rin’s voice trembled with helplessness and anger. His whole body did. “Again?”

 _How dare you_ , he wanted to scream. _How dare you treat the Sultan like a dog_.

“It’s not poison.” Napis crouched down, his smile never vanishing. “Like I said, we only want to make this easier for all of us.”

He stood up at the same time the man who had given Rin water grabbed the oil lamp, turning around.

“So, unless you want to spend your kidnapping unconscious and miss the experience, you should consider not behaving like a five year-old.”

For a long while after the door closed Rin laid there, with trembling limbs and and aching head and blood in his mouth, pursing his lips together as he tried not to let the stinging behind his eyelids beat him.

Then he crawled back to the wall, sat up and leant on the wooden surface, trying to take deep breaths; he woudn’t give them that satisfaction, not after the way they were humiliating him. Trying to focus on something else, he bent his left leg, slipped his hands between skin and metal to rub at his sore ankle.

_I need to get out._

 

 

 


	51. Chapter 51

 

 

 

Haruka wasn’t sure what he had expected when Makoto had first told him about Rin, but definitely _not that_.

He had to swear to the Princess –who was substituting Rin– he had spent the last months away, that he had never written anything remotely similar to the note a servant had found the morning after the Sultan disappeared, when she walked into the room and found only a piece of paper laying on the bed.

“Anyway, I don’t think whoever did it wanted to make you look guilty,” Sousuke hummed, pensive. Haruka rubbed at his neck, slightly offended he hadn’t been offered an apology yet. Then again, Sousuke wasn’t the type to do that. “Though with all you know, I wouldn’t be surprised getting rid of you bothered them.”

“Then why–”

“To make him get outside the palace,” Gou interrupted him.

She looked ten years older than the last time Haruka had seen her; her voice sounded tired, and judging by the dark bags under her eyes no amount of makeup could conceal she hadn’t slept since her brother had gone missing.

“But–” Haruka bit his lower lip. He was sure Gou wouldn’t like knowing her father had been poisoned; he had no idea if Rin had told her, but he doubted it would do any good. “If someone was able to leave that note in his bedroom, they could have just caught him here...”

“I don’t think so.” Gou composed a bitter smile. “Since you left– Well, my brother has been a bit… too obsessed with security, giving my mother and me –and even Sousuke– a personal escort, going out only when strictly necessary... He even tried to make me not go out.” She sighed. “He insisted there were more traitors, and he–”

She swallowed, not finishing the sentence, and Haruka wished he could swallow the lump in his throat too as he finally understood what exactly had happened during the last weeks.

Rin had been so obsessed with keeping the people he loved close he had lost himself somewhere along the way.

 

 

According to the Princess, whoever had kidnapped Rin had political reasons to do so, reasons the kidnappers would soon let them know; it had been almost a week since the Sultan had disappeared. Sousuke had a few suspicions, and most of them agreed with Haruka’s own opinions about the matter.

Haruka had other ideas, too, a different train of thought whose existence he didn’t want to admit, not even to himself.

Using the Sultan to have the royal family wrapped around the kidnappers’ little fingers was one thing; but there was also de posibility of someone not wanting a Sultan anymore, and that idea was terrible enough to freeze Haruka’s blood.

So he refused to say it aloud. If he didn’t put it into words, it wouldn’t be real.

Sousuke found Haruka some hours after they talked, sitting on the marbled floor of the natatorium with his feet swinging into the water.

“So...”

Haruka didn’t look up. Sousuke cleared his throat.

“I was wondering if you will help, or just leave again.”

“Wasn’t leaving what you wanted me to do the last time you talked to me?”

Sousuke sighed.

“I guess.”

“I’ll stay until we find Rin,” Haruka mumbled, dipipng a hand into the water.

It shouldn’t be his business anymore; but Haruka would be damned if he left Rin alone again. He remembered the stranger he had met in the neighbouring city some weeks ago, remembered he had been the one to plant that seed with a letter before leaving.

He wanted to make sure Rin was alright, even if it wasn’t the same Rin he had fallen in love with.

“Have you heard what Rin had been doing lately?” Sousuke asked cautiously.

“Torturing people?”

Sousuke kept silent for some seconds.

“Besides that. He made some progress with all this marriage thing, and–”

Sousuke trailed off when Ryuugazaki stormed into the natatorium, startling both him and Haruka. The guard bowed and then, breathless, choked out:

“The Princess wants to talk to both of you. It seems there are news about his Highness.”

 

 

 


	52. Chapter 52

 

 

 

Rin had long since lost track of time.

He had lost many things since the night he had been too stupid to use his head for a second and got carried away, the night he carelessly ran out the palace without thinking, for a second, about how seeing _him_ was the last thing Haruka wanted to do.

He didn’t know how many days he’d been in that dark room anymore; only the thin ray of light filtering through a tiny hole in the wooden wall gave the sun away, but the Sultan couldn’t know how long he slept when he dozed off.

And he wasn’t going to ask.

The Sultan had also lost weight; despite the food placed within his reach, he had been too proud to touch it the first days. His stubbornness faded away when feeling lightheaded became common; but whenever he gave into the anger he quickly stopped, his mind racing through all the poisons he knew, and kicked the plate away to resist the temptation.

And Rin was losing his mind, too. His position was humiliating, and his behaviour was even worse; despite his reluctance to eat, he had never before spent more than an hour without eating when he was hungry. Shame stung behind his eyelids when he let himself forget his pride, forget the fear of drugging himself. He had worried so much about complex plots to overthrow him he had never really thought about how he was utterly useless at most basic tasks, like controlling himself to _not eat_ , no matter how hungry he was.

Rin thought about Haruka, about how he hadn’t hesitated to starve himself for Ran’s sake.

 _He’s incredible_ , he thought whenever he gave in and ate.

It didn’t help that Rin’s captors were his only company, and they only appeared for a short while to leave him food and water or, in Napis’ case, to shatter his sanity further with his taunts.

It wasn’t as if Rin hadn’t _tried_ to get away. Despite barely eating, he had thoroughly sought something useful between his food, had inspected the shackle around his ankle with the little sunlight he had. He had tried twisting his foot in ways he didn’t know he could so he could release it from the shackle, had broken a plate by hitting it against the cold metal at some point out of sheer desperation.

And he had only succeeded in hurting his ankle, in having his whole body immobilised by that man as Napis inspected the wounds and threatened with making Rin sleep for a whole week.

Rin hadn’t dared eating since then. He didn’t think _then_ had been long ago, though, because he still felt more or less well.

He didn’t open his eyes when he heard steps getting closer; it was nighttime, so it would be useless.

“Highness, you should eat.”

The broken nail of the Sultan’s index finger was idly fumbling with the shackle keyhole, even though Rin already knew he wouldn’t achieve anything.

“And you should be rotting in a dungeon.”

Napis chuckled.

“You are in a similar situation right now, so getting something in your stomach would make it better,” he commented. “I already said we’re not planning to murder you.”

Rin opened his eyes. The room was dark, but he made Napis’ silhouette out against the little light coming from the door.

“Why are you so fixated on the war?” The words stumbled out his mouth before he could stop them. “You could just find a way to take advantage of any other situation. You’re clever enough for that.”

Unconsciously, Rin pressed his back further against the wall when he heard Napis approaching. He held his breath, for some reason more scared than when he had first awoken in that dark place.

“You are so naïve, Highness.”

Rin instinctively slapped Napis’ hand away when it reached for his face.

“It won’t work,” he hissed. “My sister won’t accept it.”

“Of course she will.” Napis concealed the irritation at Rin’s gesture. “I’ve seen you both growing up; she would hand the whole country to me if she made sure you are alright that way.”

“You haven’t answered,” Rin growled.

“And I won’t.” Napis sighed. “But in case you were curious, your spy didn’t lie in that letter. The person I was talking to when he eavesdropped left the palace the same day your father died.” He didn’t move when Rin gasped. “Now eat.”

Rin had the pleasure of seeing Napis trip over the chain before he walked out, but he didn’t have the strength to laugh.

Only when he was alone in the darkness again, curling up and hiding his nose behind Haruka’s scarf to protect his airways from the cold, he replayed the incident in his head; and for the first time since he had been kidnapped he had a specific idea about how he would get out of there.

 

 

 


	53. Chapter 53

 

 

 

The content of the letter was as clear as the note someone had took the time to make it pass as Haruka’s the night Rin had disappeared.

“Why is everyone so fixated on the war?” Gou exhaled, running her fingers through her long hair. “There are representatives already discussing the ceasefire; this is pointless.”

“Plus, it’s not very noble attacking people you are trying to make up with,” Sousuke added. He sighed. “Starting another war would be more intelligent, if they want to keep illegally importing things.”

“Yet they’ll hurt Rin if we don’t agree to their terms,” Gou mumbled, eyes darting towards the dark red lock of hair that had come attached to the letter, that now laid on a low table. There was no doubt it belonged to Rin; thinking about what else the kidnappers could take from the Sultan sent a shiver down Haruka’s spine.

“Maybe…”

Haruka, who hadn’t spoken since he read the letter, who still held it in his hands, raised his head at Sousuke’s pensive tone.

“What if it’s something that can’t wait?”

Haruka frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Sousuke started, “that those guys only resorted to violence when they felt cornered. At least against Rin,” he added when Haruka opened his mouth to reply. “Though it’s logical they wanted to get rid of you when they realised how much he relied on you.”

Gou walked towards her friend. “So?”

Sousuke huffed. “Think about it, Gou. Your father’s… _illness_ started when he started being stubborn about ending the war. Rin was poisoned when the Shiginos came to talk about everything going on in the borders. And now most traitors are in jail, Rin had sent representatives to reach an agreement about the ceasefire… Not to mention the changes in the marriage tradition. Many people don’t like it.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“That it’s not just about money,” Haruka whispered before Sousuke had the chance, the realisation finally dawning on him. “It’s about something they have to do _now_.”

Gou covered her face with her hands, groaned into her palms before resuming walking in circles.

“They are bringing something here. Something important. That’s why they don’t want controls…” She bit into her lower lip. “But why is it so important?”

Haruka looked down at the letter again, as if the words were going to rearrange themselves to form an answer if he stared hard enough. He couldn’t, not when there was a more urgent question running in circles in his head.

_Where is Rin?_

“How did the letter arrive here?”

Gou stopped abruptly.

“How…” She trailed off, taken aback by the question. “It appeared on my brother’s bed. A servant found it when he walked in to clean the room up.”

Haruka nibbled on his lower lip. That wasn’t a good hint. Anyone could have snuck into the palace, from very different places. And the guards had already looked for Rin in the traitors’ houses, as well as their friends’; Haruka didn’t think Rin was in the city, otherwise they would… They…

_We…_

_We went there_.

Haruka probably made some sort of noise, because when he looked up again he found both the Princess and Sousuke looking at him, mildly worried.

“The oases,” he blurted out, thinking about the little remnants of life among the desert. “Have you–”

Sousuke snorted.

“Do you think we’re dumb here? Of course we’ve looked there. It was our first idea when Rin went missing.”

“Which ones did you go to?”

Gou tilted her head. “All that appear in the maps,” he answered. “Rei probably knows more about it, since he was the one in charge to send men to the different oases.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Haruka heard himself mumble, feet already carrying him towards the door.

He knew not all oases appeared in the maps. He had been to at least one of them that didn’t; placing them was difficult, and they often got mistaken for others more known. But he remembered clearly his father’s words when he had learnt to swim, remembered one oasis that nobody else knew about.

Gods, he had taken Rin there once, on the day of his fifteenth birthday.

He knew the chance of being right was low, but it was better than sitting and waiting for a miracle to happen, for Rin to come back.

Haruka understood now that wouldn’t happen. Rin was too far away to find the way back home by himself.

So Haruka would take his hand and show him the path, and walk it with the Sultan.

 

 

 


	54. Chapter 54

 

 

 

Rin would have only one chance.

He knew he had pushed his luck almost too far the day he had hurt his ankle, knew there wouldn’t be more warnings from Napis; and the Sultan was already kidnapped, hungry, thirsty and probably losing his mind, but he didn’t want to add _drugged_ to his condition.

He was shaking when he heard steps outside the dark room; he had moved around so the chain was strategically tensed when Napis walked in, and he held Haruka’s scarf in his hands, nose burrowed into the worn fabric. Haruka probably didn’t want to know a thing about him, but there was something soothing about the scent impregnating every thread.

He knew, in theory, what he had to do. He had even allowed himself to drink some water after thoroughly inspecting it and wanting to believe it was just water. There were many things he didn’t know, and the first of all was his current location; but he didn’t want to worry about that so soon.

“Good afternoon, Highness.” Napis’ mocking tone masked the creaking of the door as it opened.  There was another room there, Rin supposed, for no sunlight filtered from the entrance. “I see you have been walking around,” he noted, and Rin’s heart dropped. “That’s good. Being still for too long is bad for the body.”

Rin gritted his teeth. From his position he couldn’t see Napis’ expression, not with the single ray of light piercing the room, but he knew he had been caught.

“Shouldn’t you try to make me trip on the chain?” Napis continued, an amused smile evident in his voice. “Come on, try something. It’s too boring when you’re so predictable.”

“I’m going to kill you,” Rin hissed, fingers curling around Haruka’s scarf until his muscles hurt.

Napis clicked his tongue.

“That’s not what a good sultan would say,” he chastised. “Threatening your subjects doesn’t exactly makes them like you, you know?” He walked towards Rin, hopped over the chain with a little laugh before crouching down a bit. “Who would guess _I_ am the bad guy?”

Rin frowned.

“Huh?”

“Highness, don’t be naïve. You tortured people, you’re threatening with killing me now. What makes you think you are better than me?”

Rin paled.

“What?” He tried to keep his voice from trembling, with little success. “You talk as if you didn’t kill my father and tried to kill me. Your friends almost killed Haru and now you have me here… You’re rotten.”

To his surprise, Napis laughed again.

“Do you really want to know, kid?” Rin’s cheeks heated up; he had always hated not being taken into account for his age. “I… Well, and ‘my friends’ too… We have only ever gone after three people, the three we wanted out of our sight.” Rin gritted his teeth together. “On the other hand, you’re but a child; a child that tortures people out of a _suspicion_ , tells everyone what to do and believes to have the right to; because those lives don’t matter as much as his, do they?

“You fell lower than I ever will long ago.”

Rin wasn’t really aware of what happened next. He acted too fast for his mind to register it all.

His left foot shoot forwards and kicked Napis’ shin, hand reaching out when the doctor lost his balance, grabbing his clothes and pulling them down to the floor. He found himself on top of Napis, saw a fist landing on his face, then hands that _must_ have been his sneaking Haruka’s scarf around the man’s neck. He pulled at the ends, ignoring the nails scratching his arms, and pulled, and _pulled_ –

Until the sickening sounds coming from Napis’ throat died down, and Rin found himself screaming because the doctor’s words kept repeating over and over within his mind.

_A child that tortures people out of a suspicion._

_Those lives don’t matter as much as his._

_Who would guess I am the bad guy?_

_You fell lower than I ever will._

_You fell lower–_

_You fell–_

Rin was shaking as he got off Napis’ immobile form, as his hands searched for something between the folds of the doctor’s clothes. His stomach lurched when he found a key; the water he had drunk spilt over the wooden floor before he gathered the strength to open the shackle and slide his foot free.

He then looked at Napis’ still silhouette, laying on the floor, and felt the need to throw up again.

_I…_

He had killed him. Rin had killed a person with his own hands.

“No,” he mumbled, vision blurry with tears. “He deserved it,” he breathed out, scrambling to his feet as the scarf tangled in his wrists. His father… Haruka… Rin hadn’t done anything wrong; Napis had. “You deserved it!”

Napis didn’t move. Dead people had that habit.

Rin choked out a sob and stumbled towards the door, his breathing hitching with each step. He wanted to curl up on the spot and never move again, but he also wanted to get as far from the corpse as possible– and he supposed he could wait a bit to fulfil his first wish.

A yelp broke through his lips when he opened the other door and daylight burnt his eyes. More tears flowed from them, even though Rin hid his face in the worn scarf, took his time to gradually look around again. The closeness of twilight probably had something with how quickly his eyes grew used to the light.

Squinting his irritated eyes, Rin recognised he was in some sort of oasis. He made his way towards the lake, fell on his knees and used his hands to gather water to drink, to wash the tears and the sweat off his face; he even poured a little over the wounds in his ankle, and for a second he forgot about his situation, about Napis, about everything; for a moment he was just glad he had escaped.

Then he remembered the other man. He would probably arrive soon; Rin didn’t want to be there when he found out Napis was dead. He wrapped the scarf around his neck, swayed to the end of the oasis; he only hesitated for a second before walking into the desert, into the dunes the setting sun painted red.

The Sultan didn’t have any idea where he was going, nor was he worried about it at that moment.

He was despicable, but he was free.

Free from murderers that had treated him better than he had treated his prisoners.

Rin clutched Haruka’s scarf close, but it did nothing to calm him down.

He had used that piece of clothing to kill a person.

He was worse than them.

 

 

 


	55. Chapter 55

 

 

 

Twenty soldiers and Sousuke, guided by Haruka, left the palace at twilight; they were silent most of the way, torches illuminating their path when night caught up with them.

When he had taken Rin there, they hadn’t needed any sort of illumination; but that night there was no moon and there were many people; it would be a problem if they got lost in a place that didn’t exist in maps. So Haruka, despite not liking the idea of announcing their arrival in the case there was someone in the oasis, bit his tongue and grabbed the camel’s reins tighter.

By his side, Sousuke just looked down.

Haruka had an approximate idea of what he was thinking about. If Rin wasn’t there, there would be no way to find him.

 

 

Pinpointing any difference between then and the last time Haruka had been in the oasis was hard in the dark. The light from his torch didn’t reach far and he had to get off his camel and walk through the whole place when the soldiers split up; in the end it was Sousuke who spotted it first.

“Is that the place you came to cry to when you were a kid?”

Haruka forgot to glare at him when he saw the little wooden hut. His heart sped up as he automatically took a step towards the humble building.

“That wasn’t there.”

Sousuke grabbed his elbow to keep him from further advancing.

“Let the soldiers,” he mumbled before calling them.

It turned out they had news, too.

“We’ve found a man near the lake; he tried to hide the camel he came in and denies knowing where his Highness is. The younger Mikoshiba swears he’s seen the guy working in the palace, though.”

Unlike Sousuke, who quickly made his way to the shore, Haruka stood before the hut as two soldiers walked in. It didn’t take them long, though, before getting out again. Haruka’s breath caught in his throat when he saw one of them carrying a limp body.

“It’s–”

“It’s not the Sultan,” the soldier interrupted him; but Haruka had already approached them, desperate to recognise Rin in those features.

He jumped back, the hand that wasn’t holding the torch covering his mouth in horror.

“Napis?!”

After the initial shock, Haruka swallowed down and inspected the man’s features; his face was covered in blue and purple splotches, dark bruises all over his neck. He had his eyes opened, but all Haruka could see between his eyelids was white. It was obvious what whoever had attacked him had done. He was breathing, though, an eerie whistling accompanying every inhale and exhale; the noise was painful to hear.

And Haruka didn’t know how he was supposed to react, what he was supposed to _feel_ ; but the moment Napis blinked and his gaze focused for a second many things started to make sense. He knew now, without a trace of doubt, they had arrived to the right oasis.

Yet Rin wasn’t there.

Only a soldier who was faster than him prevented Haruka from wrapping his hands around Napis’ abused neck. He growled, struggled to break free, to get to Napis and make him talk.

“Where is Rin?” he hissed. Of course, Napis didn’t answer.

It was scary; Haruka had never, for a second, felt happy about what Rin had been doing to the traitors; he had never wanted revenge as much as he had wished for some sort of jusice. Yet the sight of the man who had almost killed Rin, who had threatened him and been responsible for Ren’s blindness, before him, _daring_ be vulnerable after what he had done was enough to ignite all the fear and the anger within Haruka.

“I doubt he’ll be able to speak for a while,” the soldier carrying the doctor stated, apologetic. His voice rang too loud in Haruka’s ears; it was enough for him to blink and look around, regaining a semblance of self-control as he reasoned the soldier’s words were true.

No matter the damage, Napis wouldn’t speak. He couldn’t.

“Nanase.” Haruka turned his head and saw Sousuke walking towards them, a few more soldiers following him. Sousuke’s eyes widened when he, too, recognised Napis. “Oh.”

Haruka struggled to break free from the soldier grabbing him. While this time he was able to, he was slightly pushed far from Napis and some cautious gazes landed on him.

“What?”

Sousuke’s gaze returned to Haruka.

“Rin was here. That guy and this asshole had him in the hut for days… But he escaped. By foot, since the only camel here is the one the servant rode here; I guess they did it that way so Rin thought twice before walking into the desert… which he apparently didn’t.”

Haruka looked briefly at Napis. All his anger had vanished so quickly he felt lightheaded for a second.

So Rin was responsible for that?

Rin had attacked Napis?

On one hand, Haruka couldn’t help the pride bubbling up his chest. Rin was no damsel in distress; he had found a way to escape by himself, not thinking about the consequences, just about breaking free.

On the other hand, though, the fact that Rin had been able to hurt someone to that extent scared Haruka. There was a line between need and viciousness, and the Sultan had crossed it; what Napis had survived wasn’t a desperate escape, but a murder attempt. Rin had almost strangled him to death.

 _He didn’t mean to_ , he told himself. Maybe Rin had acted on impulse, like Haruka only moments ago. _Rin isn’t like that_.

But which Rin? Haruka trusted _his_ Rin to not be able to hurt a fly, but he didn’t know a thing about the stranger the Sultan had turned into.

 _He isn’t like that_ , Haruka insisted.

Not being able to believe it was terrifying. With every new thing he found out, the Rin he remembered seemed further than before; but he wasn’t afraid of him.

He was afraid _for_ Rin.

There were also more urgent matters to be considered, and Haruka found thinking about them easier than dealing with his swirling thoughts.

Rin wasn’t in the oasis. No matter in which direction he had left; there was nothing but desert surrounding that little patch of life. Haruka wasn’t sure whether he feared more the freezing nights or the scorching days, but Rin was out there experiencing the former and if they didn’t find him he’d learn about the latter too.

“We have to find him.”

Haruka gritted his teeth when three soldiers shook their head along with Sousuke at his words.

“It’s too dark; we’d have to split up, and we would get lost.”

“He can’t have gone too far,” Haruka quickly replied. “And if we call him, he might hear us–”

“And so can bandits, and these traitors’ friends,” the Prince’s best friend muttered. “We don’t know how many of them there are.” He looked as desolated as Haruka felt. “We’ll have to wait until dawn.”

 

 

 


	56. Chapter 56

 

 

 

Rin was lost.

He could tell that much; he hadn’t thought about where he wanted to go, hadn’t thought about _anything_ when he had stumbled into the desert. His only wish had been finding somewhere far enough to forget he had killed a person, somewhere he could undo what he had done, reverse what he had become.

There was no such place. He could run away from Napis’ corpse, could even find someone who had no idea who he was; but he couldn’t get rid of himself.

He had fallen asleep at the base of a dune, shivering in the thin robe he had worn on his sister’s birthday, Haruka’s scarf not doing nearly enough to protect him from the cold. At dawn he couldn’t remember what he had dreamt of, but a persistent headache clung to his skull; not to mention the memories that didn’t want to let him go. He had started walking out of desperation, hoping to drown his screaming mind in physical exertion.

Rin had no way to know whether he was walking in circles; besides the fact that everything in the desert looked the same, the wind was strong enough to erase his footprints, getting into his eyes. He refused to let go of Haruka’s scarf, though; it soon became damp with the Sultan’s sweat (it didn’t take long for the fabric to dry off, though), but there was something comforting about it. Maybe it was the blue reminding Rin that there was (there _had to be_ ) something beyond the neverending dunes, beyond a sky so pale it had lost its colour. Besides, he would need it when night came.

Rin was barely aware of the stinging of his shoulders; by the time he noticed his skin was burnt it hurt so much moving his arms tore yelps of pain off him. He attempted to use the scarf to protect himself from the sun, but after the wind almost took it away from him he stopped trying. He didn’t want to lose it.

The Sultan calculated it was mid-afternoon when he saw something on the horizon.

Letting out a relieved cry, he hurried; the city was still far, but he wanted to make it there before sunset. He supposed he wouldn’t have any problem; his red hair was distinctive enough to not mistake him for anyone else, nobody would have the slightest doubt he was the Sultan. As he limped towars the city, sand getting in his sandals and burning his feet, Rin licked his lips; he cringed at how dry they felt.

But it didn’t matter. He only had to focus on getting to the city; the rest would come afterwars. He might not be used to any of that, but Rin wasn’t that weak yet.

Yes, he’d show them… They would see with their own eyes, and then nobody would have any doubt about–

Rin stopped that train of thought.

He squinted at the city again. It didn’t appear to be any closer.

The Sultan frowned; he was sure he had walked, and now he had a reference to know he had done so in a more or less straight line.

 _Maybe it’s just really far_ , he mused.

He cried out when he took the next step and his foot had nowhere to land on. Rin closed his eyes as he rolled down the slope, the burning sand scratching his aching skin. He only dared look around when he registered he had stopped moving.

He had fallen down the steepest slope of a dune, and he had gotten sand everywhere. Rin didn’t even dare touch his shoulders; he scrambled to his feet, turning on his heels to search the city and keep walking.

Only there was no city.

It had been _there_ , in front of him, merely moments ago; for a second Rin considered the idea it was behind the dune he had just fallen from, but he knew that wasn’t true. The city had just vanished the second Rin had stopped looking.

Or maybe it had never existed. Maybe Rin had imagined it all along.

He let out a distressed whimper. Was he going insane?

Rin had no way to know, but he had to keep walking; even though he didn’t have a clear goal anymore, he couldn’t just stay there. He needed to find a place to go, one that wasn’t a mirage, one where he could rest and drink some water.

He could have walked for hours or months; he didn’t know how long he had spent moving in the scorching nothingness when something changed. This time it wasn’t a city, though; and despite recognising it, the Sultan doubted it was another mirage.

For a second, Rin wondered if the heat had fried his brain.

But he didn’t have long to dwell on it. He could barely drop on the sand and curl into himself before the sandstorm reached him.

 

 

 


	57. Chapter 57

 

 

 

Haruka had awoken the soldiers at dawn.

Unsurprisingly, Sousuke had been the first one to help him; dark bags dulled the life out of his greenish eyes, and Haruka supposed he himself didn’t look much better than the Sultan’s best friend. He hadn’t slept a wink, hadn’t been able to drift off knowing Rin was somewhere out there, cold and alone.

The soldiers split up in groups of two and took off from the oasis in different directions, were told to get back to the city in two days no matter the result of their search; all except four of them, who took Napis and the other man to the palace, where they would be treated and interrogated the moment Napis was recovered enough. Haruka was glad Sousuke wasn’t paired up with him, but soon he had more urgent things in mind.

Riding their camels, he and his companion, an enthusiastic redhaired man called Mikoshiba, zigzagged away from the oasis, hoping to cover more ground that way; however, all they saw were sand and dunes; and the wind announcing a sandstorm erased any trace of footprint they could have otherwise used to find Rin.

Haruka would have killed for being able to keep searching, but Mikoshiba didn’t let him wander off alone when the sandstorm arrived. They set up a tent and waited inside, and Haruka hugged his legs and hid his face between his knees, shrinking into himself at the sound of sand hitting the fabric. They would have to spend the night there, and for all they knew Rin could be still by himself.

A wave of anger hit Haruka at that. Why couldn’t Rin have just stayed at the oasis? Having been raised in the palace shouldn’t have made him so _stupid_ ; he surely _knew_ the desert was dangerous, right?

Deep down, Haruka could understand what had driven Rin to wander into the desert, and it made him want to hit his head against the closest hard surface.

 

 

It was still nighttime when the sandstorm died down, but Haruka walked out the tent and got on his camel anyway. Waking Mikoshiba up would be a waste of time; besides, he was certain he would be able to find his way back to the oasis, to the city; and he had enough food and water for at least a week.

He would have to head back at sunset, anyway.

When the sun appeared on the horizon tired blue eyes surveyed the sand, hoping to see a figure walking, laying on the ground at the feet of a dune, _anything_ to assure him Rin was close, where Haruka could find him.

He only resorted to call him aloud at midday; _Rin, Rin, Rin_ got lost between the dunes, like a song Haruka had heard Mrs. Tachibana sing to the twins when they were little, but not once a single sound other than the whisper of the wind returned his calls.

And then, as Haruka rubbed his eyes, irritated from the heat and the excess of light, he spotted something different.

It barely disrupted the soft slope of a dune, but it was there. A lump covered in sand; and it could have been a rock, but Haruka hadn’t seen any stone bigger than a grape for the whole day, not in that part of the desert.

Haruka almost fell down his camel when he got closer; he lost his balance when his feet hit the floor, anyway. But he didn’t mind; every step sunk him to the ankles in sand, and when he saw a blue piece of fabric staring at him he briefly forgot how to breathe.

Haruka kneeled on the ground, dug with his hands around the cloth; he barely registered that it looked familiar, that he had worn that scarf many times around his neck. He let out a yelp when he sunk his hands into the sand and touched something solid and undeniably warmer.

It took him roughly ten seconds to unbury the body enough to see a painfully familiar mop of red hair, and it was only then that he noticed the way his lips formed the same word over and over again, as a kind of prayer for the motionless man to hear.

 _Rin, please_ , got stuck in Haruka’s throat.

 _Please be alive_.

 

 

 


	58. Chapter 58

 

 

 

Was it possible to hear mirages?

Rin didn’t know.

Rin didn’t know, but he _was_ listening to someone repeat his name over and over again; and it was a voice too raspy, too imperfect to belong to a God.

Not that Rin actually had any idea how the Gods sounded.

Something cool made its way into Rin’s heart when the voice shaped into something he recognised, easing the scorching fever for some moments, soothing his tortured soul. Instinctively he tried to move, to get rid of the wall of sand separating him from the surface of the desert; but it was too hard and he was too tired and the world was too hot.

So he waited as his conscience came and went, trying to at least make some noise. He managed to let out a strained hiss when fingers brushed his irritated shoulder, red and hot and with blisters forming on it, but he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes when he was turned around, the agony where those hands touched his burnt skin bringing him closer to the black nothingness inconscience would bring. Rin did, however, cry out in pain when sunlight hit his face; only the sand in his mouth muffled the sound.

“Can you hear me?” the voice called, trembling. “Rin?” Rin let out a whimper that could have meant _yes_ in some language. “Wait a second.”

Rin whined; he didn’t know what was happening but the mere idea of being alone terrified him. Thankfully his saviour didn’t take long; soon he was holding his upper half up again, something fresh and undeniably wet leaning on Rin’s chapped lips.

“Don’t swallow it,” the voice ordered, pouring water into his mouth. “Spit it with the sand.”

Obeying was hard. The water was fresh and tasted better than anything Rin had ever had in his mouth, and he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this thirsty, if he had ever. But the person Rin didn’t dare call, even in his head, turned his to the side; and with the water and the sand came a fit of coughs that left the Sultan breathless, struggling to use his lungs when he felt his mouth empty again.

“Here.”

Rin managed to bring his hand to the one pouring water into his mouth, grabbed that wrist tight enough to find a pulse. He couldn’t know whether that was real, but if he was going insane his mind was putting a lot of effort into the trick.

He didn’t open his eyes, though. If he did, the mirage might disappear like the other ones had, and he would find himself alone again, half-buried in sand.

And he had already lost Haruka too many times.

So Rin only leant into his chest, praying for the mirage to stay.

“That’s mine,” Haruka suddenly said; and curiosity was enough for Rin to forget his purpose, to glance at the long scarf half-wrapped around himself.

Rin’s breath hitched, making him almost choke on the water. Haruka quickly pulled back, and Rin felt the arms around him growing tense as a dry sob left his lips. He was too dehydrated to cry, but not to forget what he had done.

“Sorry… ’m sorry. Sorry, sorry, I’m– Haru, I’m so sorry…”

Rin’s incoherent apologies were abruptly cut off when rough lips landed on his heating, sunburnt forehead, when strong arms pulled him into a tight hug. He grabbed Haruka’s wrist tighter, praying for him to not leave again.

“It’s alright, Rin,” Haruka muttered; and the Sultan looked up on instinct, found those blue eyes glowing despite the tiredness clinging to the bags under them. “You’re safe now.”

“I’m here.”

He could be a mirage for all Rin knew; but he was the most beautiful mirage Rin had ever seen, so he let Haruka’s words soothe him until he lost himself to exhaustion.

 

 

 


	59. Chapter 59

 

 

 

It was late when Haruka arrived in the palace.

He had managed to get Rin on the camel, safely secured between his arms. The Sultan had awoken three times, his body uncomfortably hot against Haruka even after the sun sank behind the neverending dunes. Haruka had made him drink water during all of them, had poured a bit over his burning skin hoping it would cool him off.

He helped the Sultan get off the camel, helped carry him to the infirmary, stood close to his bed until an angry nurse kicked him out mumbling something ununderstandable but undeniably angry. Wandered towards the natatorium, swam in the pool until he couldn’t move and his muscles ached.

It wasn’t until then that he stopped running away from the thoughts that had tortured him in the long hours he had spent coming back with Rin.

During the last days, he had been too busy worrying about Rin, looking for him; thinking about anything else would have been impossible. Rin was missing, kidnapped and _not well_ and Haruka had forgotten everything, focused solely on getting Rin back, on not losing him a second time.

But now, Rin was safe. He was being taken care of, he would be alright once his fever lowered and his sunburnt skin healed. Napis had been caught, and even if Rin had changed his mind about his interrogation methods the doctor would be forced to confess as soon as he was recovered enough. Everything would be alright, life would go back to normal and Haruka would leave again; and this time he would make sure not to know anything about Rin wherever he went in order not to have any reason to come back.

He was so _tired_.

He flinched when heavy steps echoed in the natatorium as the first rays of sun entered through its high windows. Sousuke stopped two metres away from the pool, and thankfully didn’t crouch to be closer to Haruka’s level.

“What do you want?”

Sousuke exhaled softly through his nose. He didn’t seem to have slept a wink either.

“First, Mikoshiba is angry you disobeyed him. I doubt you’ll get in trouble, though, since you found Rin.” He ran a hand through his short hair.

“Secondly, you should go see him.”

Haruka frowned. “See who?”

“Rin. He’s not exactly lucid yet, but I think you being there might be good.”

Haruka had gotten out the pool when Sousuke first mentioned Rin and was putting his clothes on, but his gestures came to a halt when he registered the other’s remark.

“Since when do you think _I_ can be good for Rin?”

When the silence persisted Haruka resumed getting dressed, and he walked towards the door without adding anything else, convinced Sousuke wouldn’t speak.

“That was the third point,” came the deep voice when Haruka had put a foot outside the room. “Thank you.”

 

 

During the ride back to the palace, Haruka had thought about not getting there. About taking Rin somewhere else, somewhere he wasn’t any different from the commoners. About finding a doctor who brought Rin back to his feet and leaving to somewhere even further away, a place far enough to not be recognised, but still close enough so people didn’t think bad of two men holding hands.

But he… couldn’t really do that, could he?

He couldn’t strip Rin off his family, off his identity, only because he wanted the Sultan to himself. He wasn’t that selfish; and he sure as hell wouldn’t even dream of doing any of that without knowing how Rin felt about it.

Part of him regretted it even when he knocked at Rin’s bedroom’s door, even when the Princess’ oddly soft voice told him to walk in.

But when he stepped into the Sultan’s chambers, when Haruka took in the sight before his eyes, he knew, for a fleeting second, he had made the right choice.

For once, the canopy was nowhere in sight. Both Rin’s mother and sister were sitting on one side of the mattress, talking in quiet whispers between them. Gou looked up, gestured for Haruka to get closer.

Rin laid on his stomach on the bed, shoulders, arms and upper back red and covered in blisters that looked rather painful. A slick oilment had been spread over the burnt skin, making it glitter in the morning light; his face looked no better, contorted in pain as words Haruka couldn’t make out slipped past his lips. He was on the covers, and when Haruka looked at him closer he noticed how swollen his left ankle was; a wave of anger made its way through his chest when he remembered the shackle and the chain they had found in the hut at the oasis.

“How is he?”

The Sultan’s mother ran her fingers through Rin’s hair, stoping at the wet cloth draped over his nape.

“He has desert sickness,” she answered, not looking away from her son. “But his heart is ill, too… My poor boy, he wanted to help us so badly he almost drowned his own soul.” Rin whispered something and his mother leant down to hear him. “What is it, darling?”

Gou leant down too; half a second later she had jumped to her feet and was tugging at her mother’s hand.

“You need to rest,” she explained. “And he’ll be with Haruka, so it’ll be fine.”

Something clutched at Haruka’s heart when Gou winked at him as she pushed her mother out the room. He sat on the edge of the bed, bit his lower lip when Rin’s barely open eyes fixed on his.

“Good morning,” he greeted. Rin merely blinked, as if he hadn’t understood his words. If the heat radiating off him was to be taken into account, Rin’s temperature was too high for him to even be completely awake. “Do you feel any better?”

Rin blinked again; for minutes, the silence was broken only by their breathing. It reminded Haruka of the days after the Sultan’s poisoning.

Then Rin looked away.

“Your scarf,” he croaked out, hands closing into fists. His voice was so feeble he sounded about to lose it. “Sorry.”

Haruka sighed softly, wondering why Rin was so stubborn about apologising.

“It’s alright. I forgot it.” He looked around, looking for it; but Rin shook his head furiously, groaning at the dizziness the sudden move brought. “What is it?”

“I killed,” Rin whimpered, and a single tear made its way down his cheek. “With it. I killed Napis.”

Haruka was confused only for a brief second; then his eyes widened in understanding.

“You didn’t kill anyone. Napis is alive–”

But Rin shook his head again. “I wanted to,” he whispered, his eyes watering again. “He said the truth and I– I–” His breath hitched. “I’m so sorry, Haru. I’m worse than them… But please, don’t–” The Sultan was visibly struggling for air. “Just don’t hate me more…”

Seeing Rin push through his fever, through the pain from his burns and the confusion all of it was pushing on his shoulders; hearing the desperation in his voice as he fought to put so many things into words and ended up succeeding on hurting himself– all of it fell on Haruka with the definiteness of a mortal wound, made breathing difficult for him, too, realising the distress consuming the man laying next to him.

And Haruka had never been one to lie, much less to sugarcoat the truth; but he felt like throwing up because he had been too caught up in his self-pity to even _think_ about what he had done to Rin. So he did the only thing he could.

He laid down next to Rin, grabbed his arms and pulled at them, and couldn’t help a smile at Rin’s surprised gasp when his exhausted body landed on Haruka’s, head leaning on Haruka’s chest.

“Rin,” he muttered, sighing as he felt Rin’s hands clutch his clothes, kissing his sweaty red hair. “Now you need to rest, but listen to me for a moment, because I won’t say it twice. Alright?”

It took some seconds for Rin to lightly nod, and some more for Haruka to will his crazy heartbeat slower.

“I don’t hate you.”

 

 

 


	60. Chapter 60

 

 

 

Rin’s sleep was light and interrupted.

Whenever he awoke he feared Haruka had gotten tired and left, called blindly his name until a hand grabbed his, fingers combed his hair or a kiss brushed his temple. At times hands applied something cool on his burnt shoulders; others he found himself turned over, water falling on his lips; and part of him feared someone was forcefully holding him still and sometimes he retreated and the cool liquid fell on his lap, but most times Haruka’s soft orders kept him grounded to a reality where his kidnapping was over, where he was no longer wandering on the desert.

When he opened his eyes to the sun setting and a figure laying next to him, Rin could tell the fog in his mind had almost vanished. He sat up and knelt on the mattress cautiously, holding his head; it still felt heavy and he didn’t want his thoughts to wander off again. The Sultan looked at his right, where Haruka was curled up on his side, soundly asleep.

He looked like he needed it, so Rin crawled towards the bedside table and took a glass of water himself, grimacing at the pain from his shoulders and back and not daring look at the sunburns. He made his way back to his spot and laid on his stomach again, content with staring at Haruka’s sleeping face.

He was really there.

 

 

Rin was about to doze off again when Haruka awoke.

It was dark by then. Haruka sat up quickly, looking around frantically until his eyes landed on Rin. A small smile appeared on his lips, as if he had noticed Rin felt better now.

“Are you thirsty?” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes.

“I had water myself,” Rin replied; his voice still sounded hoarse. He closed his eyes, listened to their breathing as Haruka laid down again. “By the way…”

Haruka didn’t speak, so Rin had to take a deep breath before saying what he wanted.

“Did you mean it?”

He opened his eyes. Haruka was looking at him, eyes half closed; he looked exhausted, but he nodded.

“But you already know that.”

Rin looked away. “I… I thought I knew,” he whispered. “But you left, and you had kept that from me, and I was so angry.”

“I’m sorry.”

Rin shook his head.

“I made– I ordered the guards to torture the traitors,” he recalled, not daring look at Haruka again. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in his face. “I didn’t want to lose anyone else… but I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t care because I was angry.”

He felt Haruka’s fingers pushing red locks off his face, but he didn’t stop.

“And then I… I saw you, and you practically ran away from me, and I realised I wasn’t angry with you, but with myself. I tried–” Rin choked back a sob. “I tried to make up for what I had done, but I still was afraid they’d hurt my family, or Sousuke. And I missed you so much I fell for Napis’ trick, and it felt like even he was laughing at me.”

Haruka didn’t speak.

“And I didn’t want to think about it, but Napis brought it up.” Rin’s hands closed into fists. “And I hated how he was right, a–– and…” Rin closed his eyes. “I wanted to kill him, Haru. I wanted to kill him; not for my father, or for what he did to you–”

“I tried to kill him for saying the truth.”

Haruka’s hand covered his, rubbing circles on his knuckles until Rin’s fingers relaxed under his touch. For a while they kept silent; only when Haruka's other hand took Rin’s the Sultan opened his eyes.

“You’re allowed to make mistakes,” he whispered.

Rin shook his head.

“I didn’t make a mistake… I did everything I had sworn I never would.”

Haruka sighed. “But you cared,” he quietly replied. “When your guards caught me– I could have escaped, because they were afraid of hurting me because of you. You still cared about me, even though I had kept things from you.”

Rin frowned, and his bewilderment was bigger than his shame whe.

“You could have escaped?”

Haruka shrugged. “I’m good at sneaking through windows.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I missed you, too,” he confessed. “And when I heard about you… I needed to know if it was true.” He smiled a bit. “But you were there. Hiding behind your mask of cruelty, but there. And I ran away because it scared me, too; because it wasn’t my business anymore but I wanted to bring back the real Rin.”

Rin opened his mouth, but it took a while for the question to form in his throat. He was too scared of the answer.

“Have you found him? The real Rin.”

Haruka tugged at his hand, kissed his knuckles.

“I’m talking to him right now.”

And while it would take more than a reassuring conversation for Rin to get rid of his fears, he allowed himself to believe Haruka.

 

 

“What now?”

Rin’s question echoed in the dark room.

Haruka, who laid under him, letting Rin land soft kisses on his face ( _my lips aren’t that chapped yet_ ) went suddenly rigid. His smile froze as Rin hid his face in Haruka’s shoulder, the arms loosely sneaking around the Sultan’s waist tightening.

“I don’t know.” He whispered. “I’ll have to leave again.”

Rin bit his lower lip, thankful Haruka couldn’t see him. “I don’t want you to.”

Haruka sighed.

“It’s the only thing we can do.”

The Sultan closed his eyes.

“What if–” He trailed off, an idea crossing his mind just when his headache made an unwanted return. “I think– We can take advantage of… of _this_.”

He could feel Haruka’s sharp intake of air.

“How?”

Rin let out a whimper. He had the thread to start pulling at it, but he was in no condition to do so at that moment.

“Remind me tomorrow,” he blurted out. “Neutrality.”

“Neutrality?” Haruka turned his head around, kissed Rin’s forehead. “Alright. I’ll tell you,” he conceded. “But I’ll leave at dawn.”

And perhaps it was the impending fever, the exhaustion or the comfortable warmth Rin felt in Haruka’s arms; but all he could do was hugging him close, tangling their legs together.

“No,” he pleaded. “Not again.”

Haruka’s nose brushed Rin’s temple. “I have to go to the Tachibana’s,” he clarified, and he sounded apologetic. “I’ll wait until you wake up, if it helps you.”

Rin nodded, but he didn’t let go of Haruka.

 

 

 


	61. Chapter 61

 

 

 

Haruka felt truly sorry for waking Rin up.

His fever had spiked up during the night and he hadn’t gotten any rest; having desert sickness, the only thing that could be done for him was helping him make it through it. Haruka tried to cool Rin off and applied more oilment on his overheated skin, reassured Rin whenever he awoke. He got better before dawn, and only the promise he had made convinced Haruka to whisper Rin’s name when he was ready to go.

“Mpfh.” Rin opened his eyes. “I’m tired.”

“Me too,” Haruka admitted; he had barely slept for three hours. “But I have to go.”

Rin pouted.

“Is it already dawn?”

Haruka smiled. “I’ll be back in the afternoon.” He leant down to kiss Rin’s temple. “Oh, last night you said something about neutrality.”

Rin immediately perked up, only to let out a groan and be helped lay down again by a concerned Haruka.

“Right… Do you think–” He huffed. “Do you think they still want me to be the Sultan?”

Haruka sighed. “If they don’t, you’ll find a way to make them change their mind.”

The Sultan nodded, even though he didn’t look convinced.

“I don’t know if I want to.” He closed his eyes. “I don’t– I’m afraid I’ll do that again.”

Haruka could have told Rin to sleep, to stop letting illness and exhaustion talk for him, but he knew that no matter how bad he felt those fears weren’t completely irrational. So he leant down again and pressed his lips against Rin’s warm forehead until the Sultan’s fingers wrapped around his wrist.

“If you do, I’ll personally kick some sense back into your head.”

 

 

Rin had fallen asleep again by the time Haruka left; the sun was high in the sky and the palace buzzed with life. Haruka was itching to see his family, but he first stopped by the kitchen to grab an orange he ate as he walked out the building.

“Nanase!”

The last section tasted bitter when he heard Sousuke calling him from behind. Haruka turned around, waited until the Sultan’s best friend was close enough to let out an irritated _what_.

Sousuke cleared his throat.

“Well, I… I–” He looked aside. “I guess you aren’t that bad.” Haruka blinked. “I’m not talking about Rin, but…” He looked around, his eyes full of despair as he looked for the words in the hallway. “Oh, damn it. Maybe being so defensive wasn’t right. There. That’s it.”

It took Haruka some seconds to understand Sousuke was apologising. His lips formed a perfect, almost comical _o_.

“It’s fine,” he heard himself reply; it had been long since the last time something Sousuke said out of dislike upset him, anyway. Besides, Haruka had grown to respect the man before him; he couldn’t _not_ , when all Sousuke wanted was protecting Rin even though he had long ago given up on having his feelings reciprocated. “You aren’t as unbearable as I thought when I met you.”

Most people would have felt offended by Haruka’s wording, but Sousuke just nodded. Haruka nodded back, and then Sousuke nodded again. They nodded at each other until Sousuke seemed to notice they were giving an embarrassing show to the people walking past them, cleared his throat and turned around.

 

 

Between Rin’s kidnapping and the time in the desert looking for him, not to mention the whole day he had spent in the Sultan’s bedroom, Haruka hadn’t seen the Tachibanas in almost a whole week. It wasn’t as long as when he refused to be with them after the fire, but guilt squeezed his stomach when Ren’s disfigured face lit up at the sound of his voice, when Ran’s excited cry resounded in the house. When Makoto almost crushed his ribcage in a hug that was as fond as it was relieved.

“We were starting to think you had left without saying anything,” he confessed, and Haruka fixed his gaze on the floor when his cheeks heated up.

Both boys did the chores in silence, speaking only when it was absolutely necessary. Together, it took half as long as usual; Haruka slumped on a chair when they were finished, limbs aching and head throbbing from the lack of sleep as he folded his arms on the table and leant his forehead on them. He barely noticed when Makoto took a seat next to him.

For a while, the sound of their breathing filled the room, lulling Haruka into a light doze. He felt like sleeping for ten years.

Makoto’s voice broke the charm:

“I’ve heard they found the Sultan.”

That was it. No questions, no pressure; Haruka knew there would be nothing of that. Makoto saw, noticed and learnt; but he rarely asked, because there was usually no need. Haruka was sure his best friend knew way more about him and Rin than what he let on, but it was not having to tell him what made him want to.

“The day before yesterday,” he explained, not raising his head. “He got away from his kidnappers and wandered off into the desert.” Haruka’s hands closed into fists. “The _idiot_.”

“Oh.” Haruka could hear the little smile in Makoto’s voice. “Is he alright?”

Maybe Haruka should have thought about Rin’s burnt shoulders. About his swollen ankle, or about the fever that made touching him unbearable. He had been really lucky to be found in time; Haruka didn’t want to wonder if the Sultan would have been alive had he found him only a few hours later.

But instead, Haruka thought about Rin’s words, about his tears as he tried to explain himself. He thought about how the Sultan had snapped and almost killed Napis, he thought about how it frightened Rin. The feeble _don’t hate me more_ echoed within Haruka’s mind, heavy with bile and guilt.

Because no matter how hard he had tried to deny it, Haruka _had_ seen glimpses of that Rin before. And not only had he ignored them; by hurting Rin the way he had out of cowardice he had helped that part of the Sultan take over. He could lie to himself, but deep down he knew it was true.

“I don’t know,” he finally answered.

“He will be,” Makoto replied. As if he knew Rin. Haruka lightly shook his head. “What about you?”

Haruka shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He meant every word.

Haruka often thought Makoto had been touched by the Gods. It was the only explanation for his patience to hold such unproductive conversations with Haruka.

“When are you leaving again?”

On instinct, Haruka thought _I don’t know_.

But then he thought about Rin, about the spark in his eyes in the morning. And something lit up within him. Hope. Faith, perhaps.

He smiled. “I don’t know.”

 

 

 


	62. Chapter 62

 

 

 

Within a week, Rin’s fever was gone and the most serious burns healed enough to not bother him too much.

Despite Haruka’s constant reassuring, he didn’t dare go see Napis; he knew about the interrogations, but he was scared something within him snapped again, was scared of hearing the harsh truth again. Even though he made noticeable efforts to keep his paranoia under control –which was easy; even though Napis hadn’t said the last traitor’s name yet, knowing he was outside the palace was calming–, what was left of the Council was wary of him for a while.

So he focused on three things: finishing the war, finding out what Napis and his friends had wanted to bring into the country and convincing the Council of the advantages of marrying Haruka.

He told his lover first, though.

“The way things are right now, I’ll get in trouble no matter who I marry,” he explained the day he felt well enough to have a walk through the gardens, hand holding Haruka’s. “There is a lot of tension between the noble families, and it’ll be like I’m favouring one or another depending on who I get married to.”

Haruka tilted his head to the side. “So?”

“I can’t possibly favour any family if…” Rin trailed off, realising he had been about to make an insensitive comment. “I mean, biological family. So–”

“I don’t have that,” Haruka interrupted him, and there was no trace of turmoil in his eyes. “My parents are dead, so nobody will get offended.”

“More like everyone will be equally offended,” Rin replied, momentarily amused. “But yes, that’s the point. _Neutrality_.”

Haruka frowned. “So we will… get married?” He forced the words out of his mouth as if they physically pained him.

Rin nodded.

“I mean, not right now… I don’t know about you, but I want to wait until I’m twenty at least. But we would be engaged.” Rin swallowed the lump in his throat at Haruka’s stare. “And well, if you change your mind, we can cancel it any time. It’s not like I’ll force you to… Like I’d make you… If you don’t want to.”

Haruka smiled. “I know.”

He tentatively kissed Rin’s cheek, unbearably slowly, as if he expected the Sultan to push him away any moment.

“I want to be with you.”

 

 

 


	63. Chapter 63

 

 

 

It took Haruka some time until he stopped being overwhelmed with all the attention he got when he was officially betrothed to Rin. Most people in the palace knew him, but suddenly everyone was interested in him, in his non-existent noble blood, in finding anything slightly suspicious. Haruka bit his tongue more often than not, so the only rumour that held some truth was that he had to learn some manners.

Rin found it very funny.

“I’m sorry, it’s just–” he tried to say when Haruka told him about it, only to laugh harder at the mild glare aimed at him. “Don’t listen to them, alright?” he finally managed, kissing Haruka’s cheek.

“I don’t,” Haruka muttered. “But I don’t like meetings.”

Rin had recently started bringing him along to meetings with the Council, with noblemen and representatives. Dealing with few people was easier, but Haruka didn’t really like hearing empty compliments to the Sultan from strangers.

Perhaps the only person Haruka was truly glad to see was Aki Yazaki. She was ecstatic when she arrived, and spent a good hour chatting with Rin and Gou; and strangely enough Haruka didn’t dislike her company. Her family had been the first one to openly approve the engagement, and Rin had told him how she had supported his decision. Besides, she was clever and cheerful, and really got along with the Princess.

 

 

The last traitor was never caught, but they found out what they had tried to illegally import many months after Rin’s kidnapping.

Haruka accompanied Rin to inspect the strange device, created in the neighbouring country to explode and destroy everything around it. Rin had spies working on learning how to build it, just in case, but the country was too devastated to do anything else than accepting their help after the ceasefire finally became a reality.

For a second Haruka wondered if something similar had created the fire where Ren had lost his sight. The mere idea made him nauseous, and Rin had to hold him until he trusted his legs again.

 

 

Rin noticed how spaced out he was at night, when they walked together to the Sultan’s chambers.

“It’s nothing,” Haruka muttered, turning his head away. It wasn’t what Rin thought it was, anyway.

Warm arms snuck around his waist. “Whenever you say that terrible things happen,” Rin reminded him.

Haruka breathed out through his nose as they walked into the bedroom. He could stay silent until Rin gave up and went to sleep (not likely), try to distract him from asking (experience had proven that tactic wrong once) or make something up (Haruka wasn’t creative enough).

So, in the end, he swallowed the lump in his throat, tried his best to ignore the heat painting his cheeks red and settled for saying the truth:

“I was thinking.”

Rin, who was taking all his necklaces and bracelets off, raised an eyebrow.

“About what?”

Upon noticing Haruka’s hesitation, Rin walked over to the bed and lightly kicked his shin. Haruka kicked back on reflex.

 “I remembered–” He huffed. “When people get engaged, don’t they exchange jewels?”

He could swear that was _not_ what Rin had been expecting.

“That’s a month before the wedding,” the Sultan explained, though. “They spend that month separated and they give each other things to not feel lonely. The midnight prior they take their things back, and at dawn they give the other the same thing during the wedding, but that time as proper gifts. Didn’t you know?”

Haruka felt his cheeks heat up even more in embarrassment.

“I’ve never been to a wedding,” he muttered. “You know it really well,” he noted then.

“I– It’s because of Gou!” Rin spluttered, probably more flustered than Haruka. “Plus, I’ve seen some cousins… and… Stop laughing.”

Haruka flinched when Rin prodded at his ribs, tickling him.

“Sorry,” he muttered, even though he wasn’t.

“Anyway, what does that mean? Do you want to marry me now?” Haruka closed his eyes; by the time he opened them Rin’s face hovered over his. “Haru?”

“Yes– No– I was just wondering,” he finally mumbled.

“What would you give me anyway?”

“I’m going to swim.”

“Haru!”

Haruka was smiling when he he took off to the natatorium and heard Rin’s footsteps behind him.

 

 

 


	64. Chapter 64

 

 

 

Kiyoko stood on the tips of her toes, holding onto the baby’s cradle to see her better. She had spent the whole afternoon staring at her, touching her face with her chubby fingers and running to call her mother or the baby’s parents whenever little Sakura awoke.

She could barely speak yet, but she loved her cousin.

Haruka took Sakura in his arms when she started crying, shushed her as he walked with the baby around the room, followed by the always attentive Kiyoko. He stopped before the balcony and looked at his daughter, smiling at the smell of the incoming rain.

Rain always meant something good.

It was a good omen, then, that Sakura had arrived only a few hours prior to the first storm in five years. Kiyoko was curious, too, and she lost interest in her cousin when she noticed how grey the sky was. It was her first storm, too. She quickly muttered a single word – _Mama_ – and left the room, presumably to seek Gou.

Rin arrived with the first thunder, groaned and dropped rather gracelessly on the bed.

“You’re attending tomorrow’s meeting,” he mumbled, voice muffled by the sheets.

Automatically Haruka held Sakura closer. “I can’t. I’m not the Sultan by birth.”

Rin’s head perked up. “We’ve been married for two years!” He pointed an accusatory finger at Haruka. “You always have an excuse to skip meetings.”

“I have to take care of Sakura.”

“When did you become the woman in our relationship?”

“When did you become the idiot in our relationship?”

Rin huffed, but his irritated expression softened when he glanced at the baby in Haruka’s arms. Sakura had fallen asleep again, indifferent to the rain and the thunder. Rin stood up, walked towards the balcony and caressed her cheek, smiling when her tiny hands closed into fists.

“What if she wants to sucede me? The issue came up at the meeting.”

Haruka shrugged. While Sakura had royal blood –technically she was Rin’s far cousin–, the favourite of the Council would obviously be Kiyoko. But both of them were still too young to even know some day one of them would inherit the whole country.

“We’ll figure something out,” he muttered.

Rin kissed his cheek, and Haruka wordlessly handed Sakura to him.

“I guess,” the Sultan muttered, more animated, as Haruka’s arms wrapped around his waist. “Traditions exist to be broken.”

Haruka huffed, leant his chin on Rin’s shoulder. Sakura focused her eyes on him and a little smile lit up her round face.

“You sound like you know something about the matter, Highness.”

Rin laughed.

Marrying Rin, Haruka had learnt many months ago, didn’t stop problems from coming. Sakura’s arrival wouldn’t help either, but he didn’t particularly mind. With time and experience they had gotten better at asking for help before it was their last resort, at facing anything together –and with the help of Gou, Sousuke and the Tachibanas– instead of hiding and trying to ignore the problem.

It didn’t matter what the next obstacle was. As long as they were with each other, they would deal with it.

 

 

 


End file.
